Quote:
Who says you can't beat common sense into someone?
Who says you can't beat common sense into someone?
Judge Willaim Adams
- Thread starter TinyChickenLady
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- Mar 14, 2011
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I admit, I'm really pissy on this issue. I was regularly beat and worse by the sub-human evil things that claimed to raise me. My joints will never fully recover. I've got some major damage. Never mind the fact that I'm not normal in the mind either really.
I know I went extreme at times in NOT hitting my kids. At first, I just worried I'd turn out like those things, so I didn't do anything, even if it meant sitting on my hands and biting my tounge. I just gave up and stuck them in their rooms so I could go off and scream myself to get over the mindfit I was having. Which worked for my kids, disgustingly well. Yes, the kids have friends who get spankings, and while I don't disagree with it to some extent, this video is WAY too far and it's abuse. The kids have said they'd rather get a spanking and get it over with than be grounded or go to bed early. Yes, well, you may like the easy route, but I'm the bosshog in the house and you get the punishment you don't want because it makes your life miserable and you think about why you are in trouble.
I know I went extreme at times in NOT hitting my kids. At first, I just worried I'd turn out like those things, so I didn't do anything, even if it meant sitting on my hands and biting my tounge. I just gave up and stuck them in their rooms so I could go off and scream myself to get over the mindfit I was having. Which worked for my kids, disgustingly well. Yes, the kids have friends who get spankings, and while I don't disagree with it to some extent, this video is WAY too far and it's abuse. The kids have said they'd rather get a spanking and get it over with than be grounded or go to bed early. Yes, well, you may like the easy route, but I'm the bosshog in the house and you get the punishment you don't want because it makes your life miserable and you think about why you are in trouble.
- Thread starter
- #63
Quote:
I'm sorry you were treated so horribly
Glad you didn't turn out the same way.
I do believe that discipline does equal out to "you're not going to get what you want." It then teaches a child that the punishment is that: a punishment, not a reward.
After they're given the opportunity to think about that, only then will they learn right from wrong.
Beatings don't teach that.
I'm sorry you were treated so horribly
Glad you didn't turn out the same way.
I do believe that discipline does equal out to "you're not going to get what you want." It then teaches a child that the punishment is that: a punishment, not a reward.
After they're given the opportunity to think about that, only then will they learn right from wrong.
Beatings don't teach that.
Time out doesn't work. Recidivism rates prove that.
- Mar 14, 2011
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Quote:
Straight time-out with no teaching about why what was done is wrong and what the correct behavior is doesn't work.
That's not what I'm teaching my kids.
Straight time-out with no teaching about why what was done is wrong and what the correct behavior is doesn't work.
That's not what I'm teaching my kids.
- Thread starter
- #66
Quote:
Oh sorry I didn't actually mean time out.
Oh sorry I didn't actually mean time out.
After they're given the opportunity to think about that, only then will they learn right from wrong.
<--- I meant this as time to think after the "crime" and punishment had already been done.
But I do agree that time out doesn't seem to work very well. We do it with my step-son. We only use it as a tool for him to get done with his head fit and then the actual discipline takes place. I see time out as a break for them, not as an actual punishment. I also won't discipline when a child is busy throwing a headfit because anything I say or do will be ignored. I prefer to wait until they're done hissy fitting and then actually make them listen to what I'm saying and why I'm punishing them. If they don't know why they're being punished, then it doesn't do any good. Lesson NOT learned then.
<--- I meant this as time to think after the "crime" and punishment had already been done.
But I do agree that time out doesn't seem to work very well. We do it with my step-son. We only use it as a tool for him to get done with his head fit and then the actual discipline takes place. I see time out as a break for them, not as an actual punishment. I also won't discipline when a child is busy throwing a headfit because anything I say or do will be ignored. I prefer to wait until they're done hissy fitting and then actually make them listen to what I'm saying and why I'm punishing them. If they don't know why they're being punished, then it doesn't do any good. Lesson NOT learned then.
Not real sure what the full story is, but first impression both mother and father went too far --
I guess I need to go read the story. i know she was 16 in the video -- How old is she and why has this come out now. Off to go do some reading.
I guess I need to go read the story. i know she was 16 in the video -- How old is she and why has this come out now. Off to go do some reading.
I had to withhold myself on this matter.........believe it or not, I did receive spankings or slap across the face (when older) when I backtalk or being blantantly definant. I deserved it! Never been hit with a belt but a flat hand or paddle or a very wide spoon (not a skinny one!). One time I did remember my grandmother taking a switch on me...man, that bites but I sure did what she asked me to do instead of saying NO I don't want to! Grandpa even spanked me but all of my relatives are kind and firm and spanking as a last resort or nothing goes well with the child that can not control herself.
Guess what, when we went to family counseling a few weeks ago, our psychologist had the nerve to call the DCFS on us because we simply spanked her with our hand or spoon paddle. Once or twice spank and that was it. We would say after we spanked our daughter WHY we did it and we still love her and hug and kiss her afterwards. That was more than enough and she does not get a spanking every day but more like if she is anything more, once every four to six weeks she would have a total meltdown, I mean totally uncontrollable that words or sitting on the chair on time out just would not work. It just bring her attention and focus right back i nthe groove and she rarely give me grief even she has ADHD. The longest she had was over six months without any spankings or smackings. A firm word, time out to her bedroom and being consisent worked for us MOST of the time when she is testing us.
