Major Parent Fail by Me.

[Acre of Blessings]

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My first thoughts exactly....done this with our middle child and it works wonders......naturally with no meds

 

[piecemaker]

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So well said

 

[debilorrah]

I have to smile at this post. This is a mother frustrated with a kid that is social butterfly. The fake stabbing himself? Attention. The kid wants attention. My son, oh my Lord, my son. Kindergarten I got notes daily about him drawings pictures of his classmates instead of doing work. 1st grade, he played so many practical jokes on others that everyone HATED him. 2nd grade he threw sand at every opportunity. 3rd grade he was suspended for sexual harrassment - the kid was sick of a fat girl poking him with her pencil and tried to reach back to slap her not turning around and grabbed her crotch.

And it went on and on and on and on. 10th grade, he was playing footbal before school and kicked the ball and his shoe went up on the roof. I am thinkin it is still there for all the help I got. 11th grade, we home schooled and he dropped out. Fast forward to 20, he got his GED and his now almost 22 and in college full time and totally gettin it.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just not yet.

 

[suzettex5]

O...M.....G!!! You have the EXACT same story as I do!!! And my son is now 12!!!

He had issues since kindergarden (spent more time 'benched' at recess than playing the whole year) and was suspended in 1st grade, couldnt concentrate, wouldnt sit still, etc, etc, until I FINALLY stopped being in denial and blaming myself and got him evaluated.

I sat in the Dr's office telling Doc all his past and all his 'issues' and then I told Doc it was ALL MY FAULT since I didnt give him enough attention, not enough one on one time, didnt feed him healthy enough, got divorced when he was 2, etc, etc....it was all MY fault and he was really a good boy. What really hurts is he would tell me he felt like he needed help from a Dr or something and that he needed help to control himself. I thought those were just excuses so he could get away with bad behavior. But when NO punishment on earth works, ya gotta figure something is up....

You know what I found out? I was WRONG to ignore his pleas for help!!! He had/has SOOOO many signs and symptoms of ADHD that there was just nothing else to do but give him medication. I was in such denial for SO many years, I felt so much guilt. I wish I had gotten him help sooner, but theres nothing I can do about that now.

Now I try to watch his diet, get him excercising and make sure he takes his prescription. The nice thing about his med is I can let him take weekends and summers off it, as long as its what we both want to do and can handle.

One good thing is alot of kids outgrow it, and if not, as they mature, they are better able to handle their symptoms and behaviors.

Its still a rough road, but I know it will get better! I hope things go well for you and you get the answers and help you and your son need.

Oh, and DoNT count on the school for a diagnosis- that should come from a medical Dr with experience with kids with ADD/ADHD.

 

[mammas]

I know its not the answer to everything but if it were my child, I would get them off any and all processed foods, white flour and sugar. they put aspartime, corn syrup and msg in nearly everything processed these days and these chemicals have serious short and long term effects. I would also get a berkey water filter with a flouride filter included. also dont let your child sleep next to the wall that your electric meter is on - esp if its a smart meter. Many children are especially sensitive to electro magnetic frequencies.

 

[redhen]

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Kinda like ghost hunters?

 

[CrazyChickieMama]

You are all fabulous! There have been so many good suggestions and advice offered and none of the criticism I was worried about getting. My husband and I are sorting out a reward and rules system to break down everything here at home to a more manageable level for him. I'm also going to do some research on the gluten/food allergies/sensitivities you gals have mentioned. That way, when I make the appt. with his doc, I'll come prepared! I've also drawn up some questions for his teacher and the counselor. And my neighbor(who drives my kids to school in the morning) has offered up some suggestions as well. Her oldest has ADHD. They didn't figure it out til he was around 8, so she knows what it's like. She's offered up suggestions as well.

Thank you so much for all the support!!! You make me cry happy tears!!!!

 

[Circe]

My oldest son was diagnosed with ADD last year. We had already spent a year changing his diet and sleep habits. That didn't work. We had an evaluation done and placed him on Vyvanse. The change is remarkable. Oh, he still acts like a 6-7 year old and still talks non-stop. BUT, he can focus, now. He even says that. He's not an ADD kid; he's just a kid with ADD. It's a part of who he is and we try to be patient and work on listening skills and organizational skills. The "parenting fail" for us would have been to allow him to continue being frustrated and angry and let him grow up hating school.

 

[EweSheep]

I agree with you all! I thought I failed miserably, just miserably as a parent and having a hubby that is ADD or some kind of psy disability.

I was just frustrated with both of them and wanted to knock both of their heads in but being more understanding how dd gets frustrated, I would help hubby but it is not a cure-all because both of them are at different levels. DD has school and she would get frustrated, already had detention once because she "smacked" the kid down, can't keep her hands to herself, unable to stop talking, intruding people's spaces or boundaries which I had to tell her over and over, and over figured she would get it by now. She could not make her bed because the fitted sheets just kept popping up in the wrong places. Hubby showed that to her over and over and over and to this day, she just don't get it. Even for flat sheets, she would get so mad because she can't figure out why they can not stay in place like the fitted sheets. Same for putting on dresses, she would fight the straps. Throwing and damaging toys that she can not figure out what to do next so it takes alot of patience. DD is on Incitiniv and it will take some time to work on her before school starts.

What the PSY doc said to us, we need to make a schedule, use smiley faces or frowns and when she gets thru the week, she will get a prize!

 

[Nimby Chickens]

My good friend Lita lives in Boston, MA. Up there they have a whole lot of programs for disabled kids. When someone is evaluated and diagnosed for Asbergers, autistic spectral disorders, ADHD, ADD, etc. they become 'disabled' and then are entitled to a whole lot more rights that you may not be aware of. Lita's son has Asbergers and tourettes syndrome, along with ADHD - a triple whammy. Because of this he has a 'helper' during school hours and provided at no charge to their family. It was not easy to get and there was a lot of wading through paper and time spent.

The end result though, is that Kieren has a constant companion at school, who does what the teacher cannot, literally sits next to him, makes sure he concentrates and behaves and does his work. It also engages him socially because he is just terrible at social interaction. A very chronically uncool kid because he cannot read those social cues (autism) and is the king of non-sequitors. Funny to us, but offensive to the kid who tells him 'my mom died.

' and Kieren is like 'oh really? well T-REX IS MY FAVORITE DINOSAUR!!!

'

She also has a reward system in place that is really cool. She calls it 'political capitol'. He earns it for being thoughtful, respectful, and listening to instructions. He can spend it however he chooses as it translates to real money or time doing something he loves. He has to spend it to watch TV or play video games. He can go a little into the negative if he chooses but if he is ever negative he gets NO privileges whatsoever. It teaches him a little about spending wisely too - Lita is a very big proponent of compulsory financial literacy teaching in school like health class. I totally agree - our country wouldn't be in this mess if we did that!

Anyway, I don't have children and so I have nothing to personally add, but thought I would put that info out there for those who could use it.