**NEW QUESTION PG. 12** Autism: Yes, you may ask my opinion!

[Jena]

Thank You Horsejody,

Many people there made some really important points. I know it made me think again.

I realise that it is such an important issue over there. I learned a lot. But I had avoided commenting, as I realised I have no knowledge of how the system works over there.

Our system has been in place for so long I really think we take it a lot for granted, but reading along on that thread has really made me think even more about the politics...lol.

Thank you.

Jena.

 

[Momma_Cluck]

Another option for fish oil is Coromega... individual packets of orange flavored gel-- can be taken alone or mixed into juice, yogurt, pudding etc... actually tastes pretty good and no "fish burps"...

also-- there is a Yogurt product called "Yoplait Kids" that has extra Omega-3 DHA in it.... As long as there isn't a "texture" issue with foods for them... is a good option.

My Son can't eat anything "smooth and creamy"... has never eaten frosting, butter, mayo, sour cream, whipped cream, pudding etc....

He was almost 4 before he'd eat ice cream! (He still gags if he see's dad squirt shaving cream out of the can, and he's 18 now!!)

There are chewable calcium +D out there as well.... maybe an option if the D3 isn't available in your area....

 

[okiemommy]

Another option for fish oil is Coromega... individual packets of orange flavored gel-- can be taken alone or mixed into juice, yogurt, pudding etc... actually tastes pretty good and no "fish burps"...

also-- there is a Yogurt product called "Yoplait Kids" that has extra Omega-3 DHA in it.... As long as there isn't a "texture" issue with foods for them... is a good option.

My Son can't eat anything "smooth and creamy"... has never eaten frosting, butter, mayo, sour cream, whipped cream, pudding etc....

He was almost 4 before he'd eat ice cream! (He still gags if he see's dad squirt shaving cream out of the can, and he's 18 now!!)

There are chewable calcium +D out there as well.... maybe an option if the D3 isn't available in your area....

Thanks for the info!! I think the gel would work well for us in his juice cup. The no fish burps is a huge, huge plus. I don't care for the smell of fish, and while pregnant I don't think I could handle the fish burps at all...I could see it now....

lol

Texture is an issue for us too. Like your son, ours wont eat frosting, butter, whipped cream, ice cream, creamy peanut butter etc. But he will eat crunchy peanut butter!

The twins first birthday was one of our major indicators that something was different about our son. We got them the special cakes that they can tear into on their 1st birthday, and when we set it in front of him, he just cried and cried. I thought okay he's one. Most kids that age don't go for parties, and they're more for us, and pics for the kids to see that they were celebrated when their older anyway. So when he had calmed down we stuck his hand in it. (looking back on it, knowing what we know now, it might as well have been a snake or a spider we were making him touch) He started crying again, so we thought okay we'll have him taste it and then he will like it. Nope. Not at all. He cried harder, we cleaned him up, and let him touch the cake if he wanted to. He eventually did, but only when his brother ate the icing off the cake and exposed the cake part.​

 

[ursusarctosana]

Duck eggs have more Omega-3s, too.

 

[Wifezilla]

They do? Yeah ducks!

 

[Naria]

Whew! I stumbled accross this thread yesterday evening and got so sucked in, I have been reading it as non-stop as possible all day today. Ursusarctosana, I want to compliment you on your direct subject line “Autism: Yes, you may ask my opinion!” and I want to say thank you to everyone else for being so open with their experiences and opinions.

I have several completely different comments / questions so I think I’ll post them seperately. I am no stranger to mental disorders and am very fascinated by them, however Autism is one that I have not yet had personal experience with.

My first question is has anybody heard of the National Alliance on Mental Illness or NAMI? http://www.nami.org/ They are an advocate group for people with mental illnesses and their families. One of the super cool things they do is give disorder specific (and free) classes that educate the family members and caregivers on how to understand and communicate with their loved one. They break down all the medical jargon and help you understand what is going on, what to expect, and how to see things from your family member’s point of view.

My mother and I attended one of their classes when my stepfather was diagnosed with Bipolar after being hospitolized for an especially scary manic episode. It was very helpful and I recommend the classes to anybody who wants to learn more about their family member’s condition.

