Need a hug, take a hug.

[Trimurtisan]

Howdy folks of BYC my name is Chris aka Trim.

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The main purpose of this thread is to create a safe place to let go of the stress of life. I know for myself just having someone to listen is often all I need. If this is something that does not appeal to you, I simply request that you move to a different thread. It's not going to be for everyone and that's okay. It would be great if nobody ever needed help, but some of us do so please be respectful. I have spoke with @Nifty-Chicken in regards to starting this thread and he was very supportive of it. If anytime a person here feels like they are being ridiculed or treated unfair I encourage to report the person and not to feed the trolls.

So...You might be wondering "Why in the world would I talk to this guy?" I can't say I blame you, so I'll share a bit about myself.

I am a 37 year old husband and father to 3 children, 1 of which does not live with me. I suffer from PTSD, depression, and bad anxiety. In my early thirties I was having some digestive issues, and decided to go in for an elective colon resection. To keep the story shorter, my 1 surgery turned in to 4 surgeries and left me very institutionalized. I had many adverse reactions with 2 incidents leading to me flat-lining. I would go for weeks at a time with no food, and my body was so compromised that I couldn't have physical contact with my own children. My normal walking weight is around 190# and I dropped down to about 130#. When I finally got out of the hospitals and was on my own I had a bad case of agoraphobia. Doing simple tasks like checking the mail was out of the question. I was terrified of anything and everyone. Just thinking about touching the front door would make my hands tremble and my heart rate would skyrocket. I'd have a full on anxiety attack without even doing anything. That's not all I dealt with, but paints a good picture. If you have any direct question pertaining to it feel free to ask, but I'm going to continue on. I have been able to address most of my issues, and still do on a regular basis through therapy and a persistent want to live a fulfilled life. In general, you might understand why I might understand.

On my main thread, The Quack Shack myself and some of the members there have had some great heart to hearts about life. People helping people is a beautiful and powerful tool that takes no skill to wield. I'll leave the members nameless for their own privacy, but I have no problem admitting they've helped me with troubles in my life. I mean hold my hand and wipe my tears kind of help. I like to think I've been able to do the same for some of them. For those who I'm speaking about, if you read this, thank you.

The point of this thread is not to be a suicide prevention, however I would like to add some info for those in need of such help. For starters I love you. People love you, and somebody needs you. It only take 10 seconds of bad judgement. Please think twice. If you feel the need to talk with someone about suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the national suicide hotline. I know it sounds a bit cliche, but they've saved many of live that might not be with us today. They can be reached at 1-800-273-8255.

For the time being, I've gotta get started on the chicken chores. If anyone has anything they'd like to get of their chest, please feel free to share. As a community of like minded people there's no good reason we can't help each other.

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[chrissynemetz]

Everybody could use a hug once in a while

 

[TwoCrows]

Great thread!

Oh gosh @Trimurtisan you have been through far too much in life. But you sound like you have come a long way and that takes guts, determination and emotional growth, none of which are easy to put into action. I applaud you tremendously!

I too am no stranger to anxiety and depression and have suffered with it all my life. Its debilitating mentally and physically and keeps one from living the life you were meant to live. And unless a person has actually been in your shoes, walking a million miles in them, it's not easy to understand how difficult it is just to get through your day. Breathing can be a chore, I know!!

Hugs to all that contribute to this thread, as @chrissynemetz said, we can all use a hug once in a while.

 

[Duckfarmer1]

