**NEW QUESTION PG. 12** Autism: Yes, you may ask my opinion!

[Jena]

Quote:
Breezy thank you.

I am an older person as well. Only in my 50s but I am in the UK and I think we are way behind the USA in our understanding of this.

My sons, in an attempt to understand me have decided I am eccentric, and I am sure that in the past that would have been the "Excuse" for those of us who are "out of Sync".

But having done this test, for meit explains a little why I am so out of sync, and also reading along on this thread has been brilliant as I can recognise so many of my own traits in other people's experience.

Visualising, logic and patterns are so dominant in my own mind, it has made a huge difference for me.

I am so pleased that you and your husband are finding some answers. In a world where it can be important to have a feeling of belonging, it is important to understand why you feel out of sync.

Autism, HFA, and Aspergers, and diagnosis and understanding of the spectrum can lead to feeling a little less alone.

best wishes to you both.

Jena.

 

[Jena]

Quote:
lol.....lol...

I am happy to be producing giggles! Learning is more fun that way. (and I thought I'd only be learning about chickens on this site!)

Literally speaking backwards? That is AWSOME! are you able to understand recordings of the spoken word backwards? Can you speak it on purpose when you want to? You could send secret messages to people!

(the only thing pseudo-similar that I can do is write mirror image with my left hand)

He he.. Here in south Georgia (where I am a transplant) one of my ex-boyfriends would sometimes slip into a VERY deep southern drawl that was difficult to understand. So, even though people may not be able to understand what you said, I dont think it's uncommon for your mind to slip your speech patturn when it's tired. SO - you should not be embarrased of such a neat talent!

What I am hoping to get out of this discussion is that if/when I ever meet someone who is Autistic I can be aware of and sensitive to your unique comunication style. I want to make the other person feel comfortable when I talk to them so everybody wins.

Hints for me:
Avoid group conversations, there is too much going on.
Don't force the eye contact.
Remember that you may need a little extra time to process what I said and make your reply.
Don't use subtle hints, just be direct and say what I mean.
It's ok for me to ask what you meant if I did not understand.
Encourage you to ask me to clarify myself if you did not understand me or my current emotion.

Anything else?

hi Naria,

Lol... my son came back to me later and had found peeping into this thread really useful.

He came back with a scenario of meeting a number of us here at a function. He said he would be exhausted. I asked him about the hints. he agreed, but added:

Don't be put off if I do make very direct eye contact with you. (I may not be seeing you)

Also yes I do sometimes need longer to process what you have said.

I am also a great frowner. It does not mean I am angry of upset it is the level of concentration I am giving to something that TO ME is worthy of a lot of thought. I may also mutter or pull faces.

If I say something that sounds flippant and dismissive, ignore it, it could have touched a nerve, or I may not be able to process it in the current environment. Too much going on.

Ask the question again broken down a bit, dig and if coaxed I will do my utmost to give you an answer or a lead to another conversation.

Sometimes something randon will spark an intrusion into my mind map, and I may say something that sounds like an aside or is disconnected with the theme. My sister has taught me now to cross my fingers and file it for later.

I can only describe it by saying I have about 12 speech bubbles containing topics, floating around above my head at any given time, and they are all important things I am working on, but on a cue I will pull them down into the moment but sometimes they will share a cue, and an interjection will result. That is why I have to concentrate so much, and if required to do something I function much better if I am allowed some time to immerse myself in the task, so that all of the current speech bubbles relate to the task in some way. Tangents are a part of everyday life and while they may not be logical to anyone else they are a part of my own pattern of things.

back to my son again..... if I am deeply involved in doing something, he has been known to walk in the door and ask me a simple question and my answer bears no relation to what he is asking but relates to what I am doing or thinking about. he has to "Break through " to get an answer. My other son just huffs and walks away.... lol.

It has led to me telling him the keys are in the oven, under the pork chops.

