Michigan Thread - all are welcome!

This is the first part of the article I am trying to get submitted to publishing. Please give me feed back...


My First Year with Chickens​

In 2009, we moved to a house that was on the outskirts of town, but with in a 1/2 mile to everything. It is a smallish, bi-level home with a large yard. Just over an acre, surrounded by woods that are the property of the guy who lives a few housed up the neighboring street. There are also a lot of trees in the yard. We have a neighbor to the east, well two, but the farther neighbor is never home. To the west, through a copse of trees is an elderly lady and her father. Both are widowed and have moved together to save expenses and keep company. Across the street, lived another elderly couple, but they have since sold to a younger couple, and moved on. Also, there is a large apartment complex that is very dog friendly and quiet.

At the time of our move, my sons were 3 and 3 months. We had a pit bull, 4 cats, and a bird. My parents also lived with me as both were disabled in such ways that living by themselves was not possible.

The first year we lived here, we fenced the backyard for the dog, cleaned the mess from the previous owners, of which there is still quiet a bit of trash left in the back shed. My neighbors to the east had chickens and rabbits. They never really let the chickens out that first year, so we really didn't even know they had them. The second year they started letting them run the yard and my Dad and I loved to see them all over our yard.

In 2010, I told my dad that I wanted to have a small veggie patch. Give it a try, and see if I could handle it. My youngest was no longer nursing, and he was also walking, so more independent, which left my hands less tied. Since we have so many trees in the backyard and a drain field in the front, we built a 4x8 raised garden box. My dad also built a 4x8 table out of landscape timbers to hold pots of various sizes so we could try potted veggies also. We grew, or tried to grow, tomatoes, beans, cucumbers, watermelon, cantaloupe, Brussels, broccoli, cauliflower and radishes. We did not have the best of luck that first year. We were total newbies to the "Grow your own food" life. The only things that grew well were the tomatoes, cucumbers, beans and melons. Our broccoli and cauliflower bloomed. Our Brussels.. Well, like I said we didn't know what we were doing. Didn't even have a book or someone to teach us. We were flying by the seat of our pants.

We did some talking to the neighbors about the birds. We ate a lot of eggs, about 2 dozen a week. Breakfast, baking, breads, etc...We decided that maybe we'd build our own coop and get about 6 girls for eggs and a few boys for chicks and dinner. We'd do this project in the Spring of 2011.

My Dad, best friend, grandpa... He passed away October 30, 2010 in my car on our way to deliver Saturday mornings GR Press. He never got to see his dream of small farming and self sufficiency become a full reality. And I thought, maybe I won't do the chickens after all.

Winter came and went. I still wanted chickens.

In April of 2011 I started looking into the different types of chickens. I wanted something that would be easy, lay well, be particularly docile, child friendly. I decided I wanted Faverolles. I got silkies.

I started looking on-line for types of coops. I could not afford to buy a shed like the neighbors had. There was still too much garbage in the back shed that I have been ignoring. Also, there was a lot of securing that I'd have to do in order to use it. I didn't have the tools or skills required to build a coop. I did have hammers, nails, hand screw drivers, a drill with dead batteries and a roto-zip. Actually, I had more than this, but didn't know the extent of the tools my dad had in the massive mess that was my garage.

I went to the local Tractor Supply and bought a dog house with a hinged top, a roll of chicken wire, chick feeders, and water-ers and a bag of pine shavings and chick starter. I then went to the Lakeshore Resource store and bought a cupboard door, hinges, and lock. I also picked up a bunch of wood to build an under-run frame to set the dog house on. The dog house had a removable floor. I took all of this home, and got out my roto-zip, yes roto-zip, and started to cut 2x4s to length for the frame. I had to get it finished quick like, since I had already contacted a lady named Heidi to buy silkies. We are now into the end of May.

Heidi showed up with a dozen un-sexed silkies. Being ignorant, I picked the biggest, thinking they were obviously the healthiest. I picked five birds. Two black, and 3 buff. Both the blacks ended up being boys, and one buff roo as well. Boy can I pick 'em.