I’ll tell a tad bit of my story. I was disabled for 21 years after breaking my back in 4 places giving birth to my son. I had several surgeries, was in a wheelchair, etc. hubby left. Moved up to where I live now...which is a far cry from the fancy suburbs of southern Pgh. I love it up here now. My son is a wonderful 21 year old. I met my hubby when I had a cane and a leg brace, but h3 didn’t see that. I had several other health issues but that’s not important...a few years ago I started having horrible seizures...four or so a day. Had to have help in the house, so a Chris could leave me. With much doctoring...I started doing better...even started not using my cane! I was out raking apples and hurt my ankle. I tore my perineal tendon on my right ankle. I didn’t want surgery...I had had 14 surgErie’s by now, and your never the same after. There was no choice. Anyways. I had 7 mths of intensive PT...2 1/2 hrs twice a week..plus I was nuts at home, because I saw a taste of what I could be. Anyways..they got my bad leg strong! They got all of me strong! I went from 105 lbs to 125 lbs! Chris got me rabbits and webuilt the hutches for me to work on outside as PT at home. He had no idea what he started. What I really wanted was ducks...and that’s how I became @Duckfarmer1 ! Life has never been sweeter. My son now runs marathons. Did another one on Saturday. He is also the strength and conditioning coach for Slippery Rock Univercity. He also has his own training website. our hobby farm has grown like weeds...keeping us more busy than we ever imagined, and at New Years he toasted, over water... that he has everything he ever wanted, and he hopes to just sail through life , because he doesn’t want to ask for more, because that would be greedy.
I just hope the rest of you can find something in your life to turn around that way...because in all things...big and small...we find triumph...we just have to remember to look for it, and take the time to realize it, and enjoy it...enjoy each other.....

 

[Trimurtisan]

Great thread!

Oh gosh @Trimurtisan you have been through far too much in life. But you sound like you have come a long way and that takes guts, determination and emotional growth, none of which are easy to put into action. I applaud you tremendously!

I too am no stranger to anxiety and depression and have suffered with it all my life. Its debilitating mentally and physically and keeps one from living the life you were meant to live. And unless a person has actually been in your shoes, walking a million miles in them, it's not easy to understand how difficult it is just to get through your day. Breathing can be a chore, I know!!

Hugs to all that contribute to this thread, as @chrissynemetz said, we can all use a hug once in a while.

Hi there TwoCrows! Thank you for the kind words. As I'm sure you know, each day is a new struggle, but one worth struggling through. I think you worded it perfectly about understanding another persons troubles.

I've been very lucky to have a great support group, but sadly not everyone has that. I know it can be a difficult subject to talk about, so I am hoping that putting myself out there might help relieve some of that difficulty. Thank you for putting yourself out there too.

Some people might think "that's not normal" but I think it is more normal than "normal" people think.

 

[Trimurtisan]

I've been stuck in a rut for a while now. Easter of last year my bestfriend for the last 1/3 of my life died. His name was Timmy. Timmy had an intravenous drug problem for the last 8 years that just got worse as time went. I could talk for a couple of hours about all the stuff his family and I went through to help him, but I'll just leave that at we did everything we could. We all knew how it would eventually play out including him. Drug addiction is such a horrible struggle. That's not what's been plaguing my mind though.

The night before Timmy was found dead he took his girlfriend to the hospital for an OD. They had both been using the same product. Yet he decided to go home and take a fatal dose. Timmy, although an idiot for his choices, he was not stupid. By this time he was pretty experienced and educated on his drug of choice. What I can't get out of my head is that I think Timmy committed suicide. He had been in a bad depression for a long time and I can't get past how life could get so bad he'd want to end it himself. He wasn't a first time user making a mistake, he was an experienced addict.

We got some text messages just a few hours before he was found. All of them sounded horrible and depressing. Nothing was stated about suicide, but there was a feeling of severe lack of self worth.

This guy means so much to me. He'd been there for me in my lowest of lows and my highest of highs. He saved my life and talked me off the edge when my daughters mother took her from me. He saved my relationship with my wife and I when we where still dating. I was going through a rough time and was being self destructive, but what he said just cut through my bs and hit home. "You know I'll back you up no matter what, but I'm going to be disappointed in you if you don't go home." His opinion meant more to me than anything. He was everything to me a brother should be.

It breaks my heart to think he didn't feel like he had a better way out. It's all that's been playing through my head the last few days. It's quite exhausting. I miss him dearly.

I love you Timmy.

 

[Trimurtisan]

I want to invite @bantamgirl91 over here for a hug.
After reading a post of hers, I think she could use a few. BantamGirl, BYC is a great place to live and learn with others that have like minded ideas and goals. We all love our birds, and enjoy sharing them and our time with one another. I promise, you will get some good advice on how to handle your situation.

