Irritating Out-Laws/Inlaws!!!

[gmendoza]

Irritating isnt a strong enough word.

My daughter wanted to go to Washington next year,but we (DW and I) decided it should be on merit so we told DD to have great grades. Well the outlaws heard of this and I got lectured for a whole d*** hour on why it shouldnt be based on grades!!!

Well after this ear-bleeding talk I said I will base it on good behavior.

Well DD had lied 3 times in one day about some school stuff and said I lied making up lies. I didnt so she got punished.Her Washington trip got taken away,along with cpu priveleges for two weeks and a lenghtly list of chores.

DD told me yesterday she understands and that she knew it was based on goo behavior and she was bad( her words). So she was down with it,I was.....but my outlaws are furious now.

My out-laws says its wrong punishment and she should be able to go. Wait a flippin minute here!! I am the parent along with DW.

Who here agrees with what I did?

Besides Washington DC is just a bunch of tombs and cemetaries right???

Just ranting

 

[chics in the sun]

Stick to your guns, and tell them to mind their own buisness. You should have stuck to the trip being contingent on grades. When you backed off that you just encouraged them to keep sticking their noses in where it doesnt belong! It sounds like you are doing a great job parenting without their "help".

 

[they'reHISchickens]

I don't think we have near enough info to make that kind of decision on here.
How old is she and what grade is she in?
Are her grades normally good?
Is she an habitual liar?
Is this a school sanctioned special trip that EVERYONE is going on?
How badly does she really want to go?
Lots of variables here and I'd want to know a lot more before venturing an opinion.

 

[conny63malies]

Quote:

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

First, I would have encouraged you to allow her the opportunity to visit our nation's capital if at all possible. I can be a wonderful experience. However, once you, the parent, have set conditions upon going, it is up to you and her mother. Your in-laws and your parents had the opportunity to raise their children as they chose; now it is your turn to raise yours as you choose. The one question you need to consider is whether you are your wife are in agreement. This is the kind of decision that needs to be a joint decision, not just one parent's opinion (unless only one parent has custody).

How did your in-laws even find out about it, or that your DD had misbehaved and trip permission was revoked? TheyreHISchickens has some valid points.

 

[michelle89]

First off I think what you did is the right thing to do. IMO there should be more parents like you!! My kids are 21 and 19 and if I could go back and change some things I would! Kids don't come with instructions and you learn as you go, kids these days need to take responsibility for their actions, instead of blaming society ect....Keep up the good work and stick to your guns, don't be bullied by the in-laws. Its your kid not theres and you know whats best!!

 

[cravenchx]

You are the parents! I believe DD thought her
grandparents would bail her out. Please don't
let that happen. That would be a terrible thing
to start. The grandparents need to know their
place. It may cause some hard feelings, but they
can get over it....well you know the rest.
And yes. DC is a wonderful place to visit, but
I wouldn't want to live there!

 

[M.sue]

Well from the posts I've read I also think there needs to be more on the DD...grades, habitual liar, special school trip, snotty, disrespectful etc.... But being a parent and having 2 very strong willed children I have learned very fast that once you state a threat of loss privileges as disciplinary actions you need to stick to your guns for if you don't they will learn what makes you & what brakes you. Yes it is fine and normal to give into the consequences once in a great while. We all say & do things out of anger and frazzled thinking. I do feel strongly that the punishment should fit the crime. I also learned you need to hit them (not physically) were it hurts. The loss of something to one child might have a great impact while the same loss might have no affect on the other child.
As for the in-laws butting their nose in......they need to respect your decisions & actions. Tell them when you need their parenting advice you'll ask them. Let them know you are the parent and you are very capable of reasonably disciplining your own children. My M-I-L had a habit of doing so and one day I just came right out and told her so. I said it nicely but very firmly & bluntly.....she got the point!!

 

[Souperchicken]

You did the right thing by not letting MIL sway you just because she disapproves, when you did what you thought/knew was best.
I'm always telling my kids that unless it is dangerous, destructive, or inappropriate not to tattle. I think the same goes with minding ones own business and giving an opinion, It is obvious MIL needs to stay out of it, but it might be hard to convince her of that.
The only thing I would add is just be careful not to set kids up for failure. Having good behavior for a year can be unrealistic for some children, depending on their age and personality, not sure how old your daughter is.

 

[debilorrah]

You know what? They are YOUR kids and YOU raise them and to heck with anyone outside the marriage that gives you grief. If you are not harming the physically or mentally, which you are not, the I say stick with it. It doesn't matter if I agree with you or not. They are your children. You make the decisions.