My Space?!

[HobbyChickener]

I am so ticked right now. It is a good thing that my daughter is staying with a fellow soccer player tonight. If she was here I would ground her for the rest of her life!!! As she is gone and won't be home until tomorrow I will cool off and only ground her until she is 18. I have given her a fairly free roam of the computer. She is just about allowed to be on it when she wants as long as it isn't after her bed time and home work is complete. She was just about to the point that I was going to give her the password to her instant messanger again after she got grounded from it (10 months ago - I was making a point). However one of the biggest things that I have told her over and over is that she WILL NOT have a my space account. I don't like how it works and it is no place for 13-14 yr old girls. Especially with some of the sick SOB's that are out in this world. WELL GUESS WHAT I FOUND TODAY?!?!?

She just happened to leave herself logged in to the computer when I got on to check the football scores and talk chicken. Not that realy mattered because I can back door into her acoount on the home computer whenever I want. So I checked the internet history / cookies to see what she had been looking at and discovered her new my space profile.

So here is the question. Now what? I am made enough at the moment that I am thinking of sending her mother to get her even if it is 11:00 at night here. I thought I was giving "enough room to grow" but apparently it was only enough room to hang herself.

I don't think it was to much to ask of her not to do it, yet she did it anyway. Do they even have a brain at this age? As far as I am concerned at this immediate point in time life is over as she knows it. THoughts? Suggestions? Opinions? Good place to buy restraining devices?

 

[Wildsky]

Is the computer in a "public" place in your home?

I'm not sure what to say - or what I would do about it, kids will want to do what their friend do.

I do know that Myspace will make her profile un-viewable by anyone other than her friends. So I couldn't for example view her page or her pictures etc.....

Good luck and its good you take some time to calm down, let her have her say on why etc... before you decide what to do.

Good luck!

 

[aprilholguin]

Hmm. What a delicate age. She's still pretty young for a total computer freedom but I have several students that age with a myspace account. Maybe you should ground her from the computer (and going to a friends house cause you know she'll get on it) for a while.. maybe 2-3 weeks and then at the end of that period, you two can explore myspace together. You can "share" the account.. she tells you the password, you act interested in Myspace.. because it's a HUGE growing virtual community of people. Maybe there are some good things about it. Heck, i wouldn't remember my friends birthdays if it didn't remind me a few days ahead. I can also put up posts asking people if they know of a good babysitter, if anybody wants fresh eggs, and things like that. it can be used for good and evil purposes just like anything. Maybe it can be a good learning tool for life! She has to learn moderation sometime, honesty.. she has to learn how to judge whether people should be let into her circle of trust (friends list) or not. Maybe you can let her have one but you have to have access to it for her protection but that you have looked it up and you could easily find out if she's deleting messages.. the computer saves everything.
My uncle is having the same problem with their 14 year old. But they have take everything from her and soon there will be nothing to take! They have to know that there is a point to this and I think it's good you will cool off... she won't get as defensive if you aren't yelling and if you keep it cool. Good luck!

 

[Freebie]

When my kids started getting interested in My Space, my husband got himself a my space page and checks the kids pages alot. He also has become friends with many of their friends and keeps track of everyone this way. It is surprising what the kids will reveal on their my space pages. And my husband does not hide the fact that he visits their friends pages. At first I thought it was weird, but we know alot more about their friends, than we ever would have before myspace. And, I am also pleasantly surprised, as this can be used as a tool for you to have more open communication with your kids about their friends. I think it is working out well for us and our kids. But it is monitored.
( Even my 19 year old sons, and his friends are monitored.)

 

[homecatmom]

My girls are 17 & 15. They have had myspace accts for over 2 years now. I fought with the oldest and made her give me her password. Occasionally I go in and look around, but to tell you the truth it's too dramatic for me...I already lived through high-school. They have been given a good background on life as they grew up. They know right from wrong, and they know about predators. My girls haven't even logged into their accts since 10/2(I just looked) so that is winding down here. I get the most information from mine when we go on a drive by ourselves. Hope it all works out.
Cathy

 

[BantyChickMom]

I set ground rules in my house for my 3 kids.
I tell them 'you don't have to like them or agree with them, but you do have to abide by them'.
I feel that as long as they are living in my house, they should abide by my rules.
If I come into your house and you have a "no smoking" or "no drinking" policy, then I should not smoke or drink in your house.
If I break your rules, I have to suffer the consequences!!

That's what my kids hear from me.

And no, teenagers DO NOT have a brain of their own.
I have finally (i hope) gotten my 15 year old out of her rebelliousness. It really makes you want to strangle them when they deliberately do what you told them they weren't going to do.
Everything went downhill when she turned 13.
It was always "my friends mama let them do it".

She was making long distance phone calls to boys after DH and I both told her it was unacceptable and we felt she wasn't old enough to talk to boys at this time.
She continued and punishment was basically 24/7.
We finally moved DH's mother in with us, in our daughter's room where she had no privacy whatsoever.
She always was fine as long as she had a guard over her, but if given half a chance, she returned to her old ways.
"The CHANGE" finally came this year when she was accused of a felony, charged with it and went to court.
Throught it all I stood by her because all the evidence proved she didn't do it.
Charges were finally dismissed!!!
As bad as this ordeal was, DD finally realized what we had always told her:

Your so-called friends don't care nothing about you, but we will always love you and be there for you!

I hope you can get yours on the straight and narrow without having to live thru a similar ordeal that my family had to endure.

BEST OF LUCK

 

[HobbyChickener]

Not sure it would tick me off (glad I can delete after I write what I think and not what should be child friendly words) if it weren't for the fact that about a year ago she went to a cheer leading compitition that one of her friends was in. That night she stayed with her friend, at as well as 4 or 5 other girls on the team, at one of the team mates house. She ran off the next day and forgot her camera. When she told us, a week later, we told her that she needed to call the friend and have her call the team mate and get it back asap. She comes home 2 days later and tells us it is being held for evidence and she can't get it right now. This girl's father had just been arrested as a internet (MySpace) petifile!! She knows it involved MySpace. She made the comment that she saw him looking at it on the computer that night she was there. He thought he was talking to a 13 year old girl (same age as his daughter) to get hooked up somewhere and it turned out to be a cop. She was pretty freaked by it for a while. Apparently now she doesn't seem to mind.

 

[mhoward92]

Yes, Myspace has a feature to were she or you could set her profile to "private" so that only her friends that she has accepted can even read details about her or look at pictures/videos. Even if you delete the account and block the website im shure she will still try to get on at a friends house or something similar to that. Myspace is one of the biggest profile sharing websites out there. in fact myspace is just as popular as yahoo/google now so as the saying goes "everyone is doing it!" is going to be the issue. im shure her friends and surrounding relationships are using it so she is just "fitting inn". (a normal teen)

 

[HobbyChickener]

The point is that I told her NO!! She complains that as a parent I don't trust her but yet she does things like this and argues that she isn't breaking trust. Where is this thinking coming from? She wants a cell phone. I tell her to prove to me she is responsible enough to have yet we refer back to messsage #1. I am going to end up grey in my 30's

 

[okiechick57]

Quote:
sometimes............well. then again....from my experience........and mine are all grown now....not totally grown up mind you.....but gone..........they don't even know where they are coming from......so needless to say......sometimes you just flat have to stop trying to figure them out and stick to your rules/lines and let them adjust!