Makeshift Family of Misfits?

[CoopCrazy]

I say go for it .. Make sure you have a place to come back to (just in case) and that your return ticket is paid for... Otherwise go out, have fun, see things you never dreamed of, taste, touch and smell EVERYTHING... If I hadnt taken over the care of my godchildren I would have been out of the country two years ago... Dont get me wrong I LOVE my family and my home but I would give anything to just travel and be FREE for even a few weeks...

BTW: You ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me ( We is "family"

) LOL Pride all the way!!!

 

[justbugged]

Quote:
This explains me much better than, I have been able to myself. I to have gotten to the point I don't really need much of anything anymore. I still buy groceries, and feed, but if I can stay home all the better. I know that I am irritating to most people I meet, so if I am at home, I know that I haven't been irritating anyone else. I will have to think about your idea of having people pay me to keep my clothes on. I am fairly sure that I could make a living that way.

The problem with going places is that the person you are trying to get away from always follows you there. Maybe you can spend a few days that are exciting and fun filled, but then you will begin to realize that what you are trying to get away from is still inside you. To be really happy you have to deal with yourself. Travel is fun for a little while, but one of the things I have found is it's not home. People will rarely let you into their lives in a meaningful way. At 20 there is still more than a few years to establish lasting friendships, but by the time you get to your 50's it is nearly impossible to create meaningful long term friendships. Everyone seems to be set by this age. The friendships are established, and have a history between the people in the friendship.

If you are a misfit in life, it doesn't seem to matter how hard to try to be friends, something always happens and once again you will be unforgivable. Maybe it's better to learn to at least like yourself some, because that will be more reliable in the long term.

quote((kind of. me and my ex are love one another but not enough to be together, seeing as we have no future together)
I must admit I don't understand this. This must be more about each person’s needs to being met. I married the first guy that would even consider dating me. He is still one of less than 5 guys that I can ever remember liking me, and or hitting on me. We are still married after 28 years. There are ups and downs, and sometimes I know that I don't like him very much. I still know that he is the nicest man I have ever met. I know we still care about each other. We are family, maybe that is what you are having trouble with. Unless you can identify what a functional family even looks like, much less how one works, it will always be nearly impossible to create one for yourself. The goal would be to make sure that you don't make the same mistakes that your parents have made.

There is a saying you marry what you are familiar with. So you have to be careful that you don't create a relationship with some one that is just like one of your parents. That will that a lot of work.

I have found that guys seem to think that they can somehow make you happy, and that when they figure out that they can't, they then give up on you. A lot of guys need to be heroes.


I also think that you should dance as much as you can when you are young, travel as far as you can, and work on your own happiness as though it meant your life.

I don't think it comes across much, but I started a thing many years back where I told myself that I was happy. At first It was always said with gritted teeth, and a cuss word or two. But six months later I was please to realize that I was truly happier. It is hard to change the words in your head. I am still working on not allowing the negative words to be said even inside my own head.

The pain thing for me has just always been there. The doctors call it Fibromyalgia, but for me it seems to be more than that. I also have nerve damage it my feet. I am usually happy if I can get the pain levels down to a 6 or 7 most days. It hasn't helped that in the past couple of weeks that the pain has been closer to 9 or 10 a lot of the time. I am finding that stress and too much to do will set it off

 

[PineappleMama]

My life is pretty compartmentalized...

There's the folks I see at the kid's school ... PTA, etc. Once in a blue moon will see them outside that environment, but just not likely. Especially now we're doing HSing.

There's the folks I see the 1-2x/yr we get to karaoke... never see them outside that venue.

Then there's my internet buds... jabber all the time, very rare to meet. Does happen, but few and far between. Getting a bit with one this evening actually.

There's neighbors I talk to if we happen to be outside... their kids and our kids play... that sort of thing... but never have done a BBQ, block party, anything like that.

Even family is separated... There's DH's side of the family... never see them mixing with mine except on a rare kid's b-day.

There's my Mom's side... used to all be close but since Grands passed we've scatter... and there's the drama too.

There's my Dad's side... all in Arkansas... only time Mom & Dad's mix is funerals well and our wedding. Dad came to Gran, Papabear, Mems services to hold my hand... and pay respects... but otherwise no contact.