I installed them in there new home. They were seven weeks old, so only required food and water. OH, the were so cute! A week or so later, the neighbor kid brought over two white leghorns pullets that he had hatched out in a class project and dumped them in my coop. Okay, I know have 7 chickens. I also have two very ticked off black silkies who were picking on the leghorns relentlessly. Yes.. The silkies.

A friend of mine saw the silkies and decided she wanted some too. I contacted Heidi again and asked her if she had any left. She brought them over, and again I picked the two largest blacks. I kept them, and foisted the two meanies off on my friend. They were going to be her only chickens, so, all was good. There was harmony in the coop again.

Note: As of this time, I still had no clue as to the sex of the silkies. Out of seven hand picked birds, I picked 5 boys. WOW!

Well all is happy in our little coop and run. I had still had no real egg layers. I went on Craiglist and found an add for silver and gold laced Wyandottes. I went on Feathersite, looked up what they were and decided that, yup, these were it. I got two of each, brought them home, and dumped them in the coop. I had no idea of quarantine procedures at this time.

But I still wanted faverolles...

Lets back up a bit... In March of 2011 I had to put my Babi to sleep. It was a very sad time. Being a dog lover, I couldn't wait for a new dog. I think I managed a week with out one before I found an ad for a Boston Terrier. I brought Argus home. At the beginning of June, I brought a puggle named Ruby home so he'd always have constant companionship. I had never, ever, had little dogs before. Do not care for them much. But Argus stole my heart.

Argus and Ruby got loose, and I had my first chicken loss. They killed one of the leghorns by playing with it.


OK... This is what I am sharing for now... Please give me your feedback.
 
LOVE IT :) I love reading stories about how people came into getting animals. I also like to ask people how they met their significant other :)
 
I really like it Nova! If you're submitting it as an article there are definately some grammatical issues to address, if you're concerned about that sort of thing.
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I have to admit that I did giggle a bit about the roto-zip.
 
I dabble in editing, and sort-of write for a living so please take any info I give as constructive criticism. :) Good for you for putting yourself out there! :)

Here's what I see right off the bat...first...identify your audience and write to them...where are you thinking of applying for publication? Write the article so that it is a good fit for that publication. Second, Make sure you explain things that people might not know...i for one, have no idea what a roto-zip is. Next...if you are applying to be published in a magazine or newspaper vs. on a blog or some other more informal publication, omit "..." type thoughts, and informal language/slang like "newbies", etc...this can be acceptable, and even desireable in the blog world though sometimes. Other advice I would give would be not to give too many outside details (the intro is a little off topic and long-winded...I would cut it down, but still get the point across about your neighborhood.) Then, add in some imagery! Draw your reader in by using descriptive words to paint a mental picture of the things you are talking about...ex. Instead of saying, "It is a smallish, bi-level home, with a large yard." Say something like "Our house is a cozy, bi-level home with white siding and green shutters. It sits on an acre of land filled with beautiful trees, on the outskirts of town." But obviously make it to reflect what your house is actually like. I would also say to write in chronological order...don't jump back to the dogs, either leave it out, or fit it in where it happened. Organize your thoughts into paragraphs of 3-5 sentences with varying sentence lengths and structures, unless you are applying for a blog post spot, where more informal writing is sometimes acceptable. Please don't think I'm being overly critical...it's the little things in writing that make a difference, and good imagery is imperative if you want to keep your reader engaged and interested...which is not always the goal, but this sounds like a human interest piece to me more than educational literature. Lastly, be careful on comma use.

Ok, here's what I'm marking below... fragment sentences (incomplete thoughts) (avoid these at all costs.) Awkward sentences or words (this just means that they don't flow as well as they could, or what you are trying to communicate is not quite clear.) Omit (these are the things I would take out because they take away from what you are trying to share, and then I would elaborate and use more description on the things that you are keeping.)

Also keep in mind that the typical blog post is 500-1200 words, and a one-2 page article for a magazine would probably be a good first submission (make sure to include some killer pictures too! :D)


This is the first part of the article I am trying to get submitted to publishing. Please give me feed back...


