my husband left me

[chickened]

Sounds like YOU still love him. Forgiveness is always a good place to start.

 

[sheila3935]

Of course she still loves him, they were together for 5 years. You cant turn your feelings off that fast. Yes forgive him, holding that only hurts you. But dont take him back he will do it again. Its the very rare person that can cheat and never do it again. And from your conversation he will cheat again cause he didnt accept responsibility for his actions. The other woman is at fault too, but it isnt just her fault. If he was truly a man he would have told her I am very flattered but I am married and I love my wife, which he didnt. I agree with other posters go to the Dr. There are too many diseases out there and he doesnt know who she has been with so ubless you havent been intimate for a long while get checked. He will be back when he realizes what he lost. Its up to you if you want to try again or not we can only tell you what has happened to us. I agree keep your animals they are the only ones who will love you inconditionally. Be very glad there were no children involved. Talk to God it helps. Ask for his direction. We are all praying for your comfort and healing in this. Remenber it will get better and you will be stronger for this. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this it hurts and even though we all dont know you face to face we hurt with you.

 

[CluckyJay]

I am so sorry.

 

[FrenchToast]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

I don't disagree with you French. Of course you are right that it takes two to tango. Women complain all the time about how men cheat so much and say women don't cheat as much. Well, duh, unless all those men are on the down low they're cheating with some one!

BUT and it is a big issue - I will never understand women who attack the other woman first instead of holding the man accountable for his actions. I have seen more cases than I care to in which the "other" woman had no clue she was the other woman!






Many, many years ago when I was young and naive this guy really pursued me, flowers cards the whole nine yards. I finally agreed to go to dinner with him. As dinner was being served and I was starting to relax thinking maybe he was OK he said, "So you're gonna have to call my pager to get me to call back 'cause I can't let the wife know about you."

I called the waiter over and asked him to box up my food. I said I am leaving - thank god I had met him there - but the least he owed me was the dinner he had promised me. I told the waiter throw in some dessert too its on him. They did! He blustered and fussed and I asked him how big of a scene he wanted because I was wiling to take it all the way! He shut up. I got my food and left.

OMG !! Good for you !!!! That's happened to me as well. Found out in the nick of time !!! I agree 100% that the guys or gals that are married are at fault. And you are right the first to blame is the other person- mistress- or whatever you call a married womans fling. I think it is part of the dealing with it process. In time they come to realize it took two. But in the case of an office fling I would think the other woman knew he was married but who knows the circumstances. They are all different but the same. The sad part in all of this (meaning not just this case) is that the person cheating and the mistress are very nice people ! People that you would never think in a million years would do such a thing. I have a family member that was one of them. I used to say if he cheated with anyone it would be a mermaid because he always seemed married to his fishing pole !!

Turns out he not only had one but several before his wife found out !! And it was about a year after their first and only child was born !!

It not only hurt her but of course her child and the whole family. He has since remarried but to tell you the truth the first wife will always be part of the family no matter how many times he gets married !!

It is very very sad. It is always the wife or husband at home that thinks they did something wrong but most likely it is a character flaw in the cheaters that makes them vulnerable.

Anyway I haven't read any posts after yours so just in case I don't mean to step on anyones toes. Just thoughts going thru my head plus reliving pass experiences. So to the original poster, my thoughts are with you. Hope you are hanging in there and you are not alone. I'm sure you already know that. And of course nothing anyone can say will make it better. Just time.

 

[FrenchToast]

Quote:
Ditto

 

[misterhandsome]

Thank you again everybody for all your thoughtful words.

The doc is a good suggestion. I'll be going this week. Fortunately we have publically funded healthcare and there will be no bill. I probably won't be able to take my name off the boat and SUV loans unless he finds another co-borrower. His income isn't enough for all of that after his child support and rent are accounted for. He'll have to figure something out. I, however, can probably take on the mortgage and still live pretty well. No worries about financial security for me.

As for hating her, I don't really care about her. She's not worth the energy. It takes two to tango, and he should have stayed true to his vows. I really don't think there was anything physical between them while he was living here unless he was taking days off work, but hey...what do I know?

I do still love him. Very much. I'm sad about this more than I'm angry, although anger has certainly come into the picture. I would consider taking him back if he agreed to go to counselling to address his ability to communicate his emotions and to handle stress. That said, I cannot function as if he might come back. I must accept the fact that he's gone, our life is over, and move forward. And I am. I have made a choice to be happy although there are rough patches and tears every day, but never all day.

He's left me holding a very large bag of responsibilities but I'm strong and can handle it. Fortunately I have awesome friends and family at my fingertips, including you guys! All the jobs he left half done will be completed and I will wait for a much cooler head to make any decisions about the house and chickens. I will learn to use the ride on mower and snow blower and to close the pool. I can already do minor plumbing and repair jobs because I had a fixer upper condo before.

Again, thank you. I appreciate all your support and differing perspectives. I'm hoping to see a lawyer this week and will let you know what he thinks. Two years of marriage is small in the grand scheme of things. I'll recover emotionally and financially. Can't see every marrying again though. Or buying property with anybody.

 

[sonew123]

Quote:
STAY STRONG-your doing great! You can and will do all those things you need to do! You will learn to really love them too. The more you do for yourself the stronger you get . I'm glad to hear your doing so well.

 

[ladyride]

Many here are concerned for you, there is alot of support here as well.

Sounds like you are gaining strength with each day of steps.

An old cliche time will ease your pain but it is so very true.

You will love him for some time to come that is just the nature of things. You can't just turn those feelings off like a light bulb. Forgiveness will also heal your heart, doesn't mean you have to go back to him just let's you go forward with what you need to do. It is also good to hear you have no feelings where "trollop" is concerned. That puts your healing way ahead .

The responsiabilites I have no doubt you can handle , with the accomplishment of each will make you all the stronger, confident, & yes I AM WOMAN.

You will come out on top of all of it.
We will be here when you want to vent.

 

[FrenchToast]

Quote:
Glad to hear from you. Whatever you decide is the right decision for you ! Anger, sadness, joy (that it's over) are all normal feelings and will come and go. It will be a roller coaster ride for a while. One day all of a sudden there willl be a light at the end of the tunnel !
For the time being, as far as the house goes, don't make to many improvements in the event you need to get it reassessed (wow, that spelling doesn't look right !! lol)
Once this whole thing becomes a reality for both of you it may look like you can devide things peacefully but if he can't make payments he may things may start to get a bit touchy. Although it also depends on how much equity you have in the home. If not much it would be worthless for him to pay a lawyer to fight the house.

Glad to hear you have a good support group here and there !!! We're all here for you and YES do get yourself a horse or two. Even some mini's or mini donkeys are wonderful. Donkeys have big ears to listen with !!! I have three standards and they are so dang cute. !!

Keep us posted, we do care. And make time just for you !!!

 

[swift4me]

I don't usually reply to this type of thread, but I have to say after reading your posts... you sound like a very solid person.

I wish you the best, and definitely, send him on his way with his new friend. Your life will only get better after the day he told you, and his will probably not.

All the best,

Pete