The reasoning here is very circular to me. We WANT to train the horses, but Duchess must be shod before we can ride her. Anyone have a solution around THAT one??
Your horses need to be trained by you or someone you pay to train them, to stand for the farrier. There is no circular reasoning with this.
If your horse needs to be shod to ride it, then it has to be taught to stand still to be shod. And if you haven't done that, that's your fault, not the farrier's. Any farrier is perfectly within his rights to walk out if a horse is going to jeopardize his ability to get to the next call in one piece or on time. If I got only one shoe on in ten minutes I'd leave too.
MANY farriers will not train on horses because owners often complain, 'Don't be mean to Precious!'
In fact, there is every possibility that YOU were the one being unreasonable. Since I wasn't there, I put it 50-50. Could have been the farrier at fault, and could have been you.
They're put in the impossible position of risking their own physical safety because the horse is moving all over the place and is disobedient, they can't lift a finger to correct the horse without the owner pitching a fit.
"He was a moron"
Most likely, some 'helpful' person has already informed the farrier that you're saying this on line. You may have a difficult time getting other farriers in, if word gets around. As for the 'sexist' remark, some people talk like that when they get pushed to it. I've never had a farrier treat me badly when I have treated them with respect. If this guy really IS some sort of incompetent idiot, then what was it about him that caused you to select him? Maybe use different criteria. Look for experienced, skilled farriers that are in demand in your area. They cost more, but they are worth it.
I think it's important to recognize that customers put farriers in very bad positions. If the farrier is not allowed to correct the horse's behavior, he can't shoe the horse, he can't even guarantee his own safety. In his position what the horse does can harm him a whole lot more than a person holding the horse. Customers often put the farrier in impossibly situations and then are surprised when they walk out. But they don't understand, literally, the position the farrier is in.
I understand you are very upset with your vet and now your farrier, and have been through a lot recently. However, the bottom line is that it sounds like neither the mare nor Duke are properly trained for the farrier; it also sounds as if they are not getting trimmed or trimmed/reset frequently, which can cause difficulties with hooves and soundness down the road. This is of the utmost importance and is far, far more important than your anger at the farrier.
I think it's important to calm down and stop being angry at the farrier, no matter how much support you get for doing so here, and see to it that the horses are all very well trained to stand for the farrier. No matter who does your horses, they need to STAND STILL - for an extended period of time, in awkward positions, STILL. WITHOUT MOVING.
You need to think about it from the point of view of the horse's welfare, not yiour anger. On this occasion, she was rewarded for behaving badly. Her behavior may even escalate the next time, making the next farrier's job even harder.
Your horses ALL, including Duke, need to be trained as quickly as possible, so that they can have their feet handled and worked on, WITHOUT sedation, in any situation. Sedation is useful in some situations but you can never guarantee you will have it on hand, so it's unwise to become dependent on it unless there is no other choice. Some day the horse's lives may depend on them staying quiet and still to be worked on. They may be injured or trapped and need to be very calm and be handled in ways that are inconvenient or even painful to them. If a shoe gets twisted it has to be removed immediately before it damages the foot.
From your words, I have serious concerns about you trying to be a substitute farrier, even if just to trim or remove shoes. A horse's feet are nothing to mess around with. In addition, if the horses move, you will be able to do no better job than any other farrier could. Don't assume the horses will stand still for 'mommy', they are very unlikely to do so. Even if you have before, not doing it all the time you won't be able to do an accurate or healthy job, even if you used to. Therefore I feel it's your best option to work with the horses and train them to stand still for shoeing and trimming, and if you can't pay someone who can.
If you are physically able, make the time to start working with the horses today and plan to work on them every day. Watch some videos of farriers at work on youtube, and make a list of the postures and positions the horses must be trained for - the hind foot picked up high, the forefoot on a farrier's stand (a jack stand can do in a pinch, for training), etc. Teach your horses to stand perfectly and quietly still while their legs are picked up and held for five minutes each foot, then ten minutes each foot. Tap on the foot with a hammer, hold it as if you're using a hoof knife, a rasp, etc.
Work on all the positions each day, spending a minimum of 1/2 hr for each horse each day. Do not tolerate ANY movement - punish the horse firmly if it moves - not with a whip or slaps of the hand, but with the chain shank over their nose and a firm, assertive voice. Loudness does not mean firm and assertive. Don't allow the horse to 'crowd' (push shoulder against you) or to 'swing' his haunches away or toward you. Keep the horse on a straight line. Pick the same place for training as where he will be worked on by the farrier. If the horse is restless, longe or ride him til he's calm and relaxed, before working on his feet.
In general, try to use timing rather than force to get the horse to hold still. A slight jerk on the chain shank just before the animal walks off, is FAR more effective than a dozen much harder yanks after it has started to walk. Timing really is the key with teaching animals to stand still. Try to prevent movement rather than stop it once it's started.