Need in-law help before I go NUTS!

[mamabird]

Thannks for the laugh! Sounds like I have heard from the voice of experience.

 

[FrChuckW]

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Good grief Mahonri, are we back in the 1800's Cattle/Sheep Wars?

Cattle and Sheep can graze together on the same land. They eat different types of grasses and sheep don't damage the land as bad as people think they do. Cows will not eat grass growing around manure piles they leave. Sheep on the other hand do not leave those huge piles, and their dung breaks down a lot quicker than a cow's does.

The problem with the MIL is that she is used to controlling all aspects of life around her and probably doesn't want her son to become to independent and successful from her. If you own the acre that you live on then there is nothing she can do about what you do on your own land. However, your husband should have enough backbone to face his mother and get her to change her mind. As for the SIL, I'd plan ahead to buy her out of her half of the farm.

 

[gapeachy]

do you all and the favorite sister half all the property?.....and the barn?....is it all in a will?....I guess as much as you dont like it as long as the MIL is alive she has the right to say if she wants more sheep on the land or not.....try sweet talking and being so nice.....I know it has to be hard...

 

[Sierra pachie bars]

My mother in law isn't to bad per say. She is contantly talking about how the end of the world is coming when we do see her. Always negative so we mainly try to avoid her if we can and remain postive. However I have had issues with my own parents trying to run my life. They got so controling and at the time we lived two houses from them. It was a nightmare. My parents even went as far as to tell everyone they bought me the house which was a complete lie.


Finally one day I snapped, decided I would not longer allow them to think they owned me and had every right to tell me how to live my life. So up for sale the house went. For some reason my father never forgave me , and refused to take a step in my new home. For a few years I tried to make things work with them and allowing them to see their grandchildren. Until one day my mother decided to tell my oldest she was adopted. (Which per advice from therapist she was not ready to know yet we were working towards telling her) See my parents always wanted to take her , some weird connection I don't know because they didn't treat my other 3 children like they did my oldest. My daughter went thu major meltdown but we didnt know why. She started hearing voices and wanted to comment suicide. So we then had her placed for help in a mental hospital. My parents came to visit and telling her not to tell. Come to find out they also told her to lie and say she was being abused to the doctors. They told my daughter that then she would get ot live with them.


My daughter knowing it was wrong refused. My parents then contacted social services. What a mess. So we finally just cut them off and they are now allowed to see their grandkids. Hard yes, very much so. But I didn't see any choice. I can't explain why parents or in-laws for that matter do what they do. I try to think that things could always be worse. So I grin and bear it. Never stand down even in regards to family. Always say what you mean so that there is no confusion. Nothing is worse then a misunderstanding and it just grows from there. Next thing you know nobody is talking to anyone and everyone is mad at everyone.

My advice is if it really bothers you , politely talk to your MIL. You might be surpised. Also never let things like bother you to much like that. I know it is hard to just breath and find something postive in there but if you look hard enough you will find it.

Good luck !! And sorry I blabbed your eyes out

 

[nightshade]

My first thought is god this sounds familar, second thought is that if you have a receipt for the barn tell her if you can not use it for its intended purpose (that is if she knew why you were building the barn, which I am guessing you told her when this all started) that you want the money for the barn. You may want to find legal help for this. Your can chose who you marry you can not chose your inlaws. And they do not always play nice.

From my experience this is not going to get better. We live currently in a similar situation, on in laws property. So everything we do is a beg for it type deal. Yet we pay all the bills, up keep, taxes, ect instead of rent. Every time something happens we are expected to just take care of it, and we have to ask permission every time we buy an animal before hand. If not we get a very rude lecture about how we live on there land. Thankfully we are moving in the spring and if you have that option at anytime I would say take your animals and run!

 

[unionwirewoman]

I went through the same thing for a few years , and my DH longer than that . He was expected to come up and brush whack , cut wood , feed cattle , you name it . He did it BECAUSE his father was getting older , and it's just what people do out of respect of their elders . I did for 2 years before we got married and bought the property . It's hard , and you might disagree with everything they say or do . At the same time you have to realize that the older generations expected this.....they raised your husband ....and now that your MIL doesn't have a man to do the things that need to be done ( I'm assuming her husband is passed ) the burden falls to your hubby and you . Is it fair that you do all of this work and can't use the land ? That in itself is a moral issue and each person would look at it differently . I say let your MIL decide what she wants to do with her land . You could broach the subject once more with her in a nice way...but in the end ....the land is hers . Just know that all of the work you're doing eases her mind and helps bring you together . It may not seem like it , but I'll bet she appreciates all of the hard work you guys do more than you know .

 

[mamabird]

This is where it gets better...the SIL doesn't live in our town...yes, gets 1/2 of everything...does virtually nothing for MIL, and has commented to someone that there is no way her bro is getting the farm. (It just gets better and better). DH thinks that a SIL buy-out is a no-go...which is another reason we would like to buy MIL out now. However, MIL is oblivious to anything SIL does, and doesn't think that there would be any problems with 1/2ing everything in the future. My vote is to look for something else that we can call our own, but with the economy the way it is???

 

[mamabird]

Mrs. Smith -

 

[Wildsky]

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[mamabird]

I know, I know...there is nothing I can do so suck it up and let it go. My common sense knows that, it's all my other senses that are the problem. It's just frustrating!!!