So very sorry for your loss okieinalaska. I hope your move back to familiar places and family goes well. I was stationed at Elmendorf for 7 years and understand about how far from family it can feel. I often wished (still do in fact) that I could have moved my family to AK so I could have the best of both worlds!
You seem to be dealing so far, keep close to your friends so you don't try to shoulder it all at once all alone. Asking friends for help is part of a woman's strength, not a weakness. We know that allowing a friend to help is a gift to THEM as well as a blessing on us.
Thank you for sharing this much with us, it's a reminder to us all as you say about that instant that can change our worlds.
I am so so sorry. You are living one of my greatest fears. I can't even begin to put together the words to express my sympathy for you and your family. I am so so sorry.