- Jul 26, 2010
- 2,969
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Nothing wrong with a 'fun crush' until it starts to sap energy and interest out of a relationship you want to maintain, or until it hurts the partner and makes him feel more inadequate and he withdraws more and tries less.
Most people who gain weight as they get older, have a reason they do that. You might be looking at some sort of mild, chronic problem that causes your husband to be less active and eat more 'comfort food'.
First of all, he may be unhappy too, but perhaps unable to say why or communicate about it. He may be dealing with mild, chronic depression. People tend to really eat the high fat, high carbohydrate foods when the get depressed(some suggest depression is actually a kind of hibernation-gone-awry behavior, which could explain its tie in to eating behaviors). That sort of thing creeps up on a person so slowly they don't even realize it's happening, they just get listless, lose enthusiasm and get negative and disinterested.
He may be dealing with other health problems that make him inactive, such as knee pain, degenerative discs in the neck or back (that starts in the twenties, not the sixties) or a mild untreated asthma. He may have endocrine problems such as low thyroid, or a heart problem starting to develop that just takes the edge of his energy. He may be falling into the eating patterns of his parents, or his job and commute may be taking away activity time, but you would be AMAZED how many people gain weight because of some un-noticed health problem.
What about you and him taking up a sport or hobby together? What if you both had something that you were really interested in together? That you rushed home to practice together?
For example, think of all the 'traditional' male hobbies. Did you know many men love fishing, but that many instructors will swear to you that women tend to learn fly fishing much more easily than men? Any idea how many women are getting into fishing these days, or how many love to go hunting, or shoot skeet? How about hiking? Bird watching?
There are a lot of 'togetherness' hobbies out there. Having a boat you take out on weekends is a good one. Perhaps he used to have a hobby he's lost interest in. Maybe that could be rekindled.
No relationship is ever 50-50 all the way, all the time.
Marriages go through phases. One spouse gets sick or depressed, and the other one gets a heavier load trying to help that person along. People get hurt. They get sick. They lose their jobs. Their parent dies and they go through a bad period and the other person takes up the slack.
But NO relationship ever is perfectly 50-50 and no relationship is constantly satisfactory to both people in the relationship.
People change. People get discouraged, angry. They get chronic health problems.
Successful relationships involve give-and-take, and they don't always mean instant satisfaction of every need.
Long lasting relationships are NOT characterized by no arguing and constant smiles and both people always being happy and fulfilled. Long lasting relationships are characterized by one thing and one thing alone: a committment to maintaining the relationship. Relationships tend to carry the same problems and the same issues over time. The ones that last, are with people who have made a decision to maintain them.
Most people who gain weight as they get older, have a reason they do that. You might be looking at some sort of mild, chronic problem that causes your husband to be less active and eat more 'comfort food'.
First of all, he may be unhappy too, but perhaps unable to say why or communicate about it. He may be dealing with mild, chronic depression. People tend to really eat the high fat, high carbohydrate foods when the get depressed(some suggest depression is actually a kind of hibernation-gone-awry behavior, which could explain its tie in to eating behaviors). That sort of thing creeps up on a person so slowly they don't even realize it's happening, they just get listless, lose enthusiasm and get negative and disinterested.
He may be dealing with other health problems that make him inactive, such as knee pain, degenerative discs in the neck or back (that starts in the twenties, not the sixties) or a mild untreated asthma. He may have endocrine problems such as low thyroid, or a heart problem starting to develop that just takes the edge of his energy. He may be falling into the eating patterns of his parents, or his job and commute may be taking away activity time, but you would be AMAZED how many people gain weight because of some un-noticed health problem.
What about you and him taking up a sport or hobby together? What if you both had something that you were really interested in together? That you rushed home to practice together?
For example, think of all the 'traditional' male hobbies. Did you know many men love fishing, but that many instructors will swear to you that women tend to learn fly fishing much more easily than men? Any idea how many women are getting into fishing these days, or how many love to go hunting, or shoot skeet? How about hiking? Bird watching?
There are a lot of 'togetherness' hobbies out there. Having a boat you take out on weekends is a good one. Perhaps he used to have a hobby he's lost interest in. Maybe that could be rekindled.
No relationship is ever 50-50 all the way, all the time.
Marriages go through phases. One spouse gets sick or depressed, and the other one gets a heavier load trying to help that person along. People get hurt. They get sick. They lose their jobs. Their parent dies and they go through a bad period and the other person takes up the slack.
But NO relationship ever is perfectly 50-50 and no relationship is constantly satisfactory to both people in the relationship.
People change. People get discouraged, angry. They get chronic health problems.
Successful relationships involve give-and-take, and they don't always mean instant satisfaction of every need.
Long lasting relationships are NOT characterized by no arguing and constant smiles and both people always being happy and fulfilled. Long lasting relationships are characterized by one thing and one thing alone: a committment to maintaining the relationship. Relationships tend to carry the same problems and the same issues over time. The ones that last, are with people who have made a decision to maintain them.
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