Mid-life Crisis or WHAT??

[corancher]

It sounds like bliss to me. I dream for those days where I don’t have to rush from one place to the next.

I stayed home with our daughter until she went to school. I too remember thinking is this it so I went back to school and got a degree. I have been working every day now for the last 25 years and believe me it starts to drag on you also. Don’t get me wrong I love working and having co-workers, customers, etc. to get a change of pace but it is not always fun.

Try to enjoy what you have. Volunteer somewhere that you have a concern with. There are never enough people to volunteer and sometimes volunteering works it’s way into a job or career. I think you are just need some adults to converse with as it sounds like you feel stifled or hemmed in.

 

[PineappleMama]

Well, as to your friend... it's just possible that they're having the same feelings as you... and that you calling was a rope thrown into their cave that they just grasped onto... NOT making excuses, it was VERY rude... but considering how many "Just like ME" responses on this topic already I reckon it's possible. Also possible that your friend doesn't realize that you're at the end of your tether, any more than you might realize they are, so didn't think to ask "How are you?" even though basic manners dictate it. Seems that's especially true when you haven't talked in a while so there's lots to catch up on...

I know me myself, I've had times when I'm on the phone and then BLAMMO, crash, ding dong... SOMETHING happens and I have to get off Right Then... which I usually apologize for next time we talk "Sorry 'bout that but the dog just knocked over the lamp shattering the bulb and the kids and dogs all were in the room full of glass" or "Sorry MIL just showed up out of the blue and rang the bell"... that sort of thing I KNOW has happened to me so I try to understand when someone else signs of quick... more often than not I worry about what catastrophe struck... just the doorbell, or something worse. But I'm a fretter by nature.

Bah, enough of that.

IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO MY LIFE??????

That line immediately summoned up the song "Is there life out there?" older Reba song, donno if you've heard it... donno if it fits you totally or not, only you'd know that but it came to mind.

Like others have said... if you want to change things you can... might take a while but you could save the funds to travel... near or far... you could do school... or work... or volunteer... you've already tried the hobby thing so I won't go there. If you're truly unsatisfied with your lot then try something else... fact that you've tried hobbies means you're open to it... just a question of finding your niche/quest... that might take some brainstorming, but if you'd like ideas I'm sure this group could help you come up with some. Lord knows MY thought process is often stormy enough.

 

[turney31]

Quote:
Duh.... wine!

 

[Up-the-Creek]

I thank all of you for being so kind and not judgemental. It seems like I have a judge and jury on my tail all the time. All of your ideas and advice are very good ones and well appreciated. As I said before there is much more stirring the pot, but too much to get into. I think I need to reaccess things in my life and know that it will take time for any kind of change. I am a very impatient person by nature, so it is hard for me to whoa my horses. Financially DH and I have discussed to reign in our finances so we will have more money to do things,...hopefully travel. I think a change once in awhile would do us both good, also the kids. As far as the friend is concerned, or aquaintence, well friends are very hard for me to make. I am naturally introverted, very shy person. Also, most people don't know how to take me apparently. I am not the fun loving, giggly type. So friends is hard to come by. My DH is my bestfriend and always has been,..so you know,...In time it will get better,....I hope,...

 

[welsummerchicks]

All doctors are not quacks, all medications are not rubbish, and you sound depressed. Seriously.

If this is going on and on and you keep feeling bad all days for weeks or months, do talk to a doctor.

It is kind of natural at your age, to ask 'is that all there is' and to feel restless. At your age I had itchy feet and was traveling around the world's third world countries, spending about 10 bucks a month.

It's also kind of natural to feel in a rut and want to break out. It's just that many of the words you describe your situation with, sound like a lot more than in a rut or restless.

If it is a restlessness born out of being in a rut, then you already know what you need to do.

Plan a vacation to a place you've never been before, and resolve to go some place each year and get away from everything, even if just for a little while, even if it's not far, far away. Vacations do not need to be expensive.

