Losing My Job

[michickenwrangler]

Here's what's been going on with my life since late Jan.

https://www.backyardchickens.com/t/639858/miscarriage-or-not

Synopsis: Husband died a year ago, began dating, got pregnant--miserable during pregnancy, very sick, had a miscarriage. Job threatened to fire me.

Well, Tues April 10th, I tried talking to my building principal about what was going on. She wasn't exactly supportive (wanted to know if I could get on any anti-depressants that could "work faster") but did encourage me to seek counseling.

So, before I could even seek counseling, she called me BACK to her office a few days later to tell me my performance hasn't improved (well duh, I had a miscarriage and I've been depressed) and I could either resign nicely or they would fire me. I was so upset that I left the office crying. This was last Tues, I had to make my decision by the following Fri (a few days ago)

Well, at least my union rep who was present managed to keep a cool head. He contacted our district union rep and let him know what was going on. Apparently, the district guy wasn't happy, marched into the principal's office told me she was offering a "devil's deal" and made her call me to give me another week to decide.

When I related my story to him, he said that because I didn't have tenure, there wasn't a whole lot he could do, but he is going to try and make sure that my health insurance lasts for the whole summer instead of until June 30th. He is also going after the principal for misconduct on several counts (gave me only a few hours notice for the "meeting", only a few days to make a decision, the anti depressant comment, the fact that she never let me give counseling a chance, the whole not being sympathetic to the fact that I've lost a husband and a child and that my evals last year were good)

So what the heck should I put in my letter of resignation that won't make me sound snarky, bitter, sarcastic or whiny?

 

[MamaRoo]

I was given the option of resignation or termination. The HR person for the organization strongly promoted resignation for recs. I called a friend who is an HR consultant (independent). She said that "performance' stuff is a lot of hogwash, they just don't want to for your unemployment. The worst they can do is give only your dates of hire/leaving when asked about a rec.

Everyone gets fired at some point and employers are used to it. Keep in mind that if you voluntarily resign, you have a lot less to stand on if you decide to pursue anything with regard to them forcing you out.

Seriously, your resignation is only helping them, not you.

 

[bluesub]

Few things...

First, I have seen pictures of you, and you are pretty, so don't listen to your family.

Secondly, schooling or not, your boyfriend must be pretty smart to write a resignation letter for you and realize that you would not have been so polite in your letter. He sounds like a great friend, which is what you need.

You have your daughter, you take good care of her, you will figure out something to do but you need time to mourn - the loss of your husband, the loss of your former life, the loss of your baby, the loss of your job. You are right to seek counseling.

You can still volunteer your time to tutor or help out students in other ways.

You are strong, you have survived a lot in a short amount of time.

 

[Chemguy]

I'll share my own experience. If it is of help to you or others, then great. If not, then, well, these are just ramblings.

I haven't had the same experiences that you have, but I've been down before...way down. Health, marriage, job, home, the whole kit and caboodle. That's tough for me, as it is for many folk.

I'm a "fixer" by nature, by which I mean that when something isn't the way I want it to be or I think it should be, I go around trying to find the magic person, posession or event that will make everything better....right away. It took a few trips around the block for me to realize that I just don't have the power to "fix" most situations. At first, this realization had me feeling like I was lower than whale poop and that the world was out to get me...so I felt powerless. I was a person of extremes.

I took little baby steps, each time trying to point myself in what I believed to be a good direction. Sometimes these first steps came as a result of a suggestion or advice, sometimes they were my own idea. Not all of them worked out, but I kept taking those little steps. After a while, I realized that I could look back and see where I had started and where I was now. Over time that starting point was farther and farther away. I can still see it from where I'm at, and always will, but that starting point was the beginning of the journey. Bit by bit, sometimes quickly and sometimes at a snail's pace, things have gotten better.

Is my life all puppies and unicorns? Nope. But, it is immesnsely better than it was. It took time, and time takes time.

I hope the best for you.

 

[EweSheep]

I have to warn you, no good will come of "confronting" your boyfriend about why he's with you. Obviously he wants to be with you, that should be good enough for you and you probably need to realize that your desire to question him about it stems from your insecurity. When you question him and he tells you that he is with you because he loves you, etc, you are reassured.

My advice to you in regards to your low self esteem and lack of confidence with your boyfriend and others? Fake it till you make it. Even if you feel awkward, not good enough, etc., you need to act like you feel the opposite and soon you will begin to feel the way you have been "acting".

I certainly AGREE with this one!

 

[sourland]

WOW! When are things going to lighten up for you?

Don't follow my advice because it is probably wrong, but I would not resign. I would force them to fire me and then consider my options. I would ask my union rep for advice and might even seek legal advice. Good luck with this situation and your recovery.

 

[MamaRoo]

What Sourland said. Getting unemployment will be a whole lot easier if you were terminated.

 

[michickenwrangler]

No matter what, I will be able to draw SSI because of my deceased husband.

They haven't given me a lot of time to speak with an attorney (probably was done on purpose) and since my resignation is "due" Tuesday, I don't have time Monday or Tues (grad class after school Monday, professional development Tues). Maybe the union rep can buy me another week.

The plus to resignation is that it will be a face-saving measure and a poor performance won't "follow me" although where I'll get a good letter of recommendation, I have no idea.

DBF encouraged me to take a leave of absence back last Feb. when I was so sick and miserable. When I told him what was happening, he has been very supportive and told me that some time off just to stay home and "be a mom and chicken farmer" would do me some good.

 

[sourland]

I was given the option of resignation or termination. The HR person for the organization strongly promoted resignation for recs. I called a friend who is an HR consultant (independent). She said that "performance' stuff is a lot of hogwash, they just don't want to for your unemployment. The worst they can do is give only your dates of hire/leaving when asked about a rec.

Everyone gets fired at some point and employers are used to it. Keep in mind that if you voluntarily resign, you have a lot less to stand on if you decide to pursue anything with regard to them forcing you out.

Seriously, your resignation is only helping them, not you.

X 2

 

[michickenwrangler]

I was given the option of resignation or termination. The HR person for the organization strongly promoted resignation for recs. I called a friend who is an HR consultant (independent). She said that "performance' stuff is a lot of hogwash, they just don't want to for your unemployment. The worst they can do is give only your dates of hire/leaving when asked about a rec.

Everyone gets fired at some point and employers are used to it. Keep in mind that if you voluntarily resign, you have a lot less to stand on if you decide to pursue anything with regard to them forcing you out.

Seriously, your resignation is only helping them, not you.

Again, I'm fairly certain that giving me so little time is meant to "scare me" and not give me a chance to speak with an attorney. I don't have a prep period either, so I certainly can't make any calls then, heck I don't even have a scheduled lunch hour. Part of the reason why performance hasn't been great this year.