Not ready for kids..

[mylittlechickpea]

Yea, this one is definately worth another talk when he get's home. I'm hoping that it's just a "boat thing"... One of other wives from his boat that I met recently has a very similar experience almost every time they pull out. They've been in a few years longer than us, and have their own plans of when they want to have kids and everything. She said usually around the middle of the deployment she'll get a random email saying how nice kids would be to see on the pier.. So I'm wondering if it's some random submarine talk that goes around. I always thought they talked about wieners when they were underway..

I guess they talk about kids too. Who knew..


I honestly wouldn't mind if that's what he really wants (I've always secretly wanted a kid before 25, I'm 23) I really just think I was taken aback by his comment

. I know it's tough, and I know I have no idea how tough it really is. I'm on the fence on the whole thing, I don't know. I'm young, I'm a new wife, we have our whole lives together. I would like him to be around to watch his booger grow up and change a diaper or two, and I know that he wants that, too. The whole thing is just hard, although I do know that he wants to make a career of the navy, so really I guess he'll always be coming and going. So I'm not sure if there will ever be the "right time"..

 

[mylittlechickpea]

And thanks for the input, guys. I think it might just be one of those middle-of-the-night-should-be-sleeping-but-now-this-is-on-my-mind-what-do-i-do thoughts... I'm off to put my laundry away and get to bed. Goodnight

 

[Amyable]

Very good, geebs! chickpea, when DH and I were dating/engaged, we both agreed to start trying at about the 2 year anniversary. We wanted some time to just be married. Then about 2-3 months after getting hitched, he starts pining for a baby, asking if we could start at one year

I relented and said ok. Well, God gave us a surprise headstart when DS was born 2 months after our 1st anniversary! I wouldn't change it now, but when I found out we were preggy, I was so upset! 'It's too early, I'm not ready, bahwaawaa!'

THere are very, very few people in teh world who are actually "ready" for a baby. There is no perfect time to have a kid, but the perfect moment is when you meet that little one for the first time. Do what geebs said, be warm and encouraging while affirming you want hubby home to savor the pregnancy and to support both of you. He doesn't want to miss out on feeling that kiddo squirming about in your tummy

 

[saddina]

I will say that the best time to concieve is when BOTH parents can be fully involved and are 100% sure this is what to do. When our older son turned 3 (and was a perfectly agreeable child) we had the it's time to have another child chat and agreed. Within 48 hours my husband was hit by a semi who crossed into on comming traffic. Critical care, broken ribs, the whole bit, in the hospital we decided we'd wait till he was healed up. Few weeks later I'm in the market and the smell of fried chicken is just awful. Yep, we were pregnant in 2 nights. He spent most of the pregnancy in bed and physical therapy from the car accident while I dealt with constant morning sickness, a clingy 3 yr old, who just wanted daddy to play with him, and a husband zoned out on pain meds (bit like having an extra child). The best laid plans can be scuttled in an instant.

A handy suggestion for when you do... put pictures of Daddy up, in thier room, at eye level (also handy for aunties and grannies they'll see once twice a year). That way you can point to the photo while talking to the kids "This is Daddy, Daddy works on a big boat, and is comming home to see us next month". When he gets home each time, take a new family picture "Keven, remember the fun we had with Daddy last Easter, looking for eggs? We're going to go get Daddy next week" We do similar with grandparents, so that when we visit yearly, the kids know who's Nana, Papa, Grandpa Roy, Auntie, Cousin etc; same as if we looked at a zoo photo and taught them elephant and giraffe.

 

[Ozarkquilter46]

I am a military wife of 20 years. My hubby retired a Mst.Sgt. I took care of alot of the wifes when there hubbys were away. Now that being said I find that alot of men want to get there wifes pg. before being deployed because they feel like it will keep there wife from cheeting on them and leaving them while they are gone. I don't know why they think this as most women want more sex when pg but I think that is just how there minds work. Hope this helps you

 

[sourland]

Well, there are a lot of ways to look at this. First of all, I'm not sure there is ever a "right" time to have kids. The Princess and I married relatively young by today's standards. She was 19 and I was 22. Our son was born 24 months later and our daughter 19 months after him. We were dirt poor, but made it work. Grew them up, away they went, and here after 46 years of marriage we are still having fun. I guess the operative here is that although young and stupid, we BOTH wanted to have a family of our own for a variety reasons that I will not get into here. The two of you have known one another long enough to know what will or will not work. It would be tough while he is still deployed. Realistically you have to do most of the hard work, and it is serious committment. Kids are a serious life style changer, but in our case having them early on was the right thing to do. Good luck in your decision.

 

[schellie69]

I think it is him hearing the other guys talk about the wife and kids and wanting that to come home to. I would just say yes I want kids with you when you can be here to enjoy this with me we only get the to do the first child once and each pregnancy different I want you to be here for me through all of it and enjoy it. this is something that we need to share. and when the time is right we will know. I went through all 3 of my pregnancy alone and wish my now DH has been with me. and it was no fun being alone it was hard and scary and I would give anything to have enjoyed having a husband that was there for the pregnancy but I didn't but I did watch my DH be there for our oldest DD while she was pregnant with our 1st grand daughter and he was great he talked to the baby every day and was there when she was born. so I saw what it would have been like to have him there for my pregnancy and it made me realize that it is a very bonding time between parents when they go through something like that together. I wish you the best and hope its just the boat talk guys get when they are deployed.

 

[EweSheep]

I agree with Geebs, if you are not ready and both of you are not 100% into it, do not have a kid. Just continue to take your pills without letting him know or some medical issues if he does ask why you are taking them....like irregular periods, painful periods, etc. Let him know that pills are not 100% effective and only the BEST and STRONGEST of his sperms will jump over that barrier fence!

Having kids is a lot of work and I could not have done it without hubby's help. It makes my motherhood more enjoyable. When he was working second and third shift, having my dd all day, I resented him for it. Now he is back on days, it was lovely!

I thought some guys wanted to have kids just to pass on their legacy, in case something does happen to them such as being killed, died while on active duty or paralyzed from some mortar bombs that they are afraid that they wont perform. Men are funny about this but understandable.

 

[debilorrah]

If 25 is a mid-life crisis I'm screwed!!!!

 

[Amyable]