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Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by donrae, Nov 9, 2014.
Prayers are already heading up.
x3 . . . .and always have been. When any major stressor strikes, the dance becomes different. It can be very hard to keep in step with your partner, when you are just trying to stay on your feet yourself.
X4 It's a guy thing - we are supposed to 'fix and protect'. What you have been dealing with is beyond his control.
Make him talk to you.
Communication is the key to fixing most problems.
My husband has this 'look' that has annoyed me for years. To me the look says, 'You are impossible' And it irritates me because I am the most 'possible' person he has ever known. The other day I said, 'Don't give me that look, I do not deserve that look." He asked me what I thought the look was so I told him . His reply was, " I guess it is just my face, because what I was thinking is how you deserve so much more and how badly I have let you down."
That was a real 180 from what I thought he was thinking. and a 180 from what I had been thinking about him.
What I was thinking when he gave me the 'look' was how clever he was, how he can fix anything, how impressed I was with ability to keep my old jeep running when other people just go and get another car... so I didn't think I deserved the "impossible' look. and he did not deserve to think he was a loser.
It was all crossed and going the wrong way.
It was a 30 second war that did not get to escalate.
because we talked.
Ditto, that... all of that. Trials can wound a marriage. It doesn't matter what kind of trial: it could be health, emotional, economic, even a contrary teenager. (And I've been there, done that to extreme measure on all counts.) And then there are the times when everything is going along so well, that we take our marriage and our partner for granted. Conversation is key. There have been lots of times when I've had to have the conversation... "Something is not working well with us"... Often, I don't have a clue what the issue is. Other times, I do... but the start is the conversation. He may not even be aware of the feelings that he's having, or how it's affecting you. So, you've got to tell him what you're seeing, and how you're interpreting it. I will pray for you and your husband. I will pray that God will touch both of you, meet you where you are at in your relationship, and help you both to communicate well, meet each others needs, and get back to that unified common ground.
Thank you all
Posting about this on a public forum is tricky . I'll just say he made friends with one of his fellow nursing students while I was gone and I'm not thrilled with the relationship. He's had female friends before and I've been fine with it, and I don't at all believe there's anything sexual going on. I told him it would almost be easier for me if there were, then I'd have a leg to stand on. It's just that he enjoys her company so much, more than mine I feel. How do you tell your spouse they can't be friends with a specific person? I did try to tell him how I felt, and asked how he'd feel if the situation were reversed and I was spending so much time with a single man. He agreed he wouldn't like it much......then he took her (and her son) fishing all day cause I just wasn't up to going and he doesn't like to go alone. I'm just not sure what to do with that. I simply can't be out all day, or climb up and down hills to the river. Not that I expect him to sit around the house with me all day....it gets confusing. He's also done a lot of work around her place, it's supposed to be a labor trade but she hasn't been here near as much as he's been there. He's a very social person and doesn't do well alone. I know it was very hard on him while I was gone, and honestly I almost could have forgiven him an affair. Again, I get no sexual vibe at all, just that he likes being around her so stinkin' much.
Jealousy is a really bad look on me and I so want to get rid of it.
Ah geez Rachel, it's too early in the morning for me to have any words of wisdom so for now, you get this and this
He does not realize that he is dating her. You do. Have your preacher talk to him. If you point this out he will be defensive and take her to home depot or something.
Guys are pretty clueless, but she should not be doing this.
Meanwhile, your kids are not idiots and they are probably feeling the ground crumble beneath their feet. Focus on them now, make sure they feel stability. This is a critical age for them and not a time for things to crumble.
Talk to them, so they know that they will be cared for no matter what. The teenage years are hard enough with out their dad regressing.
I had a rotten childhood, I know how they can be feeling right now.
It is pretty awful, they need to talk but don't think they should. I held my breath for 45 years. It's really hard. They need to know you are able to listen, and if you are not, then Find someone unbiased who will listen to them without judgment. Children are young -not stupid.
You will be fervently in my thoughts.