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[sourland]

@CarpCharacin - James, I was labeled that "slow" "limited capability" kid who could not read in third grade. Grade school was hell - Home environment was also less than ideal - high school sending district testing indicated that the image that had been created by others for me was incorrect. I was enrolled in an accelerated program, went on to college and got my degree. I did not reach my dream goal of being a veterinarian, but found meaningful employment in an animal care related field. Met someone that I like better than anyone else in the world and have maintained a 55 + year relationship. We have raised two people who are raising another 5 who are meaningful members of society. Sometimes I still question myself and my 'purpose'. After all I am only 78 years old. Mostly I look at myself and take pride in the fact that I am a survivor and a basically good person. Don't let anyone else write your story. I have seen enough of what you share here to know that you are an intelligent and sincere person. Your purpose will find you, and you will be successful. If I could do it I am sure that someone of your caliber will be a success in life.

 

[drumstick diva]

I think I am older than anybody here. From what I can tell I was depressed, filled with anxiety,
phobias etc. I do know(remember) bad experiences with a neighbor at the end of the street. I was 5 year old or so. I told my parents -my mother wanted nothing to do with it. My father said on one hand to forget about it, and on the other that his relative a lawyer said Not to have me testify in court.

The man also did tv repair and despite what I told my father, he had him come into the house to fix our TV. I tried to hide behind a chair but HE saw me. He was grinning at me. What he didn't know was- I was shy and didn't talk to strangers But was very capable of speaking and being understood.I thought my father invited him in deliberately to see me.

That among other things left me very much afraid of men - even of high school males. Had a chance to date but always turned them down. I was afraid of what they would do to me.

At 34 I started seeing a psychiatrist ,and continued with his partner, after he passed away from pancreatitis. Saw his partner for a few years until he died of complications of his treatment for Lymphoma.

After years of trying different medications only one worked for me. In fact of all the other patients put on that med, only I did well on it.

Long, long story-shortened - met a man two years younger than I. He was married, so he was scratched off the list. Two years later he was divorced and asking my friend about me. She told him I was still single. She told me he asked about me all the time . I doubted that.

Anyway I was told I could attend free group therapy from about noon to 2 pm. and the hospital would even provide free cab service. The cab driver ended up being the Same Man I met some time before.

Cabby didn't want me taking my meds because his ex wife had taken meds for her BiPolar disorder /schizoid affective (sorry too hard to spell) and gained 70 lbs. I told him if I don't take meds the doctor will want me to have ECT treatments (electro-convulsive therapy)

I had a number of treatments with no success, so they changed from uni polar treatments to both sides of the brain. No one told me they could lead to memory loss, and other
unpleasant after affects down the road. It is what it is.

I'm off the meds, Backyard Chickens fills my days with friendship and friends I don't have around home. It gives me purpose. I feel the best I have in many years.

I'm not the least bit uncomfortable talking about meds, treatments, psychiatrists, etc. If someone wants to know more about it. I won't mention the med I was on because it doesn't help everyone. I can say meds and exercise made a big difference. I used to walk
amazing distances just because "I could." But, both got me out of my rut. I am happy to be ALIVE . Old age is the reward for living. It's not some monster hiding in the closet.

 

[TwoCrows]

Hi there TwoCrows! Thank you for the kind words. As I'm sure you know, each day is a new struggle, but one worth struggling through. I think you worded it perfectly about understanding another persons troubles.

I've been very lucky to have a great support group, but sadly not everyone has that. I know it can be a difficult subject to talk about, so I am hoping that putting myself out there might help relieve some of that difficulty. Thank you for putting yourself out there too.

Some people might think "that's not normal" but I think it is more normal than "normal" people think.

This sort of thing IS difficult to talk about and share. It's human nature, animals too, to do our best to avoid looking weak in any way. So keeping this stuff buried deeply within is what we do to appear "normal". Sharing and talking is very therapeutic, you can actually learn more about yourself talking to others. Its soothing to get these emotions out of those dark recesses of our brains, share and help others.