Major Parent Fail by Me.

[bufforp89]

My youngest brother Ashton, has ADHD and is bipolar...Diagnosed 3 years ago he is now in a special needs class, before he was in the special needs class he was constantly in trouble, constantly disrupting the class, hitting, yelling and would just cause general mayhem, I would have to pick him up weekly from school at least as I was the one always home. After 3 years in the special needs class he has become MUCH better due to the wonderful and dedicated teachers that have been with him every step of the way all 3 years. He is due to go back into a normal classroom setting after this year, this year will be the transitioning period where he will spend sometime in a normal class and some in his special needs class. We are very proud of him

We owe it all to his great teachers who have the patience, dedication and training to deal with children who have issues like Ashton. I wouldnt be so quick to get upset at your child being 'labled' ADHD positive, it may help him to get the extra help that he needs because after all isnt that what really counts? Him getting the help he needs to have a sucessful accidemic career?

 

[sourland]

No fail on your part. As has been stated already none of us got an operator's manual when our children were born. We just do the best that we can. Good luck on getting this situation resolved.

 

[piecemaker]

I want to say something from some one with ADHD, a parent and the teachers sides, I was a special ed aid. I am ADD and dyslexic, have 3 sons that are ADHA or ADD. Would you be a parnet failer if you got help for a child that needs glasses or a hearing aid or needed meds for any other medical problem? No I don't think so. So why is ADHD any different it is a medical condition, not something you or your child picked to be.

On the ADHA side can you watch a moive with some one changing the channel every few seconds? ADHD is like that . Bless my kids and DH they are my best back up. It took DH a while to learn how to deal with all of it but he is good about not riding me to much about things. The more you get on to us the harded it makes everything. Some things just need to be left up to us to do our way like cleaning or homework as long as it gets done does it have to be done a certian way? Help your child find which way works for him. Brake things down into multiple steps. Not clean your room, but maybe, pick up all toy cars, pick up all dirty cloths make your bed, ect. Maybe post a list for him. List save me alot of time, as long as I can keep up with them. That is why you post a in each area where things need done. We have found braking things down to smaller steps makes things easier to deal with not as over whelming. Some times it just helps to have some one tell you where to START doing some thing.

On a school side if the teacher is always saying, J sit down, J don't do that, J leave him alone, J stop talking, and on and on how much quality teaching is she able to do? What kind of education are the other kids in the class getting. What kind of education is your child getting?

Please seek medical help with your son, just like you would get him glasses if needed. Your will be a parent hero not a parent failer. The one thing to remember about the meds for ADHD is IT IS A PILL NOT A SKILL. Your child will still have good and bad days like any one else. He will still have to learn what and how to do things the right way. The meds make things more do able and it will not happen over night.
I am sorry I have rambled on or if I have said any thing wrong or stepped out of line or hurt any feelings

piecemaker

 

[Nigellas]

Have you tried changing his diet? Some kids are sensitive to gluten, casein, food dyes, etc. Sensitivities can show up as behavioral issues.

Yes, this.

 

[mikensara]

your child being labeled having a learning disability is not failing him in any way. my son has an iep hes in a very small structured class and he doesnt learn in a traditional way had he not had an education plan in place he wouldnt have made it this far. I struggled with the stigma for a while that he wasnt normal but when he made progress by leaps and bounds i learned something along the way that special education doesnt make him stupid its giving him the tools to learn.

 

[CrazyChickieMama]

Thanks again for all the replies! We are definitely going to be pro-active on this. I'm going to the office Monday morning to set up an appt. with his teacher and the school counselor. I'll also check out the food sensitivities. We don't do junk food in our house, but it would suck if it was a gluten issue....I love my pasta and bread! lol. (I know they do sell gluten-free products) Both my kids are sensitive to sugar and just a little is enough to send them bouncing off the walls.

We have broken down his chores to make it easier to do. And he seems to be doing better with his math homework now that he is not timed. In 2nd grade, all his homework was timed sheets. He would have 1 minute to do 25 problems and 4 minutes to do 100. It was too much for him. If there was no time limit, he could finish fine. But those timed sheets gave him fits!

The school (a relatively small charter school) has worked with the parents and kids I know that have had ADD or other learning and behavioral issues. They are more than willing to work with families on any problems they might have. Thankfully!!