 

[Naria]

Communication problems; verbal vs written word-

I am TOTALLY familiar with some of the conversation confusion you guys describe and the ability to express myself better through writing than face-to-face. (although the source is probably a little different) I have ADD and often have the problem that my mind is going WAY faster than my mouth (and especially the conversation itself) can keep up. One thing makes me think of another thing and before you know it I am talking about hats when everyone else is still talking about paint color. I suddenly get a bunch of blank stares because everyone else is thinking “where the heck did THAT come from?” and nobody knows what to say to my completely unrelated comment. I believe many “normal thinkers” they think they are being more polite by ignoring my odd comment rather than drawing attention to it.
I am also a horrible story teller because I get ahead of myself and have to back track to explain things. When I type things out I am able to rearrange things into the proper order. I can also proofread myself and filter out my MANY subject tangents before sending out the final version. I LOVE cut and paste!

So, my question is to you folks with the Autism varients, what kinds of things go through your mind as you follow a conversation? How are group conversations different for you than one-on-one conversations? What about the written word makes it easier for you to express yourself?

 

[BarkerChickens]

Quote:
Hi Naria! I will comment based on my brother's experiences and his descriptions to me, however, I will add that Ursusarctosana will likely answer it far better than I for several reason...amazing way with words and, of course, her personal experience.

My brother has said that one-on-one conversations is easier for him than groups, but that he feels comfortable in both situations now (emphasis on now since that is not always been the case). He said he has to make a conscious effort to keep eye contact, which isn't the most comfortable for him. He too has the "mind faster than the mouth" thing and has to remind himself to stay focused since he will talk and leave out important details (not so much anymore, but growing up it was a HUGE deal!). Though, without him telling me this, I am not sure that I would notice since he has adapted so well. His written word is amazing! He LOVES to write and definitely has a talent in it. Probably not related to his autism (probably gets it from my mom who writes very well), but he enjoys the written language...both writing and reading.

 

[okiemommy]

Good questions

I believe that I can help out somewhat at least.

I have trouble being able to tell when it is appropriate to talk. I have to constantly pay conscious deliberate attention to the conversations flow to see if it's appropriate to speak. Many times I still get it wrong. Sometimes I still speak out of turn, or say something that is misplaced contextually to early or too late. I also feel a lot of pressure being in any type of conversation especially a group conversation, because I begin overwhelmed with the task at hand; processing and participating, navigating, and understanding on a social level, the conversation. I take note of a rule that I have learned if I notice that the flow of the conversation presents one that I recognize. It can be truly exhausting, especially if the person or people speaking, are using humor or jokes that are not my adopted style of humor, or if they are things I am unfamiliar with.

I personally try to see someone's words when they are speaking as if I am reading them from a book. I have found this to be helpful when I remember to do it, or as long as the speaker isn't speaking so fast that I can't process it in that way.
It's almost like the computer programs that you see for the folks who can't speak or are blind. The words get put up on the screen by typing or eye movements, but the screen reads them out loud slower than they are typed.

My brain visually puts them in a couple of book lines, and then rather than reading them out loud like the computer program, my brain processes them like I'm reading to myself, but like the computer program the getting out of the meaning is slower than it takes me to to put the words up there visually.

Does that make sense? lol

I have a lot of anxiety in conversations due to so many factors.

People often tell me that my facial expressions don't match what I am trying to get across, and it's much easier with people who know me, and have grown to love me and see past what just seems like a difficult person to talk to. So it's really like walking into a minefield to me, knowing that inevitably I am going to step on one, and I probably won't ever know I'm dead as it's happening(because if you land on a mine just right, you're blown to bits, and never knew what hit you)So if I hit some sort of social landmine, and someone doesn't point it out to me, I may never know, because it's just something that I don't notice on my own usually.