Recently when they were both in the same room at the same time, which does not happen often they told me it had been a unique experience being brought up by a "Mad Woman", but they were glad that they had, and felt that as a result of me being a One off, I had encouraged them to be confident to be different too.

One is a musician, and the other is a male nurse. In our family of heavy industry working class background, it is different, I was the first to go to university in the family, albeit at age 43.

The one who was giving the tips, my youngest, also said don't ever think I am being nasty.....it is very rare. If I close down it is because I have hit a wall somewhere.

 

[ursusarctosana]

Quote:
lol.....lol...

I am happy to be producing giggles! Learning is more fun that way. (and I thought I'd only be learning about chickens on this site!)

Literally speaking backwards? That is AWSOME! are you able to understand recordings of the spoken word backwards? Can you speak it on purpose when you want to? You could send secret messages to people!

(the only thing pseudo-similar that I can do is write mirror image with my left hand)

He he.. Here in south Georgia (where I am a transplant) one of my ex-boyfriends would sometimes slip into a VERY deep southern drawl that was difficult to understand. So, even though people may not be able to understand what you said, I dont think it's uncommon for your mind to slip your speech patturn when it's tired. SO - you should not be embarrased of such a neat talent!

What I am hoping to get out of this discussion is that if/when I ever meet someone who is Autistic I can be aware of and sensitive to your unique comunication style. I want to make the other person feel comfortable when I talk to them so everybody wins.

Hints for me:
Avoid group conversations, there is too much going on.
Don't force the eye contact.
Remember that you may need a little extra time to process what I said and make your reply.
Don't use subtle hints, just be direct and say what I mean.
It's ok for me to ask what you meant if I did not understand.
Encourage you to ask me to clarify myself if you did not understand me or my current emotion.

Anything else?

hi Naria,

Lol... my son came back to me later and had found peeping into this thread really useful.

He came back with a scenario of meeting a number of us here at a function. He said he would be exhausted. I asked him about the hints. he agreed, but added:

Don't be put off if I do make very direct eye contact with you. (I may not be seeing you)

Also yes I do sometimes need longer to process what you have said.

I am also a great frowner. It does not mean I am angry of upset it is the level of concentration I am giving to something that TO ME is worthy of a lot of thought. I may also mutter or pull faces.

If I say something that sounds flippant and dismissive, ignore it, it could have touched a nerve, or I may not be able to process it in the current environment. Too much going on.

Ask the question again broken down a bit, dig and if coaxed I will do my utmost to give you an answer or a lead to another conversation.

Sometimes something randon will spark an intrusion into my mind map, and I may say something that sounds like an aside or is disconnected with the theme. My sister has taught me now to cross my fingers and file it for later.

I can only describe it by saying I have about 12 speech bubbles containing topics, floating around above my head at any given time, and they are all important things I am working on, but on a cue I will pull them down into the moment but sometimes they will share a cue, and an interjection will result. That is why I have to concentrate so much, and if required to do something I function much better if I am allowed some time to immerse myself in the task, so that all of the current speech bubbles relate to the task in some way. Tangents are a part of everyday life and while they may not be logical to anyone else they are a part of my own pattern of things.

back to my son again..... if I am deeply involved in doing something, he has been known to walk in the door and ask me a simple question and my answer bears no relation to what he is asking but relates to what I am doing or thinking about. he has to "Break through " to get an answer. My other son just huffs and walks away.... lol.

It has led to me telling him the keys are in the oven, under the pork chops.

Recently when they were both in the same room at the same time, which does not happen often they told me it had been a unique experience being brought up by a "Mad Woman", but they were glad that they had, and felt that as a result of me being a One off, I had encouraged them to be confident to be different too.

One is a musician, and the other is a male nurse. In our family of heavy industry working class background, it is different, I was the first to go to university in the family, albeit at age 43.

The one who was giving the tips, my youngest, also said don't ever think I am being nasty.....it is very rare. If I close down it is because I have hit a wall somewhere.

