Upon reading back thru some of the last few posts I made,
I realized that some of my words may seem a little harsh to some of you out there. And Bubba, I don't mean to be picking at you about the school thing, either.
I get very emotional when it comes to my kids, more now than I ever did, and I think it's time to explain why.
I have a 5, 13, and 15 yr. old, (girl, boy, girl)
I've always allowed my kids to have friends, go places with them, sleepovers @ home and away, and I've always tried to provide them with the latest fads/fashions, sort of 'keeping up with the Jones'.
I've only asked that they DO THEIR BEST when it comes to school.
They've never had an overload of chores to do -- just keep your room clean (clothes put up, trash up, etc.) and their bathroom clean. Oldest washes supper dishes (loads dishwasher) and son empties trash daily.
The oldest started 'rebelling' very early, about 10 i think;
talking back, lying about simple things, taking brother's games, cd players,etc, and borrowing other people's stuff and blaming brother. DH saw this as no big deal, just kid stuff.
Being a woman, I understand how it is on a young girl growing up and hearing the sexual comments from boys and the peer pressure thing as well.
BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I AM NOT PREJUDICED!!
She started having black friends, even had some over at sleepovers. NO PROBLEM. Then she started with talking to black boys and wanting the boyfriend thing.
I said NO WAY. DH and I both agree on this subject; you're too young to date anyway regardless of race, but we don't agree with this and it's not going to happen in our house.
This is one of our rules and you will abide by the rules as long as you live here.
Now comes MIDDLE SCHOOL:
Boy thing continues and gets worse. Buys hats with boys name on it she never met, writing letters telling how much she loved them, and when confronted about what was going on, would lie constantly.
We were completely shut out of her life. Anything I found out about come from her cousins or friends.
I explained that she could talk to me and tell me anything but understand if you did wrong there will be consequences.
Got her own phone line one Christmas. Within 2 months, we took it away because of boys calling all night. Might I add boys that she met on some chatline. Maybe I should say young men, they were 18! These males were from all over in different states, even had one in a VA jail calling collect.
I sat down and explained all the terrible things that could happen to her. You know nothing about these men except one of them is already in jail.
This goes on back and forth (taking everything from her until there was nothing else to take) until April this year.
We only let her go to my mom's and grandma's. (they both live at the same Senior Citizens/disabled apartment complex). She even met some black man there one time and we stopped letting her go there.
We didn't let her go anywhere with anyone except us.
No friends, no phone, no anthing!!
She did fine for a while so we let her start going back to my mom's, mainly to help her out since she's not in good health.
Last December she started talking to some 16 year old that lived about 3 hours away. She ran up over 500$ worth of phone bills between our business phone and my grandma's phone, to which she is still paying off today.
When confronted, she lied until I showed her both phone bill with the same #'s and told her I had even talked to this boy's daddy myself.
She continued to talk to this boy, using my cell phone and staying up half the night to use the house phone when everyone else was sleeping.
I felt like beating the H#*^ out of her but feared losing custody of my other two kids if I left bruises on her.
I finally filed an UNDISCIPLINED PETITION" with Juvenile Services (and was waiting for court date), and moved my MIL in to sleep in the same room with her, basically to have another set of eyes watching her at all times.
Through all of this nothing scared her in the least bit, she was leaving at 16, prison couldn't be worse than living here,
she hated me, she had a bruise on her arm from closet door and she's call Social Services and tell I did it; luckily MIL heard the last comment and took over the situation.
Found out she couldn't leave at 16 unless 'we' allowed her to and that just made her whole attitude worse.
I hated for my other kids to live this horrible life caused by a 14 year old child, so we finally checked into having her sent to a WILDERNESS CAMP!
I was at the end of my rope with no hope in sight.
I forgot to say She was using friend's cell phone and pay phone at school to keep calling this last boy.
I caught her and met with teachers, told them she was not allowed to use any phone at school other than calling home if sick.
I got a call on April 25 saying she had used another student's cell phone to call in a bomb threat to 911.
When I got to Sheriff Dept, heard 911 recording, IT WAS NOT MY DAUGHTER'S VOICE!!
Other student kept saying someone had her phone, but she didn't know who. Her own mother said it wasn't my child's voice, but did sound like her child.
I thought this is over, this other child lied, my child wasn't as stupid as I thought!
IT WAS NOT OVER, JUST THE BEGINNING!
1 week later, my daughter was picked up by sheriff, charged with making the bomb threat, sent to Juvenile Lockup, shackled and chained right in front of my 5 year old, suspended from school for 365 days!!
All this even though the recording proved it wasn't her voice.
The school board denied my appeal but did allow her to take exams -- she passed all of them and wasn't at school the whole last 6 week grading period (Talk about capabilities and sense)
This ordeal lasted thru the whole summer -- everyone kept telling me nothing could be done until the court date.
Keep in mind this was a felony charge!!
No authority figure would take 5 minutes to hear the recording and clear my daughter so she could get back in school.
Finally the 3rd week if August (after 3 court dates) the charges were dropped, the 365 day suspension was overturned and my daughter went back to school!!
I want to say the other student was charged with the exact same thing and suffered the same fate.
Now, my daughter's whole outlook on life has changed 100%.
Everything I, DH, MIL tried to get her to understand finally sunk in.
She said she was going to make straight A's in school and no one would ever have any trouble out of her again!!
We (Me and her) were always at each other's throats 24/7, and I know it was because I am the one who stayed on her butt, I am the one who checked up on her, I am the one who set limits, and I am the one who handed out punishments.
Now, we are closer than ever.
If I come across to harsh to anyone here on this subject, I am sorry and really don't intend to offend anyone.
But now you know why I am very oppiniated on this matter.
I had one that just absolutely refused to heed anything we said and would go the distance to deliberately disobey any and all of the rules set forth.
If anyone has a monster like mine was, I advise you to do whatever it takes to gain control over him/her and of the whole situation.
I hated for my daughter to have to go thru this, and I cried the whole 3 days she was locked up, couldn't even talk to her when we visited her because I knew I would break down and that was the last thing she needed to see, but looking back now, this TERRIBLE ORDEAL ended up being a
BLESSING IN DISGUISE!!
Thanks for listening to me spill my guts.