And finally, YOU GUYS (and Gals!) ARE AWESOME!!! Thanks for helping me!!!

 

[Frogdogtimestwo]

Please please please have him tested for food allergies. One of our kids had the same story, tested for food allergies and came back allergic to gluten, dairy, eggs. Now we have a different kid, it made all the difference in the world to eliminate these from our diet. Also many dyes in food, convenience and junk food especially are made from petroleum byproducts and can cause huge behavioral issues in kids. It is a lot of work and expense for our family but everyone can see the difference in our child. We don't get instruction manuals with them don't beat yourself up about it.
As some one else mentioned get him an IEP and they will have to commit to helping him learn in a way that he can rather than traditional methods that only work for some kids.

 

[Mattemma]

Wishing your son well. I would not wait for a recommendation to see a doctor.I would see HIS doctor and perhaps 2 others,which would include someone in the mental health field.A dx such as this is to important to leave to one opinion especially if you decide to give your child drugs to control it.

Another thing is some schools allow more freedom to move around in the classroom and/or choose from subjects in the required work.In Montessori they have their weekly work.They know what needs to be done,but they can choose when to do it.Some kids work on the least favorite stuff first so they can linger on the subjects they like.

Best wishes that you find a good *way* for your son.Don't give up!

 

[EweSheep]

I also felt like I failed my daughter and last year and this year, we made it a pact to get it DX correctly. She has ADD/Asperger's/ODD and takes Intiniv pills and it works for her. She still has her problems but more manageable. Hubby, on the other hand, has ADD and possibly PSTD, is another whole ball of wax.

It just takes patience and understanding what they are going thru. I know I've got two of them I have to deal with. I am so thankful for her 1st grade teacher letting me know she is having problems at school and being distruptive in class. She had one dent./ two warnings and hopefully we will get it down pat. I think the teachers would have a much harder time with kids nowadays than they did 30-50 years ago.

 

[kareninthesun]

ALL my kids are ADD/ADHD. Three boys and a girl. Schools here in CA, they didn't test kids until first grade. First the Dr had to line up a school pych to watch and report with the teacher...more time passed until they all compaired notes. Then the Dr DEMANDED a monthly update from the teacher, and any communications from the teacher, AND a copy of their report/progress report cards. The change was so drastic once meds were taken that even the kids noticed it. Settled down immediately, concentration was excellent. Their confidence levels shot way up, they made friends. All beforehand were so behind in schoolwork they couldn't write numbers to 100, were always 'in trouble'. With my youngest, starting meds in first grade, by the end of second grade, he was doing 4th grade work. By the end of 6th grade, he was doing college level math and all English comprehensive work. It was a bear for me when they were little constantly challenging them, because it is a balance of keeping their very busy minds occupied and thinking outside of the box for physical stuff - lots and lots of sports helps, AND it is important to be watchful of distractions, to see what works best for them.

It isn't a label, most of our great scientists, artists were/are ADD/ADHD. I've also learned that the only handicap that children whom are diagnosed with such are the families. They really CANNOT help their actions. The Dr can recommend, or should recommend counseling for the whole family to verify and offer support. I forget the %'s, but it is pretty high for those diagnosed but chosen not to help other than trying to demand higher standards of the children, and it simply does not work. They can teach you what is acceptable of behaviour, and what is not.

All my kids stayed on meds. (not that there were'nt times where I seriously wanted to lock them in the closet...) They grew up well: one owned an ambulance company and sold it to become the Head Safety person over a world wide energy company. My second son was the youngest person ever chosen to be a bank manager for a leading bank. My daughter owns and opporates a small care facility that takes in elderly and plays/writes music. My youngest son is in college, still hasn't decided on his true focus: either related to geology or culinary. Think food is a hobby we love him practicing on most.
ADD/ADHD runs so thick in my family that I didn't think it abnormal behaviour growing up. We always got in a lot of trouble, once starting HS were easily overwhelmed, grades all over the place, but once out of school, everyone found their identity. But kids nowdays have better options. Sure beats being labeled forever as troublemakers and have those paper trails follow you. There is far too much competition once they are out of HS to not send them out with the best of what is availabe.