I am the exactly the same way! I know it is the smart thing to do, but just cant. I only have about 25 chickens and they are all a different breed. They have name tags on the door. How can you eat them after they jump in your lap and come running for treats?
I admit that initially it is very difficult to take a life. Eventually though after several years and having too many males and hens that have stopped laying eggs the task becomes necessary if you need to be practical. Certainly you can give them away or have someone else do the deed. But I look on it as being part of the circle of life. I will post no more on this subject !