Resolve to spend a certain amount of time a day, not on the internet. Cutting down internet time often makes people feel less isolated, less insular, more active and more in charge of their own destiny. Sitting and chatting with people who agree with you(that's what most internet sites are about, after all), on the internet is pleasant, but doesn't stretch you or challenge you with new ideas or get you to think from a new perspective. Look at threads here. There is a 'everybody says so' position on each thread and every other opinion gets picked apart and shot down. That's easy and comfortable, but in fact it's a little TOO comfortable - and it isn't healthy and doesn't promote mental growth.

Take a class in an art, sport or area of knowledge you've never considered.

Start doing a sport with friends your age.

Make a complete change to your and your family's diet. If you eat a lot of meat, go vedge. If you are snacking on junk food, switch to vegetables and fruits. Drop the fast food places and focus on home made and home grown. Chuck out the soft drinks.

Plant fruit trees, nut trees, grape vines, or start a garden. If you have all that, start a new related project, like a worm farm or a compost bin or rain barrels.

Join a local club, and go to meetings. Volunteer to help the club. Consider a book club, writing group, or a history re-enactment club.

Resolve to read one book each week about something you know nothing about or a book that takes a position you totally don't agree with, and to talk to someone about it.

Pick a subject, and spend a few months or a year learning everything there is to know about it, on both sides, pro and con.

Enroll in a class on a subject you know nothing about and have never studied.

Get involved in a church group.

Get a feeling you are in a bigger world by joining a charity or contributing time as a volunteer.

Work at Habitat for Humanity, at one of their stores or on a home site.

Walk. Every single morning. Around your neighborhood, or at a nearby park, no matter what the weather. Doing so with friends is even better.

Join a gym and work out every day.

Volunteer to help a local politician get elected.

Volunteer at the local court house to meet families of juveniles or juveniles, and show them where to go in the court house and what papers to fill out.

Volunteer at the local hospital as a 'pinstriper', or at the local nursing home, through your county, as a 'friendly visitor'.

 

[PineappleMama]

^I hear ya. It's very easy for me to offend... well, outside my nutty family anyways. They're just as 'bad' as I am I guess.

Sounds like you and DH are working on things... just a matter of time, which like you I am NOT good at.

Maybe (free/cheap) projects could keep your mind off of it? One of those watched pot never boils things?
Maybe if you're distracted things will bumble along a little faster?

Just curious (may inspire me) but what hobbies have you tried? And what did you like/dislike about them?

 

[welsummerchicks]

I really avoided one issue - the person that needs a whole life change, not just a new hobby or something to stay busy.

A lot of people are staring at 40 in a job they hate and don't feel fulfilled or contented. They might feel like what they do doesn't mean anything. The only really helpful thing to do is to pull your socks up, get training for the job you really want, and try something new.

And a lot of people....really...are unhappy in their marriage. As kids get older, one feels less needed and old problems may resurface. A marriage counselor or a long quiet talk might help mend fences...or, for others it just may be that they need to start planning for a new life.

I like to think every restless, sad, empty feeling can be fixed with something easy like a new hobby or something to stay busy...and that's the first thing that comes to mind...but I realize, it's not the answer for everyone. Is it the answer for you? I think everyone really knows in their heart what their answer is, the trouble is just actually doing it.

 

[StupidBird]

Quote:
You nailed it! unfortunately I haven't the guts yet . . . queen of procrastination . . .

 

[Up-the-Creek]

Quote:
Hobbies,..well I read a lot, I also do genealogy (love it), I took up shooting bow (I like hunting), I have chickens and ducks,dogs and cats (way too many critters),.my DH and I both are into old cars we have a 69 chevelle(like it),...oh and the farming thing, now I didn't like that. I still have my chickens and ducks but they are listed in the local paper for sale. Not all of them, just some. I hated gardening too, I do not have the patience for that. Cooking,making bread, canning,...its all okay, but I just ain't Susie Homemaker. That all came about trying to be "self-sufficent". Not my cup of tea. I tried sewing, hated it too.

 

[welsummerchicks]

Well you have a lot of support here.

I'm not sure it really is just procrastination. Change is hard and scary. Even if a shoe pinches, at least you know where it pinches. It's scary to change, but you have a lot of people who care about you and will support you every inch of the way.

I'm making a huge change in my life, and I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to it, long after I decided I wanted to do it! So no judgement from this side of the river.