Need a hug, take a hug.

[Building Bridges]

Thank you! I totally get that. I also much prefer to be with my animals but I do like some interaction with people or like close friends or whatever but I can’t do too much and like parties/holidays and stuff having to dress up and stand around and socialize and stuff... I hate that and it’s extremely exhausting.

I also usually don’t talk much if at all when I first meet someone and it takes a while to really open up and start talking/show my actual personality if I ever do haha

I also not even be able to order my own food or do phone calls or small talk or anything like that but now I’ve gotten better at it and can. Not great and still tiring but I can do it. Except phone calls I still struggle with.

But you’re right, dogs make it easier! I could talk about my animals forever if someone would let me.

So I think it would be good for me to have my own so I would be forced to talk to people.

I totally get that....I HATE small talk!! YIKES

 

[ShrekDawg]

I totally get that....I HATE small talk!! YIKES

I’m so bad at it!

 

[BigBlueHen53]

Thank you!! It went really well!! She was really nice.

I blabbed about everything even stuff I had not originally planned on blabbing on right away.

Therapists are good at that!

 

[ShrekDawg]

Therapists are good at that!

They definitely are!! She asked a couple times if there was anything else I thought she needed to know the first session or anything else that was important to know, etc. and similar stuff like that and I’m so dang honest I couldn’t lie and say no. not that she would have known the difference but I would have. besides, it felt good telling someone about it anyway haha

 

[BigBlueHen53]

Stepping in a little late here...but is that a silly thing to say?

I read the first page and this last one.
So, looks like someone else is doing a good job towards self care. I am happy for you

I attempted a therapist maybe this time last year. My experiences as a youth with therapy were really awful so I put it off forever. After a few resurfacings of childhood trauma, I finally relented. Asked primary doc for some anxiety control meds. Those were a life changer! I stressed and agonized about medication for far too long, but these meds really changed my ability to cope and process in a healthy way. Therapist was great, I started with one after a few months on the meds. Then she left and I was unable to find the same connection with the replacement. Perhaps I'll give myself another rest and try again in a few months.
I ended up quitting my anxiety medication after a year. No regrets though and I don't feel I need it now. Might not be true for everyone, but i feel that it soothed something big inside me, shifting my energy towards a better light. I was unable to handle large volumes of people or sensory input, unable to socially interact, unable to drive longer distances or through cities, had frequent panic attacks over minute things, and some seriously crippling inner voices just to touch on it. Anxiety isn't just a nuisance, it can be as debilitating as severe depression.

I urge people to stop avoiding medications over the fear of the side effects like I did. If your life is controlled by fear, anxiety, depression, you need help. Better to suffer through a little sleepiness from meds than continue living with a heavy ball and chain of emotion and darkness. Took me over 20 years of suffering to find some relief and a path forward!




But what brings me here really, is the current situation with my oldest child.
My partner and I really believe he is childhood schizophrenic, or another such severe condition that he is too young to accurately diagnose.
Living with him, trying to raise him, has been living hell for his whole life. My partner, and my ex (father of my other children) are literally the only people who comprehend the severity of the situation, simply because they have had to live with and help raise him too. Most people scoff at my descriptions and tell me it's normal this or that and he'll grow out of it. Most of the time in public he's just a bit quirky, so no one sees what we deal with at home. The words and looks we get when he does have a public episode are something else to reckon with, especially when when I must excuse myself from events on account of his behavior.
He's been in and out of psychiatric care facilities since Kindergarten. On and off various meds. Seen many providers. He just came back from another month's worth of institutional care after again becoming so delusional and aggressive he was a danger to others and himself (may have even killed one of our animals during a disassociative state, we'll never know for certain.)
My other children suffer at his expense. I suffer. My relationship suffers. We turned towards a homesteading style life earlier than we planned to because I am unable to maintain employment or furthering education due to his condition and needs, so our finances suffer too.

I didn't have a nice childhood, not an easy teenhood. Didn't pull the long straw on a damn thing. I've got all my own trauma and baggage that's put on hold. But, here I am. This is my true challenge. This child is my life hardship. My test from the higher power.

