Naughty kids

[EweSheep]

Psycologist is in the first priority.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Sounds like you have a plan going. It is very obvious through all your posts that you love your dd. I suspect that you and dh need to get on the same page. While style differences are okay, it sounds like it is more than just style, but a huge chasm of differences between what each of you see as allowable behavior and appropriate consequences. Sometimes you have to negotiate the issues and go with what is very important to one, but less so the other. It is not fair to the parents for one to always be the disciplinarian, and the other the "fun" parent; you need to back each other up, at least in front of the child. Consistencey is really important.

It sounds like the school is not dealing with the other child that is a bully, and your dd is folowing his example. And maybe was bullied by him, and since he was not given adequate consequences, she thinks that she will not have to pay them, either. Perhaps a change in classrooms, so that she is with different children and a teacher who has a more structured classroom, leaving little time or opportunity for bullying behavior?

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
Good structure provides known boundaries, allowing the child to operate freely within them, and teaches the child how to create their own bounds. Controlling every minute of a child's life is terrible structure--it stifles creativity and learning. Different kids have different needs. There is no "one size fits all" type of boundary, especially when it comes to timing. Some kids NEED to spend lots of time on a single thing, and transition very slowly to different activities. Others NEED to change focus far more frequently.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Quote:
I have to disagree with this statement (although it really depends on your definition of "bad"). I think there are some kids that come into this world with all sorts of problems that the parents have no control over or the ability to "fix". Even with perfectly "normal" kids, they come into this world with very different personalities and problems. This does not make the parents "bad and misinformed". It just makes them parents of difficult children. You clearly won the kid lottery and lucked out with easy to raise kids. This does not make you the uber parent. It just means you got a good genetic mix and healthy kids. The OP having a difficult child does not make her a "bad and misinformed" parent. It just means her path is going to be harder than your path and she is going to have to work at it more.

In my own family, my older brother came into this world with Asperger like issues. He would melt down at the least little change in his routine. My mother couldn't take him anywhere without screaming, hysterical tantrums. She felt like she was the worst mother in the world. All her other friends had these sweet, compliant children that they could dress up and haul around everywhere. Not her. Clearly she was a bad mother. Then I came along. I was the world's most mellow baby. My mother later confessed that they thought I was mentally slow until I went to school and got tested (I turned out to be quite bright!

) They could take me anywhere and everywhere with no problems. Did their parenting styles change? Nope. Did they change from being "bad and misinformed" parents to fabulous and great parents? Nope. They just had a kid with a different personality.

Now, while I do think that there are some people that shouldn't be parents, that is certainly not the case with the OP. I think she just got a harder kid. It is pretty arrogant to assume that just because your path was smooth that the person traveling a bumpy road is not doing it right.

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:
It is possible that he does alot of bullying. I can not prove it. There are no other classrooms, one classroom per grade level. It's a small school. She has a love and hate toward her teacher, more so with this teacher and loves her old teachers from previous grades. I know her teacher is strict and no nonsense type of person that believes that all kids should have structure and self control. We talked with her what has been going on the last three years.

She is enjoying her Christmas toys but battling with sleepiness right now because of the medication she is taking. It will take a while for it to see any improvements but I'd rather keep her on the lowest dose until we get her (and us) to a psychologist.

No, she really isn't a bad child, just not understood yet in why and how she is thinking.

 

[Slinkytoys]

I find it interesting in that she seems to be talking to her "other self". I hope you will keep us posted on her prognosis. Hang in there, being a parent is the hardest and most rewarding career in the world.
Slinky

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:
yes it is the MOST difficult but most rewarding thing a parent can have with their children. I would not trade my daughter for ANYONE, including my SIL whose son is austistic, wanted to trade my dd for her son. NOPE! NO WAY! I carried her for nine months and I'm not giving her up until it is my last breath before I die. When my hubby wants to trade dd, I told him, he will have a fight on his hands with me and the momma aint going to give up her child(ren) for anything!

I am not going to give up until I find the answer I am looking for and satisfied with it in whatever troubled her and us as a family. She is good tonight after frustration of not finding one of her Zhu hamster....missing somewhere but I assured her, it will pop up when you go looking for it or our cat plays with it, setting the motion to come out of hiding.