My Father's Wishes...

[PineBurrowPeeps]

Well yes, he has said where he wants them spread in the will but I left it out because I'm not sure it's legal and I didn't want to get into that here.

I know that a formal wake or service would cost money. I am not worried about that in the least.
My husband and I lost a son and we had a formal memorial service at a funeral home and it really wasn't that expensive, about $360 TOTAL for his service, urn, and cremation. I realize it would be more expensive for a grown man to be cremated than a baby but still, I'm not worried about the cost and he shouldn't be either.

I appreciate the thoughts of you guys. My husband doesn't really know what to think about it but it really bothered me and I had a rough time sleeping last night thinking about it.

 

[Chicken Rustler]

I also agree that YOU will need some type of closure. However that doesn't mean it has to be a funeral type, or at a church , or even include a Minister. I recently attended a "gathering" for a very dear friend. This was held at a local Elks lodge. There was no service etc. There were pistures of Sarah over the years nad memorial cards. To get things started a man who had gone to school with Sarah told of a few events when they were growing up and then it was "open mike" for anyone else who wanted to say anything then they had lots of food (all provided by friends) and fellowship ( for lack of better term). This was the first like this for me and I thought it was vey nice.
I do think you need to talk to dad and communicate your feelings. He may not have given any thought about how this will effect you and is simply trying to do what he thinks is best to protect you from the doom and gloom and spare you the expense.

In parting I would just like to say spend every minute you can and don't let anybody or thing come between you and your dad at this time.
Best wishes

 

[Cetawin]

As the saying goes...this ain't your funeral sister. Apparently your father and I think alike..his wishes sound identical to mind. If my kids do not carry out my wishes I will haunt both of them...I swear it. I do not want a bunch of folks crying and mourning...I want them to be happy. I hope to have a long great life and when it up...be happy for me because I am going on and I will see all those who I have loved and miss terrible...my parents, grandfathers, & grandmothers.

Your father's wishes should be the only thing you concern yourself with. Maybe at a later date, have a "party" or gathering to celebrate his life.

 

[Judy]

You certainly need to talk to your father. You need to understand the reason for no services, if only to learn whether he would be offended if you had some sort of private gathering in his memory, or built a garden in your yard in his memory, put a few of the ashes there, or whatever appeals to you. Most likely his wishes can be accommodated as well as yours, if you will simply communicate with him while you still can.

If not, then you must do as he chooses. Otherwise, you will always feel haunted and guilty about not honoring him by honoring his choices.

This is not about how you feel, it is about understanding how he feels.

JMO.

 

[PineBurrowPeeps]

Well I just had a long chat with my Dad. I just had to talk to him. Plus I wanted to ask him a couple of other things like whether when the time comes he wanted last rights said by a priest, etc.

He's not dying anytime soon, but his mother recently passed away and so he feels like he needs to have these things in place which is fine with me.


He told me that he didn't want me to feel obligated to do anything for him and that he is fine with anything I want as long as his final wishes are kept (cremation and scattering). I feel much better now that I talked to him.
He said that anything I need to help the process when the time comes is fine with him.

I love my Daddy

It's so hard to think of him of as being gone one day

But I am thankful that these things are thought of beforehand so I am not shocked with what to do when it happens.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Oh sweetie, I am so glad you talked about it to your Daddy.

I suspected it would go something like that. People that make all of the plans and try to make the process as simple as possible for their loved ones are the ones who are thinking about YOU. To me he has shown you the best and deepest love - to help you do well after he is gone!! What a wonderful blessing to know that BEFORE he is gone!

 

[Judy]

Quote:
Wonderful! Perfect ending.

Amazing what open communication does for our worries....

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Clearly he said nothing about a party to celebrate his life. Have a party!!! That is what I want when I die - have a party and remember me.

 

[beak]

Remember last rites are for people that are still alive and in the process of dying. My Father died unexpectedly and their Priest came to the hospital to console my Mother. She asked him to do last rites and the Priest told her he couldn't because my Fathers soul had already passed. She was very upset. Too much Hollywood. I was upset at him because I felt he could have done it anyway just to appease a severely grieving woman.

 

[gabrielle1976]

Meaning no disrepect but , how come its so hard for people to follow thre loved ones wishes. You love them and you know what they really want but becuase YOU dont feel like doing it you have issues . ? That confuses me , When I love somone I try to respect there beleafs and feelings and needs. They are the ones that get to choose . If I have to face my own death its my buesness what I want done , weather it be rotting in the ground or creamated or whatever. Im soo sorry that he wishes upset you and make you feel bad. That must be really hard for you . But this isnt about you , its about what his last wishes in the world are. And they should be respected .