My First Year with Chickens​

In 2009, we moved to a house that was on the outskirts of town, but with in (this should be one word.) a 1/2(spell this out) mile to everything. It is a smallish, bi-level home with a large yard. Just over an acre, surrounded by woods that are the property of the guy who lives a few housed up the neighboring street. There are also a lot of trees in the yard. We have a neighbor to the east, well two, but the farther neighbor is never home. To the west, through a copse of trees is an elderly lady and her father. Both are widowed and have moved together to save expenses and keep company. Across the street, lived another elderly couple, but they have since sold to a younger couple, and moved on. Also, there is a large apartment complex that is very dog friendly and quiet. (I would tell about the neighbor with the chickens and that's it, and then maybe give a general description of the neighborhood (several elderly neighbors, a few neighbors close by..etc.)

At the time of our move, my sons were 3 and 3 months. We had a pit bull, 4 cats, and a bird. My parents also lived with me as both were disabled in such ways that living by themselves was not possible. (I would add a few commas, and change the sentence structure a little bit.)

The first year we lived here, we fenced the backyard for the dog, cleaned the mess from the previous owners, of which there is still quiet a bit of trash left in the back shed. (I would add a conjunction, and maybe re-word the part about trash in the shed, or make it a new thought, and say that they left a lot behind.) My neighbors to the east had chickens and rabbits. They never really let the chickens out that first year, so we really didn't even know they had them. The second year they started letting them run the yard and my Dad and I loved to see them all over our yard.(I would elaborate on this, use some description to show how much you loved the sight of the chickens and how and why it inspired you...that's something people love to hear!)

In 2010, I told my dad that I wanted to have a small veggie patch. Give it a try, and see if I could handle it. My youngest was no longer nursing, and he was also walking, so more independent, which left my hands less tied. (This should be two thoughts, and re-worded.) Since we have so many trees in the backyard and a drain field in the front, we built a 4x8 raised garden box. My dad also built a 4x8 table out of landscape timbers to hold pots of various sizes so we could try potted veggies also. We grew, or tried to grow, tomatoes, beans, cucumbers, watermelon, cantaloupe, Brussels, broccoli, cauliflower and radishes. We did not have the best of luck that first year. We were total newbies to the "Grow your own food" life. The only things that grew well were the tomatoes, cucumbers, beans and melons. Our broccoli and cauliflower bloomed. Our Brussels.. Well, like I said we didn't know what we were doing. Didn't even have a book or someone to teach us. We were flying by the seat of our pants.

We did some talking to the neighbors about the birds. (I would elaborate on this also.)We ate a lot of eggs, about 2 dozen a week. (I would make this longer, or just say "We ate about 2 dozen eggs a week.) Breakfast, baking, breads, etc...We decided that maybe we'd build our own coop and get about 6 girls for eggs and a few boys for chicks and dinner. We'd do this project in the Spring of 2011. (I would re-word this so it communicates that, that is when you planned to do it.)

My Dad, best friend, grandpa... (I think this is a beautiful sentiment, but it is lost in the way it is written...I would do something more like On October 30th, 2010, on our way to deliver the GR Press, my Dad, my best friend, grandfather to my children, pased away...obviously write it in your own voice, but I would re-word it so it flows and has formal punctuation.) He passed away October 30, 2010 in my car on our way to deliver Saturday mornings GR Press. He never got to see his dream of small farming and self sufficiency become a full reality. And I thought, maybe I won't do the chickens after all.

Winter came and went. I still wanted chickens.

In April of 2011 I started looking into the different types of chickens. I wanted something that would be easy (easy what? to care for? to look at? explain), lay well, be particularly docile, (and) child friendly. I decided I wanted Faverolles. I got silkies.

I started looking on-line for types of coops. I could not afford to buy a shed like the neighbors had. There was still too much garbage in the back shed that I have been ignoring. (Explain why you were ignoring it or omit this.) Also, there was a lot of securing that I'd have to do in order to use it. I didn't have the tools or skills required to build a coop. I did have hammers, nails, hand screw drivers, a drill with dead batteries and a roto-zip. Actually, I had more than this, but didn't know the extent of the tools my dad had in the massive mess that was my garage. (I would re-word this.)

