I have to say thank you to each and every person that responded to this topic. I am working on being stronger with her step by step. I am saying no when she tried to con me into cleaning her house or run her errands or when she is forever trying to talk me into having my partner go take care of her honey do list. I am working very hard on keeping my priority's in perspective and that is me, my step son, my DH, and the positive influences in my life. My mother was the only bio-parent I ever knew and I idolized her. Of course that was when I was a child and now I am coming to a point in my life where my choices are my own.
My mother ... ugh my mother.... as a child she had no time between meth, being drunk and men for me. Now that she's settled down and married a man that makes LOT's of money she see's the close loving relationship between my cousin's and their mother's (her sister's) and I know that her jealousy over their relationship's is the motivating factor in her sudden interest in me. She has NO IDEA who I am or what has happened in my life but of course she believes otherwise. She believes that because I came from her that I MUST be like her. I honestly don't care what motivated her to want to have a relationship with me. I waited my entire life for her to care, to have time, to WANT me and as soon as I began letting go of that and moving on she suddenly want's my attention and my time.... of course it's always to do something for her or her husband (that has no interest in me other than avoiding having to help me). Sometimes I wounder if I'm pushing her away for my best interest or as a means of punishing her for all the year's and years and years of pain and rejection she piled on me. I feel like a bad daughter because I no longer dote on her the way I used to, I feel like an awful daughter for wanting to move as far away as possible from her just to have some peace of mind, I feel like a jerk for wishing she would stop trying to tell me how to live my life and what to do and where to do it and how to dress and what I should eat... I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MY SELF I had to do it all my life long and now, NOW that I'm grown she want's to treat me like I'm a child all over again... I feel like a horrible daughter for yearning to scream "I DON'T need or want your advice any more! I hate the kind of person you are! I'm not to proud to take your money I'm just not a materialistic person I strive to be the most giving and selfless person I possibly can in order to be as least like you as possible!"
She want a relationship with me but she refuses to discuss any issues we have or any mistakes she may have ever made. If I cry she tells me I'm being a weak ..... you can fill in the blank. If I try to bring up any subject that is negative about what she may be guilty of she automatically attacks me. There is no growth possibility in my eyes in her eyes I am the one who needs to change to accommodate her. My grandmother (her mom) understands my position and supports my stance even though she loves her daughter she has seen first hand how much my mom has hurt me. Grammi say's maybe in 10 year's she will be able to see thing's the way they are. Maybe it will never happen and she thinks I should be ready to accept that. IDK... honestly I don't call her I don't visit but once a month and if I can avoid that then I do. Once again thank you all for your support, this is an on going issue that has effected my entire life and every part of who I am as a person so I don't expect to wake up and suddenly it's all ok... this will take time... this will take grace and this will take guts. Thanks again.
