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This explains me much better than, I have been able to myself. I to have gotten to the point I don't really need much of anything anymore. I still buy groceries, and feed, but if I can stay home all the better. I know that I am irritating to most people I meet, so if I am at home, I know that I haven't been irritating anyone else. I will have to think about your idea of having people pay me to keep my clothes on. I am fairly sure that I could make a living that way.
The problem with going places is that the person you are trying to get away from always follows you there. Maybe you can spend a few days that are exciting and fun filled, but then you will begin to realize that what you are trying to get away from is still inside you. To be really happy you have to deal with yourself. Travel is fun for a little while, but one of the things I have found is it's not home. People will rarely let you into their lives in a meaningful way. At 20 there is still more than a few years to establish lasting friendships, but by the time you get to your 50's it is nearly impossible to create meaningful long term friendships. Everyone seems to be set by this age. The friendships are established, and have a history between the people in the friendship.
If you are a misfit in life, it doesn't seem to matter how hard to try to be friends, something always happens and once again you will be unforgivable. Maybe it's better to learn to at least like yourself some, because that will be more reliable in the long term.
quote((kind of. me and my ex are love one another but not enough to be together, seeing as we have no future together)
I must admit I don't understand this. This must be more about each persons needs to being met. I married the first guy that would even consider dating me. He is still one of less than 5 guys that I can ever remember liking me, and or hitting on me. We are still married after 28 years. There are ups and downs, and sometimes I know that I don't like him very much. I still know that he is the nicest man I have ever met. I know we still care about each other. We are family, maybe that is what you are having trouble with. Unless you can identify what a functional family even looks like, much less how one works, it will always be nearly impossible to create one for yourself. The goal would be to make sure that you don't make the same mistakes that your parents have made.
There is a saying you marry what you are familiar with. So you have to be careful that you don't create a relationship with some one that is just like one of your parents. That will that a lot of work.
I have found that guys seem to think that they can somehow make you happy, and that when they figure out that they can't, they then give up on you. A lot of guys need to be heroes.
I also think that you should dance as much as you can when you are young, travel as far as you can, and work on your own happiness as though it meant your life.
I don't think it comes across much, but I started a thing many years back where I told myself that I was happy. At first It was always said with gritted teeth, and a cuss word or two. But six months later I was please to realize that I was truly happier. It is hard to change the words in your head. I am still working on not allowing the negative words to be said even inside my own head.
The pain thing for me has just always been there. The doctors call it Fibromyalgia, but for me it seems to be more than that. I also have nerve damage it my feet. I am usually happy if I can get the pain levels down to a 6 or 7 most days. It hasn't helped that in the past couple of weeks that the pain has been closer to 9 or 10 a lot of the time. I am finding that stress and too much to do will set it off
) LOL Pride all the way!!!
