Irritating Out-Laws/Inlaws!!!

[Mattemma]

You really should cut off the in-laws when they start in on you.It is not their place.I would be like,"Keep it up and I will punish YOU for your poor behavior.Don't you EVER undermine my authority with MY children,or I will cut ties with you." Put them in their place or suffer this treatment forever from them.

There was nothing wrong with your grade based decision. There was nothing wrong with your behavior based decision.However changing your decisions after getting a tongue lashing from the in-laws reflects poorly on you in the eyes of the children. I would put a stop to it.The in-laws will be shocked at first,but either they accept it or ignore you.Either way you would win.

 

[gmendoza]

they'reHISchickens :

I don't think we have near enough info to make that kind of decision on here.
How old is she and what grade is she in? SHE IS 13 AND IN THE 8TH GRADE
Are her grades normally good? Yes. she has A's B's and a High C in math
Is she an habitual liar? Not habitual,but in 5th grade she stole a book from the school library and told lies about the librarian,and the principal.
Is this a school sanctioned special trip that EVERYONE is going on? Every child that wants to go has to have 480.00 for the three day trip to DC.
How badly does she really want to go? she says she did want to go because her friends were going,now its 50/50
Lots of variables here and I'd want to know a lot more before venturing an opinion.

I know I should have stuck to my guns with the grades,but I gave my inlaws room to interfere,which was dumb on my part as I can see it now. But I wont fold on this idea.

Actually since she isnt going,the money cannot be refunded.We only pain into it 120.00 so far.DW asked if it can go to her friends son who is in the same grade and wants to go,but they cant afford it. DW's friend's husband is ticked off we are doing this for his son because he feels he cant do this and is getting mad,or maybe jealous,even angry,but we ALWAYS try to help them every chance we get.

Her husband and I dont get along at all.

 

[Kuntry Klucker]

I think that you did the right thing. You are the parent not the In-laws. Sometimes extended family just does not
know how to stay extended and not interfere when they should keep silent. Stick to you guns. You are the parent of
this child not them.

 

[ChikeeMomma]

Quote:
Agreed! We have younger children, but we would probably do the same thing you are, gmendoza. Don't let your in-laws bully you into backing down. And like Mattemma said -- do not tolerate this type of behavior from your in-laws!! Going on a trip like that is a very nice privilege. I think it warrants good behavior and grades to be privileged enough to go. A little extra work for something you want to do never, ever hurt anybody. And it is very kind of you to apply money towards another child's trip.

 

[sharron]

Quote:

 

[TinyChickenLady]

I think what you did was a really good idea. I hate when others, especially other family members, interfere with parenting. They had their chance. Now it's your turn. I personally think you should have stuck to your guns about the grades but behavior is just as important. If your daughter was given the opportunity to earn the trip and she lost it, then she lost it. Plain and simple. No trip. Done. The in-laws can either live with that or float. Their choice. Or yours... tell them to go fly a kite and let you parent YOUR child.
As for donating the money to another kid for the trip, I think that was really nice of you. The father can throw a fit all he wants but if his child deserves the trip, then he should have the opportunity to go. The father just needs to be man, say thank you, and share some pics with you when his son gets back

 

[chicmom]

You are totally in charge of your own children! It's not your in-law's business! Period.

BUT.....don't kill me.....Washington DC is FABULOUS! My kids all went to DC when they were in school, and I had never been there, until one day I went with my husband and a group of friends during Memorial Day weekend, and I am not a real political person or anything, but it made me SO PROUD of our country to see our nation's capitol, and I was truly amazed at how gorgous it was!

Maybe you could reconsider the trip? I do think it's amazing. I would go back in a quick minute!

Sharon

 

[cuntryuppiechick]

Maybe allow dd to go if she starts a journal and learns about how government works and why it is important to be ethical, she didn't tell the truth, what are the real life possible consequences of that? A politician lies and what happens? Then she can continue it while there, maybe write a quick few lines about each day, scrapbook it, etc. Sort of fun but really learning and makes the lesson hopefully stick and something to look back on.

On second thought, if she is very good at fibbing, getting others involved so she can get her way, getting you caught up in negotiations diminishing your power, maybe you should go with it and send her to DC so she can start planning her career in politics.

 

[gmendoza]

Quote:

I didnt see it this way. Thanks for the enlightenment!!

 

[weeders n feeders]

You are the parent and therefore must make the decisions about how your children are raised. You are the one who is responsible for all actions until they are adults. You can listen to advice for others, be they in laws, grandparents, friends , other family but the decision is yours alone. But once you have made a decision stick to it. Thank the I laws for their opinion but tell them that while you respect their side you are the one responsible for your kids and they are free to disagree but you will NOT stoop to the level of misbehaving children and argue about it. Mine have never been allowed to do anything without stipulations. Grades, fortunately have never been an issue but behavior always is. Lying is a virtual death sentence in my house hold. Also mine have always had to pay at least half of any trip like this or anything that costs very much- be the payment be actual cash or extra chores.
As for giving the trip to the other kid I applaud your gesture. But first be sure his parents approve of him going(don't turn into your in laws). If their disaproval is only about the money then a gentle explanation that you had planned on your daughter going and that circumstances are preventing it but the money paid will now be forfeited unless someone else goes in her place. Then work out a simple payment plan for them or the son to repay you. Many people are very insulted by what they see as handouts and I applaud that also. More people need to live within their means and not depend on others to bail them out.(oh gotta get off that train of thought or .....). The payment could be in cash or barter for other goodS or work. If this is not acceptable to them then look to the school for someone else willing to take you up on the offer. There are many deserving people out there that appreciate a helping hand but don't give handouts.