My husband is always meddling.......

[chicmom]

Here's why I get upset:

NOV 2009, Dave and I drive down to Columbus to the Ohio National poultry show. He decides he wants to pick out some chickens for himself. He picks out these two NHR hens, and I get a pair of Ameraucanas. He never takes care of them or helps out with feeding or cleaning or watering.

NOV 2010, Dave and I go to the Ohio National again. He picks out nine modern game bantams. NINE! My plan that year, was to close down the baby coop, and put everybody in the big hen house so that I only have to care for one coop for the winter. BUT NO! He has to have these little bantams. They lay eggs the size of a pigeon. I'm angry because I had to trudge out there in the snow and wind and I had twice the work....Feeding Watering.......Because he doesn't do any of it. Finally, he decides he's not caring for them anyway, so he tells me to go ahead and sell them. I sell them.

In the fall of 2011, I downsize and re-home half of my flock. Keep in mind, Dave isn't helping. I sell my Buckeye trio along with some other hens. He gets bent out of shape because he liked the Buckeye trio. I feel bad. I buy him a new trio at the 2012 Ohio National as a surprise.

So now it's going to be spring in a few months, and I decide to keep the Buckeye trio (which he never takes care of), and I'll put them in the small A-frame, but I want to go all bantam, so I want to sell out on the large fowl. I tell him this, and he says, "Whatever you want, it's your hobby" but he acts all sad and fussy......

So he offers to build me another coop, so I can keep the bantams I've just hatched a month ago. That is not what I want! I want less work! This is my hobby and he intereferes yet again! If he helped too, I would understand, but he DOESN"T.

I do have to give him credit, he built my covered run. Then he put electricity to my coops but he doesn't listen to my needs. I didn't want electricity to the small coop, because I can move it around. The heavy duty, outdoor extension cord is perfect for winter lighting! BUT NO! Now he has installed underground electric, so I can't move the coop. And a tree from our woods fell down and missed the coop by TWO INCHES last week! It's just not in a safe spot!

I feel guilty, so I let him do what he want's but it's just not fair!

 

[Kickin.Cowgirl]

I don't know what to say but that would drive me mental... I do *everything* with the animals we have but thats because they are all mine... My H doesn't even want animals... which I can't understand at all... I'm sorry though ... you could tell him you aren't going to look after them and see how long it takes for him to do it...but if he doesn't do anything...secretly feed em ...

 

[TinyChickenLady]

I think you need to calmly explain to him just how difficult he's making things for you. Don't actually blame him just say something like "You may not realize it but the coop is in a dangerous spot. I'd rather not run permanent electricity to it until I've decided on a good spot to put it."
Or "Honey, if you're going to buy those chickens, you need to help take care of them or they'll end up at freezer camp because I can't do it all on my own."

He may not realize how much of a pain in the butt he is.

 

[Oregon Blues]

Husbands are really good at finding more work for their wife to do. I think that is what they do the best. Half your fault, though. You don't stand up for yourself. He wouldn't be walking all over you if you didn't allow it.

Stand in front of the mmrror when no one is home and practice saying "No".

I suspect that he feels he is being supportive and participating in your hobby so you can do things together.

 

[citychickx6]

I feel so very lucky right now.
My DH has meddled BUT he also helps me a lot with the chickies.

I am so sorry that you are struggling to get him to understand where you are at with it all.

All I can suggest is having a heart to heart talk with him. I am not sure you can do it without having hurt feelings on both sides.
Perhaps gently asking him to do some of the tending?

 

[MaryMouse]

I feel for yah. My hubby is the same way, but its not limited to chickens. Its cats, dogs, goats, horses. He does help some, but DD and I do 98% of the work. This is exactly why I cant understand him not wanting me to get some mini cattle. He wont do any of the work so what the heck?

 

[chicmom]

Blues, I do hear ya. I am afraid I will appear selfish. If I say, "Look, this is my hobby, and you don't take care of them! Just let me handle things!" Won't that be rude?

 

[chicmom]

Quote:
See, that's the thing....He will help me when I need something built. But then he's done. So I also do 98% of the work. And when he's building it, he won't let me chime in about how I want things to turn out! It's SOOOOOO discouraging. If I tell Dave, to just let me handle the chickens, then he will REFUSE to help me with anything. That's how he is. I'll lose that little 2% that I do get from him. And sometimes I need it.

 

[chicmom]

Quote:
Maybe I need to do that.....I just don't know if I can get him to listen.......he just over powers me, or sort of manipulates things so it's his way.....

 

[featherfinder]

Cant you guys come to a comprimise?

Tell him if he wants to get these chickens then he needs to start agreeing to help you take care of them. When you want something built the go out and try to help or establish a plan with him before he even starts anything. Tell him in all honesty he is causing you more work and stress and you would like for this to be a good thing for you both. Maybe agree to get him 2-3 chickens of his choice if he will agree to listen to you on how to build a coop. If he doesnt do what was agreed apon then go out there and fix it and stop him before it is to late. You dont have to be harsh on him. Just need to get your point threw and find something that works for you both.