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Mom went to the ER again today

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Carolina3, Jan 17, 2013.

  1. Carolina3

    Carolina3 Hatching

    Jan 17, 2013
    I had an important meeting today. I got a call from my mother as I was on my way "I know you're too busy to help, but I just wanted to let you know I called your aunt and she is taking me to the emergency room"...


    Mom has been to the ER with increasing frequency at least once every 6 weeks for 2 years now. Almost every single time is anxiety related. Well all but once, that was a kidney stone.

    She refuses to take the antidepressants and antianxiety meds she was prescribed when my dad passed away 3 years ago. It was suggested she was lonely and I moved closer, family takes her out at least every other day for 4-6 hours, and she has two neighbors who visit for at least an hour each, every single day. She refuses to drive, and I take her shopping twice a week. She has more visitors and church activities than anyone in our family. You cannot claim she wants to do this just because she's lonely and needs attention.

    I love her but I am getting where I don't even want to be around her. She starts every singel visit with a list of the meds she's taken in the hours since I last saw her complete with times and doses, and then a list of "symptoms" she's had in that time and do I think the meds may have caused them (I always say I don't know, she might want to talk to her pharmacist). The preoccupation with illness in a 68 year old woman I have personally sat in at least 18 doctor visits in the last six months with her doctor's telling her she's healthier than most 45 year olds is driving me absolutely batty. I don't want to be around her now.

    The pattern is now that she goes to the doctor with a pain somewhere, chest, leg, stomach, and he can't find a reason. He sends her to the ER for an xray, CT, EKG, or something, we stay there in that awful cold place with her hooked up to IVs for 5-7 hours and she gets a pain med and a sleeping pill (which she will accept though she will NOT take anything else with any compliance for more than 3 days) and we go home and she talks about that trip for a week.

    The last time she called me at 2am to take her to the ER I called an ambulance and let them get there first. I only live a block and a half away, but the complaints were no worse than any other time and she knew I have to be up at 6am to take my children to school. I am just tired of being the taxi to the drugs. And I hate myself for even thinking that, but this is crazy. The doctor has told her it's all anxiety. She is just flat wearing us all out being stubborn as an ox. So, this time, she called my aunt and lets me know of her disapproval in not being the drug taxi by saying "I know you're too busy to help..."

    How is it like this? I really have set firm boundaries. I told her I wouldn't spend 10 hours a week at WalMart picking up her meds months ago, that she'd have to use a drive through pharmacy like everyone else because I already spend 6 hours a week shopping with her as it is.

    I dread seeing my own mother now, and the bad thing is, it's leaked into my voice and my 16yo daughter said "why do you sound like grandma is a burden to you?" this morning. I felt horrible. Because I know that's exactly how I feel, and I love her. It's wrong.

  2. Trefoil

    Trefoil Songster

    Dec 7, 2011
    Maybe its time for her to see a grief counselor and You sound like you need a break. As she ages, one of these times it really is going to be something and the way things sound like they're going, she could well be the victim of crying wolf one too many times. From experience, you are going to feel guilty when she dies, I think its a natural reaction to something that you (anyone) can't control but try to convince her to get help for both your sakes. I wish you all good things.
    1 person likes this.
  3. Daddas1Punkin

    Daddas1Punkin Songster

    Feb 9, 2012
    Totally agree! [​IMG] good luck!

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