Your son's insights are definitely useful. Nicely said.

 

[ursusarctosana]

This topic's post is turning out the way I had wished it would when I started it. Thank you all for continuing to keep the discussion alive and to input your invaluable insights. We really have something here.

 

[Jena]

Quote:
It is your knowledge of the topic that has been so useful.

Really. My son trained with me as a carer working with EMI patients and then went on to be an Auxilliary Nurse and is currently looking to do his formal nursing training, so he has some insight, and a great natural ability to accept people. he also has a really good sense of humour.

I have found it so very useful reading all of this, and thank you.

Truely. all of you that have contributed. Big thank you.

 

[Wifezilla]

New article on autism and vitamin d...
http://www.lef.org/magazine/mag2009...een-Autism-and-Low-Levels-of-Vitamin-D_01.htm

 

[breezy]

Quote:
Breezy thank you.

I am an older person as well. Only in my 50s but I am in the UK and I think we are way behind the USA in our understanding of this.

My sons, in an attempt to understand me have decided I am eccentric, and I am sure that in the past that would have been the "Excuse" for those of us who are "out of Sync".

But having done this test, for meit explains a little why I am so out of sync, and also reading along on this thread has been brilliant as I can recognise so many of my own traits in other people's experience.

Visualising, logic and patterns are so dominant in my own mind, it has made a huge difference for me.

I am so pleased that you and your husband are finding some answers. In a world where it can be important to have a feeling of belonging, it is important to understand why you feel out of sync.

Autism, HFA, and Aspergers, and diagnosis and understanding of the spectrum can lead to feeling a little less alone.

best wishes to you both.

Jena.

Thank you Jena for your good wishes. Since we discovered his autism life has gotten better and better for him and also for our marriage. Its hard to deal with things if you dont know dont know what they are.He feels like for the first time in his life he gets why things are so hard for him. He also feels less frustrated because he has a better understanding of himself. We are both more in tune with each other.
I know Aspergers can be challenging for both the person who has it and their spouse but it does have its gifts as well and those gifts can be pretty amazing. I wish you and your family well
breezy

 

[Wifezilla]

While I knew from an early age my youngest son had autism, it wasn't until I figured out that I had ADD (inattentive subtype) that I understood why some of his behaviors drove me up the wall. When he would flap his hands or hum, it was just enough to distract me to the point where I couldn't concentrate. His pacing does that to me too.

Knowing that is MY issue helps me find ways to handle things better. We get along much better knowing the facts. Of course, there are time when poor hubby just has to take our youngest for a drive to get us a break from each other...LOL

 

[Fancie]

my son hasn't been diagonosed yet... but there is suspisoins of autism.... I don't really understand autism or anything... who knows maybe when I figure out what it is... maybe I'll find that my husband and I have it as well.

Anyway, he basacally lacks all socail skills. He is very shy and gets very nervoius around other people. I don't know how to explain it. I know what he is doing wrong... but I'm not sure if or should I correct him, and how to do it. Can he be more... umm... normal... if we took the extra effort into showing him how??

A few quarks he has other than the socail skills is he bites his hands (well mouths) and nails. He also lines stuff up, mostly his cars. When he gets on a subject he is ubsessed with it for days.... like airplanes (which was the funnest one since we live a block from a air-port) bugs, cars, shapes, etc.

I worried about a few things.

1.) Is him getting made fun of in school. He is in preschool right now, and will be again next year. But when he gets into Kindergargen and grade school I want him to be able to fit in.

2.) Him being a successful adult. Be able to have a decent job, and not be stuck at home.

They say if he is he is high functioning.

They want us to take him to a consular... Is this stuff his consalor would help with??

Thanks for your help.

 

[Wifezilla]

I would get your son on vitamin D and fish oil ASAP. It may help you avoid having to deal with some of those issues in the first place.