Usually the only indication that something has gone amiss in the conversation is the other person's facial expression, but I rarely understand what it means. If I notice this, and ask, and if they know me well enough to know that I am not an insensitive person, they tell me, and I am able to clarify what I am saying to them. If the person isn't comfortable with me, and they don't know me well enough to know that I really don't know what is contextually inappropriate about what I said, then as you can imagine, they get offended, they don't feel like they should have to explain it to me, and I am left in a state of blank confusion because I just offended them and I have the audacity to then ask, did I say something wrong?
But I am persistent, and have developed a thick skin. The weird thing about me is that I actually like being around other people. Many on the spectrum do not at all for various reasons. Too exhausting, no one understands them, for many people their stimming is so different that they don't feel comfortable being around others, or others treat them badly because of their differences and who wants that? There are many reasons.

But I plug away at it, and keep on trying to figure it all out, and when I get exhausted and frustrated at it, I take a break from it and retreat for a while, until I get up the fortitude to navigate some more social minefields. Because really they're not real minefields I tell myself, yeah they may be painful, but they are nothing compared to real ones, and the battle scars I get from them help me to remember all the things that are truly important in life.

I would also like to point out that as with social issues for people on the spectrum, mine detection is not about intelligence. You can have a highly intelligent person, that just doesn't always navigate those social mines properly. They may avoid one, only to be felled by another. Because as with mines, you can have all of the mine detecting knowledge that your forces are capable of, but if a mine has been developed that is not detectable by your current technology(for a person on the spectrum, previous experience with a scenario in a social setting), then someone's probably going to get blown up. Unfortunately in social settings you don't get the luxury of sending a drone in to blow up the mines for you

Written word, I can go back and edit!....it's just easier because I am not in front of a person having to figure out their body language, and I don't have to worry about mine coming across the opposite of what I am trying to get across. I don't have to read facial expressions, and I don't have to worry about mine "betraying me" by being the opposite of what I'm saying. It's the absence of the the traffic jam on non-verbal cues that we don't get anyway that makes writing enjoyable. I also don't have to worry about how you are interpreting what I am saying in real time; that is to say you can read what I wrote after I wrote it, and then I get time to process your response, or non-response in my own way, without the pressures of accepted social expectations (producing a situationally appropriate reaction on demand) that I don't understand anyway.

Group conversations? Can you just gouge my eyes out with spoons?

Trying to understand non-verbal cues and social expectations with one person is hard enough. Now add more people and the traffic Jam of those non-verbal cues and social expectations are directly proportional to the increase in the number of people in the group. Then add onto that group dynamics which even neurotypical people take classes to learn!!

That's how it's different to me

Hope this helps!

 

[Naria]

Wow! Thanks for the replies already guys! here is my next question:

About Autism types

I suppose this question is more about clarifying the idea of the ‘spectrum’ of Autism. I can grasp the idea of severity, high vs. low functioning. However that seems more of a 2-D sliding scale to me rather than a full 3-D spectrum. So you can have both high and low functioning Aspergers and high and low functioning classic Autism? Then there is the PDD which is some other type that they grouped everyone else into?
Ursusarctosana – you tried to explain why you were not Aspergers but more the classic type. Does this have to do with Math skills for example? (Please forgive me if I’m getting this ALL mixed up and butchered, but you invited me to ask! ) The way I understand it, Aspergers tend to have super high aptitudes for patterns and coding. This is why there are so many of them over in Silicon Valley. I am no expert but I always figured you had to be decent with math for programming or engineering skills. In its purest form, Mathematics is nothing but patterns.
You SAY you are no good at communicating (through writing); from what I have seen of you on this thread you are very eloquent. You have also answered everyone in logical ways that show that you understood what the other person was saying, so your comprehension seems good. When I looked at the timestamps of some of the posts, you had several very quick replies, so this implies you did not spend a lot of time rereading and overanalyzing the post you were replying to. Perhaps your high confidence level in the topic at hand has to do with this? Or do you think it has more to do with your hard work and practice? Or a combination?
May I ask what you ended up doing for a living after realizing that your business degree was futile? Is your son the same type of Autistic? You mentioned not getting along / understanding him when he was younger but you get along good now.

One more thing back to the conversation question I suppose- Do those of you with Autism have trouble understanding other Autistic people? How do the conversations work when a big group of you get together face-to-face?

What about if they are the same or different types or functioning level?