My daughter can't drive, HELP

[SourRoses]

Some time ago, I came to a conclusion, though it may well be wrong.

Sometimes the issue with driving is one purely of confidence.

I was actually a very good driver from a young age... but then I always had reasons to be encouraged.

The worst drivers I have been in cars with have been those who just over think everything.

But it's not fair to say that your daughter is too "smart" to drive.... because if she is that smart, she can get her problem figured out and fixed with some assistance.

I was getting my pilots license at 17. I did not even have a driving learners permit when I was taxi-ing my plane solo before take-off

(though of course I had my FAA certificate). Though my parents were super lenient ones, I had been allowed to drive before I was a teenager and always drove myself to my flying lessons

I found that the confidence, perceptual skills, judgement, and a little bit the need for speed (hehe) all carried over into my driving.

I think the point of my telling you this is that I was WAY scared of flying when I started my lessons.... and I still definitely fall into the category of the smart but unaware, forgetful, and clumsy girl... now imagine how I was at 17!

I could not have done it if my instructor hadn't been such a great match for me. Patient, calm, tolerant, not apt to give praise (which makes me nervous of failing) or bark at me if I messed up either.

People who ride passenger while I drive still tell me that it looks like I'm performing some kind of pre-flight before I leave the driveway

Seat position, check. Seatbelt, check. Mirrors, check. Lights, check. AC, check. Radio, check.

Your daughter is probably a perfectionist like me, no? Perfectionists NEED to know what they are going to be doing, step-by-step by step. In proper sequential order and in a manner that they understand the reason WHY it should be done that way. If we feel like we are doing something, anything, incorrectly.. *wrong*.. we will be all over the place in the way we do it.

I know that if my situation had been one with a parent looking over my shoulder while I drove, my personality would have led me to be a nervous nelly behind the wheel. I'm now nearly 24, and a very confident, relaxed driver. I have as yet had no accidents or tickets

There is a high possibility in light if this that your daughter will mature to be a good driver. But just like you were already thinking, you need to help her out to get there.
I would say, for immediate safety... you might want to place limits on the solo driving for now. Put it to her in a manner that lets her know her intructor failed to teach her properly. This is not her failure, remember that. If at all possible... I would avoid it being one of her parents that accompanies her when you do let her drive.. as that may only compound issues regarding her nerves.

What I would do... absolutely... is look around for another type of driving instructor. Look for someone who is calm and confident and patient themselves, and avoid anyone who would have a tendency to bark at their students. Maybe there are some places somewhere around that focus more on adults or people from other countries or those with driving issues?
If there is a place that does classroom work, that would be a boon. Going back to the foundation and expanding on the whys and exact hows would probably really help her

 

[deerman]

Quote:
well at 17 with a daughter having a learner permit let her daughter drive..........just kidding had to do that.

Now really like so many said get her more driver training.......lot of teens kill every year in car wreaks....all three of my sons wreak their first cars.

 

[BorderKelpie]

Strange question, but maybe have her vision checked by a real eye doctor (not the little tests the DMV uses) maybe there is a problem with her vision making it hard to see or judge distances. Just a thought.
Best wishes!

 

[Mattemma]

More lessons and drive her around.Really no need for a 17yo to drive.I managed a FT job without a job until 21 when I was ready to drive.If my kids were a risk to others I would feel better putting off the solo driving.

 

[mom'sfolly]

I think she should not be allowed to drive alone. She needs more experience with an experienced driver. Yes, it will be a pain in the butt, but it may keep her and everyone else safe. It will not be the end of the world if you let her graduate from high school and go to college without a car, and without driving. Many colleges have parking rules that make having a car a nightmare, others don't even allow them. There are ways to get around without four wheels. She may not be ready to drive now, but she might be later. Just give it time, let her drive when you are not rushed, and let her drive when the family goes somewhere.

With two accidents, she shouldn't be allowed alone in the car.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

As already sugested, get her a thorough vision test, including depth perception and peripheral vision by an opthomologist (an MD with a specialty in vision care).

Also, find a driving course that includes lots of simulator time with quality simulators. Once she can safely navigate the simulators without recurring problems, time with an instructor that will give her individualized attention. Lots of time practicing driving with a competant driver sitting in the front passenger seat. No solo driving.

Also, you need to have a conversation with her about her driving--not to lay blame, but to try to figure out WHY she is driving so poorly. Is she distracted and thinking about other things? Is she fully focusing on her car and the other cars around her? Does she plan out her moves (such as lane changing, stopping for a light or sign, speeding up/slowing down) or simply do them? Does she know things like how long ahead she should signal, how far behind other cars she should travel to be safe, how to judge that distance, etc.?

 

[pbjmaker]

I would no longer let her drive. Just think of the emotional damage it would do if she were in a serious wreck? On top of that the financial liability for you? Driving is PRIVILEGE not a given right and it doesn't sound like she is quite ready for it. My Son will be 20 in May, just got his license last year and still doesn't own a car. He is not ready for it. He doesn't live at home and has learned a lot about getting around the city on his own.

Granted it would be harder if we lived out in the country. But how did she get around before she was old enough to drive?

 

[mulewagon]

I didn't get my license until I was 27, by choice. I knew I wouldn't be a safe driver. It did limit my jobs and so on, but I'm still alive, so it worked out. I walked, bicycled, and rode the bus. Carried a pistol as I was often walking home at night.

Tell your daughter I said it just isn't a big deal. She doesn't need to drive. It's a convenience, but she can wait until she's safe. Young people didn't have cars until recently - they just had to plan ahead and coordinate with other people.

 

[cassie]

Her brain will mature as she gets older. This may or may not mean she will be able to drive. Some people just can't. She may be one of them. It happens. As it is, if she drives, she will kill or injure herself or someone else. How would you feel about that? There are worse things than not being able to drive. Like being a parapalegic as a result of an auto accident, for one. It is time to explore alternatives. She may have to live in a place with good public transportation.

 

[aubreynoramarie]

Quote:
exactly what i was going to say.