I told the psychologist and counselors there, ok, BRING THEM ON and my whole family will back me up. Heck I even have cousins and cousin in laws that spank their kids...nope, I am not going to report them either because they didnt have bruises, nor "fearful" look like if they have been beaten, or anything remotely that requires immediate help. Nope, I have seen those kids test their parents and even one would cross the street when his mother screamed at him to stop but he didn't. So she gave him a couple smacks, told him firmly he is to stop to wait for her before crossing the street and explain why it is so dangerous to cross the street. I am still waiting on DCFS anyway...been three weeks now......because they do not agree with the spanking or smacking because it is illegial to do this corporal punishment because it consider abuse....I thought what! We are no where abusive to her, there ARE no bruises on my daughter and she was just at the doctor and you aint going to say otherwise!
In this sorry town, there are 650 kids here in Decatur that is being reported, only five sent to foster care or protective services. Overwhelming majority is because someone reported the parents or guardians in spanking or smacking the kids....there is a difference between disclipinary actions and abuse.
Like my father said, those type of people ARE abusing our kids by letting the kids do what they want to do when parents are so scared of being reported.
I will spank my daughter when I see fit, and the last resort when communication or time outs failed or in very dangerous situations (like crossing the street without listening to us). But to someone elses kids, I'll let the parent decide whats best for their kids because they know them much better than I do and they can get the most effective manner when they know what works. Beating is one thing but spanking is not.
As for the OP's of this thread, I have to say, he went a bit too far and something tells me it is like a bait and switch like kind of thing to get it recorded and she can get baddier so he would up the ante with his disclipinary actions a bit further. Kids are smart about that and they know what buttons to push. Yes I have seen fathers whopped their teenage daughters (mostly in the black community) and most of them do deserved it (they got mouthy with their parents, defiant, know it all) pushing all the buttons to get to the extreme side of it that causes the cops to take her away because she would want to get it her way or be taken away.
I don't know the whole story of it but it sure does happen more here and closed doors. Beatings or abuse should be reported but spankings and smacking when you are not angry but disappointed should not be.
Those are my opinions.
Guess what, when we went to family counseling a few weeks ago, our psychologist had the nerve to call the DCFS on us because we simply spanked her with our hand or spoon paddle. Once or twice spank and that was it. We would say after we spanked our daughter WHY we did it and we still love her and hug and kiss her afterwards. That was more than enough and she does not get a spanking every day but more like if she is anything more, once every four to six weeks she would have a total meltdown, I mean totally uncontrollable that words or sitting on the chair on time out just would not work. It just bring her attention and focus right back i nthe groove and she rarely give me grief even she has ADHD. The longest she had was over six months without any spankings or smackings. A firm word, time out to her bedroom and being consisent worked for us MOST of the time when she is testing us.
I told the psychologist and counselors there, ok, BRING THEM ON and my whole family will back me up. Heck I even have cousins and cousin in laws that spank their kids...nope, I am not going to report them either because they didnt have bruises, nor "fearful" look like if they have been beaten, or anything remotely that requires immediate help. Nope, I have seen those kids test their parents and even one would cross the street when his mother screamed at him to stop but he didn't. So she gave him a couple smacks, told him firmly he is to stop to wait for her before crossing the street and explain why it is so dangerous to cross the street. I am still waiting on DCFS anyway...been three weeks now......because they do not agree with the spanking or smacking because it is illegial to do this corporal punishment because it consider abuse....I thought what! We are no where abusive to her, there ARE no bruises on my daughter and she was just at the doctor and you aint going to say otherwise!
In this sorry town, there are 650 kids here in Decatur that is being reported, only five sent to foster care or protective services. Overwhelming majority is because someone reported the parents or guardians in spanking or smacking the kids....there is a difference between disclipinary actions and abuse.
Like my father said, those type of people ARE abusing our kids by letting the kids do what they want to do when parents are so scared of being reported.
I will spank my daughter when I see fit, and the last resort when communication or time outs failed or in very dangerous situations (like crossing the street without listening to us). But to someone elses kids, I'll let the parent decide whats best for their kids because they know them much better than I do and they can get the most effective manner when they know what works. Beating is one thing but spanking is not.
As for the OP's of this thread, I have to say, he went a bit too far and something tells me it is like a bait and switch like kind of thing to get it recorded and she can get baddier so he would up the ante with his disclipinary actions a bit further. Kids are smart about that and they know what buttons to push. Yes I have seen fathers whopped their teenage daughters (mostly in the black community) and most of them do deserved it (they got mouthy with their parents, defiant, know it all) pushing all the buttons to get to the extreme side of it that causes the cops to take her away because she would want to get it her way or be taken away.
I don't know the whole story of it but it sure does happen more here and closed doors. Beatings or abuse should be reported but spankings and smacking when you are not angry but disappointed should not be.
Those are my opinions.
To me the most telling part of the video was when the mother said, "Turn over and take it like a woman." Taking bets on whether or not she too was a recipient of the judge's beatings? Punishment - yes - physical, sometimes yes - beatings NO WAY!
I found the video to be shocking. Not sure why people would treat their kids like that. Just sad.
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