I went to the local Tractor Supply and bought a dog house with a hinged top, a roll of chicken wire, chick feeders, and water-ers and a bag of pine shavings and chick starter. I then went to the Lakeshore Resource store and bought a cupboard door, hinges, and lock. I also picked up a bunch of wood to build an under-run frame to set the dog house on. The dog house had a removable floor. I took all of this home, and got out my roto-zip, yes roto-zip(explain what this is, and use the proper name if that is not.), and started to cut 2x4s to length for the frame. I had to get it finished quick like, since I had already contacted a lady named Heidi to buy silkies. We are now into the end of May.

Heidi showed up with a dozen un-sexed silkies. Being ignorant, I picked the biggest, thinking they were obviously the healthiest. I picked five birds. Two black, and 3 buff. Both the blacks ended up being boys, and one buff roo as well. Boy can I pick 'em.

I installed them in there (their) new home. They were seven weeks old, so only required food and water. OH, the were so cute! A week or so later, the neighbor kid brought over two white leghorns pullets that he had hatched out in a class project and dumped them in my coop. Okay, I know have 7 chickens. I also have two very ticked off black silkies who were picking on the leghorns relentlessly. Yes.. The silkies. (If people don't know about chickens, they won't get this, elaborate a little and make it funny. The normally sweet, puff ball silkies, were picking on the known-to-be-tough leghorns!)

A friend of mine saw the silkies and decided she wanted some too. I contacted Heidi again and asked her if she had any left. She brought them over, and again I picked the two largest blacks. I kept them, and foisted the two meanies off on my friend. They were going to be her only chickens, so, all was good. There was harmony in the coop again.

Note: As of this time, I still had no clue as to the sex of the silkies. Out of seven hand picked birds, I picked 5 boys. WOW!

Well all is happy in our little coop and run. I had still had no real egg layers. I went on Craiglist and found an add for silver and gold laced Wyandottes. I went on Feathersite, looked up what they were and decided that, yup, these were it. I got two of each, brought them home, and dumped them in the coop. I had no idea of quarantine procedures at this time.

But I still wanted faverolles...

Lets back up a bit... In March of 2011 I had to put my Babi to sleep. It was a very sad time.(Give background to who Babi is first.) Being a dog lover, I couldn't wait for a new dog. I think I managed a week with out one before I found an ad for a Boston Terrier. I brought Argus home. At the beginning of June, I brought a puggle named Ruby home so he'd always have constant companionship. I had never, ever, had little dogs before. Do not care for them much. But Argus stole my heart.

Argus and Ruby got loose, and I had my first chicken loss. They killed one of the leghorns by playing with it.


OK... This is what I am sharing for now... Please give me your feedback.

Ok, there's your freebie edit from me! Don't hate me, remember that I want to help you produce the best article you can! :D I love the back bone of your story though, and think it could be a very enjoyable article. Feel free to message me if you want more help!
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Nice to hear how people start out with chickens. I am curious as to who your audience is, and where you are attempting to publish. How long do you foresee the completed piece?
 
Nova, I liked your story so much, and Jen gave some good editing tips. I think I would still include the part about the neighbors, it is very homey. I also loved the part about your Dad, obviously he was your inspiration, and I can tell you still miss him very much
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.

My advice would be to not worry much about grammer, spelling or the order of events as you write, you can always go back and fix that stuff up (or have someone else do it if you would prefer). Sometimes is is better to let your thoughts just run, and reorganize and correct later.
 
Beautiful story Nova! I also love hearing about your neighbors and your dad

Wow! You are a great editor Mrshaggie. I have a friend who is a writer and she has to rewrite things about 4 times before they are published. She also has an editor.
 
Thanks mrshaggie. I am copying and saving your post.

I am looking to have my article publish in Chickens. It is one of the Hobby Farm publications. I do plan on adding pictures to it as well.

I appreciate the responses. I "dabble" in writing and have never published anything. I do it mostly for my own enjoyment and release. We are a family of avid readers, however, and I thought, what the hay, I can do this. It is a lot harder really than I thought. I would have hated to submit it and gotten a back response. THAT is why I put it here and hoped people would see the crap I missed, messed up, or didn't even consider. I tend to write exactly how I am thinking. Being bi-polar, well that can mean some serious rambling and concentration loss.
 

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