As I said, compartmentalized... and the bins rarely mix... but from what I've seen I'm pretty weird that way... bummer sometimes, I really do lead a very boring life... but one good thing is that if there's drama in one bin (IE being blackballed by the cranky PTA president) it doesn't effect any of my other bins... which is nice.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

GO! Leaving my pain in the tail family in a cloud of dust to move to another state when I was 22 was the best thing I ever did. I graduated high school living under a bridge for 3 months, went to work at a prison as a guard, then got custody of my 16 year old sister due to pop being abusive, had her for a year, then she decided to go back to the abusive situation, SOOOOOOOO I said to heck with them ALL and moved 3 states away for a year and HAD A BLAST just being me for a while. It was selfish. It was dangerous because I had no job and no place to stay other than my car in a strange town, but I had been homeless before, so it didn't bother me then

It was a very good experience. Wouldn't trade it for the world. I am glad I eventually came back, but there is always the memories of being completely not tied down, completely FREE that I would not trade for anything. I say go for it. You'll likely be back, and not miss much of anything anyway.

 

[justbugged]

Quote:
I am working on this concept. I don't think that it is all that bad. I have enough family history that this is considered normal in my family of origins. I find it hard to realize that it will pass on to the next generation also. Both mine and my brother’s children have distanced themselves from their siblings. I know why and how, but it is rather sad and it’s a shame. As for the drama thing maybe that is why I lost some very close friendships. I refuse to participate in drama. I find that it is most often illogical and rarely does anyone get what they were looking for in the first place.

 

[PureFluff]

I must admit I don't understand this. This must be more about each person’s needs to being met. I married the first guy that would even consider dating me. He is still one of less than 5 guys that I can ever remember liking me, and or hitting on me. We are still married after 28 years. There are ups and downs, and sometimes I know that I don't like him very much. I still know that he is the nicest man I have ever met. I know we still care about each other. We are family, maybe that is what you are having trouble with. Unless you can identify what a functional family even looks like, much less how one works, it will always be nearly impossible to create one for yourself. The goal would be to make sure that you don't make the same mistakes that your parents have made.

There is a saying you marry what you are familiar with. So you have to be careful that you don't create a relationship with some one that is just like one of your parents. That will that a lot of work.

I have found that guys seem to think that they can somehow make you happy, and that when they figure out that they can't, they then give up on you. A lot of guys need to be heroes.

We're good for each other. We have an on-again off-again kind of thing. But we have no future together. He has dreams of fame, of touring as a rapper/musician (please don't judge him on that, I know some do). This means going on tour, this means not being stable. I need to find stability in my life, according to my counselor, eventually because my entire life has been instability. I also cannot stay somewhere and have someone I focus my love on being far away, as I have abandonment issues.

These are my problems, but I would never ask him to stay for me. We're both selfish in this sense, we won't give up our own needs just for a relationship.

I hope that explains it? It's complex, and strange.​

 

[justbugged]

That makes understanding where you are coming from much easier.

So is he really working his behind off to a musician? Or is he just dreaming? Lots of people dream of fame, but most never have a clue to how hard it can be to be a working musician. Most musicians never leave their metropolitan area homes. They will spend their lives working in area's music haunts. Even groups that have big hits often end up working back in their hometowns most of the time.


I respect that you have drawn boundaries about where you need to be. The hardest thing that you will have to do is have a stable life, and be able to trust that you will be okay regardless of what another person is doing or not.

At 20 just one or two relationships that you may have been do not define the possibilities. Go get more education, travel, meet people, and never forget to dance. Education will have you meeting other people that are going to be going places, and they will help you reach for things that you don't even know about yet.

 

[TwilightMom]

Go for it! You are only young once! you have no strings right now. Go for it!

 

[newfoundland]

I agree with Twilight Mom. After all, most of your ancestors probably came from Europe and had they not jumped in and made the journey the other way, who knows? Nothing is for ever and if it doesn't work out what have you lost? I would buy an open ended return ticket or open a bank account only to be used for repatriation though, this way you have peace of mind.

 

[justbugged]

Quote:
Good advice!