Major hugs to you, @DellaMyDarling ! I have a grandson like this. He has been in state custody virtually all his life; all his siblings have grown up in foster care except two (there are six altogether), whom my DH and I are raising. This one of whom I speak has these rage issues like what you describe and has been hospitalized for them (psychiatric) many, many times. He has been deemed dangerous to others since he was about three years old and is mostly in a group home. A young teen now, he will likely be institutionalized all his life. He is highly medicated. I cannot imagine what life would be like with him in the home. My heart goes out to you. His younger brother, whom we do have, is ADHD and mildly autistic. He's medicated. I am in my mid-60's and exhausted, with health issues and bipolar, and I'm also medicated, thank God. If I forget to give him his pill .... well, let's just say I try not to forget, lol. We are warriors, aren't we? We have to be, just to survive. Here's your hug, my sister.

 

[BigBlueHen53]

I totally get that....I HATE small talk!! YIKES

I used to be....SO terribly bad at it. And painfully shy! But then I began to realize that everybody's favorite topic is ... themselves! And everybody has a story! So when I had to be in a social setting, my new strategy was, ask people about themselves, and then just listen. And then ask more questions. Are you from around here? Oh really? Have you lived here long? What brought you here? What kind of work do you do? People love to talk about themselves, and, more important, people are fascinating! Find out what they want to talk about, and just keep listening. They'll think you're the most interesting person in the room, because you're interested in them.

 

[featherhead007]

I don’t think she knows much if anything about them but she seemed interested! She was just really nice in general.

Poor thing seemed a bit shell shocked when I mentioned I had 20 though.

And when I started talking about hatching and having to rehome the roosters.

Probably should have just mentioned the 11 hens/pullets and left the other 9 unmentioned.

But she asked what I did with 20 chickens!!

And I think she asked why I was having to rehome them or if the males were less valuable or whatever and I was like well.... when they all start crowing....

Well, that's a new one for me, You sent a therapist into therapy over chicken math!

 

[ShrekDawg]

Well, that's a new one for me, You sent a therapist into therapy over chicken math!

Her face when I said I had 20!

 

[DellaMyDarling]

Major hugs to you, @DellaMyDarling ! I have a grandson like this. He has been in state custody virtually all his life; all his siblings have grown up in foster care except two (there are six altogether), whom my DH and I are raising. This one of whom I speak has these rage issues like what you describe and has been hospitalized for them (psychiatric) many, many times. He has been deemed dangerous to others since he was about three years old and is mostly in a group home. A young teen now, he will likely be institutionalized all his life. He is highly medicated. I cannot imagine what life would be like with him in the home. My heart goes out to you. His younger brother, whom we do have, is ADHD and mildly autistic. He's medicated. I am in my mid-60's and exhausted, with health issues and bipolar, and I'm also medicated, thank God. If I forget to give him his pill .... well, let's just say I try not to forget, lol. We are warriors, aren't we? We have to be, just to survive. Here's your hug, my sister.

I feel for you. All of you.
My other 2 are also special needs, one being Autistic. Similar to your situation, little guy has struggles but he's high functioning and a very sweet boy, he WILL grow up and be a productive member of society on his own.
My oldest is so intelligent, he could be a military space engineer if he wanted to (he currently thinks an environmental or agricultural engineer career) but he will go no where if we cannot find the right therapy and meds. A brilliant mind trapped and overcome by aggression and delusion.
We are absolutely warriors. These children need us to be.

Her face when I said I had 20!

Imagine if she heard about my 40

 

[ShrekDawg]

I feel for you. All of you.
My other 2 are also special needs, one being Autistic. Similar to your situation, little guy has struggles but he's high functioning and a very sweet boy, he WILL grow up and be a productive member of society on his own.
My oldest is so intelligent, he could be a military space engineer if he wanted to (he currently thinks an environmental or agricultural engineer career) but he will go no where if we cannot find the right therapy and meds. A brilliant mind trapped and overcome by aggression and delusion.
We are absolutely warriors. These children need us to be.


Imagine if she heard about my 40

I hope you are able to find something that works for him!

And I think her head would have exploded!