Is she mean to me on pourpous? (CALLING ALL MOM'S Advice needed)

[danielle82]

It sounds like she and you have a very dysfunctional relationship. While she may love you "in her way" and it may be a lot for her, she may not express it, or even know how to express it. If you were the one caring for her as a child there may have been some alcohol abuse on her part, and getting involved in an Adult Children of Alcoholics group may prove beneficail to you.
And yes, I would be very hurt if someone said that they didn't want to buy 'two' seats for me, esp. if it was my mother

 

[Katy]

We can choose our friends, but unfortunately we can't choose our family. There are women who should never have become mothers and it sounds as tho your mother is one of them. Just because she gave birth to you doesn't mean you owe her anything. Being a mom is an honor she certainly hasn't earned from you. Only you can know what you need to do...whether that is to try and have some type of relationship with her or to decide that you'll be better off without her in your life.

 

[homesteadingcowgirl]

Quote:
Ditto to this!!!!!

As a young woman who survived a distructive and hateful mother I can say the happiest moment I had in dealing with her was the day I said..."I am done!" I gathered up all my strength and thought of myself and well being for the first time. I told her I loved her but if she couldn't/wouldn't accept me for the person I was, then I didn't need to know her anymore.

She told me to go to.....you can guess. That was over a year ago. I havent heard from her since. To be honest, this has been the best and calmest year of my life.

And to this!! I have had to say "I'm here if you ever want a true relationship, until then, I can't have you in my life." Now several years later, I wouldn't have done it any different!!

 

[debilorrah]

Unfortunately there are people out there who never should have had children, and she sounds like one of them. It is natural for us to love our parents. Especially when you grow up just sure you have done something that will make her never love you.

It is not your fault.
You are a beautiful woman.
You are kind to others.

Let her go. Permanently. It will only damage you more in the future.

 

[Zahboo]

I personally would just say bite me. I know that's not the mature response, but I used to be given grief over my weight and once my parents learned I honestly didn't care how pretty I could be 200000 pounds lighter, that I was comfortable I way I was, they slowly started backing down .

 

[Elite Silkies]

I don't have an answer for you, I wish I did. But, you know in your heart what the best is for yourself, and only you can make those decisions.

 

[seramaland2]

You are a beautiful girl and you owe her NOTHING! If she can't accept you, just wave goodby and be happy with the family that loves you! It's a shame that you had to grow up like that, but it made you strong.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

I feel a little differently... Yes, you have the right to be/look however you feel comfortable and she does NOT have the right to be rude or nasty about it. none of her business. Although it is possible that she is just such a selfish person/bad mother/immature individual that she does not realize how amazingly far out of line she is. She might think that part of 'caring' about you means to pressure you about your weight. She might just be doing a REALLY bad job reconnecting. I think you should say to her 'look mom, I know that you love me and want the best for me, but you need to realize that I am an adult, and if you ever, EVER mention my weight again, I will take that as you NOT loving me for who I am, and I will be less likely to want to see you." my mom pressures me about my weight, likes to buy me clothes that are either 6's or 16's.... (I'm a 10)... and says things like "wow, you look great, your butt looks much smaller than it did last time'... but I haven't lost any weight, and the next time i see her, she just sort of folds her lips in, and looks disapproving... I'm sorry your mom is making you feel insecure. I do think that therapy might be just the ticket, and if she's not clean and sober, maybe waiting until she is, before you let her in your life, might be a good thing.

 

[ChikeeMomma]

Agree with this!

As a young woman who survived a distructive and hateful mother I can say the happiest moment I had in dealing with her was the day I said..."I am done!" I gathered up all my strength and thought of myself and well being for the first time. I told her I loved her but if she couldn't/wouldn't accept me for the person I was, then I didn't need to know her anymore.

She told me to go to.....you can guess. That was over a year ago. I havent heard from her since. To be honest, this has been the best and calmest year of my life.

And to this!! I have had to say "I'm here if you ever want a true relationship, until then, I can't have you in my life." Now several years later, I wouldn't have done it any different!!



I had to do this also. It's been about seven years now (at the same time I started having my own family). My life has been less chaotic than it used to be. I used to suffer from sleepless nights, migraines, and a constant upset stomach over the stress of my mother. It's all gone now! Hmm....it's magic how that all disappeared when I said I couldn't be in a relationship with her. Life is much more peaceful now!

to you. You've received some good advice on here. I hope it helps! And you are beautiful!

 

[StrawberryHouseMouse]

When ever I feel overweight, I tell myself "I'm not fat, I'm healthy" you should tell her that, and tell yourself that if you ever feel down about yourself. Just because your not a size 6 or 120 lbs.. does not mean your fat. Fat is when you cant get up and walk on your own cause your too big to do so. That in my opinion is unhealthy, but a little extra meat on the bones is normal. I wish models wasn't always painting this image for women, models do not represent the typical woman. It just puts a lot of pressure on the majority of us, and gives others knives made of words to hurt us with.
Be proud of who you are, and tell your mom to shove it. That your happy with the way you are now.