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Office Work.......
- Thread starter scbatz33
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Quote:
The Beaner brooders are 2' deep and 4' wide, and I have 15 3 weeks olds in one of them. And 15 7-10 day olds in another. As long as you don't over-crowd, I'd think either of your cabinets woulld work jsut fine!
I have a projecy split that's gone broody after a big months of laying eggs. She sounds like a homicidal velociraptor. She's so vicious the other pullets are scared to even use the nesting box NEXT to hers
The Beaner brooders are 2' deep and 4' wide, and I have 15 3 weeks olds in one of them. And 15 7-10 day olds in another. As long as you don't over-crowd, I'd think either of your cabinets woulld work jsut fine!
I have a projecy split that's gone broody after a big months of laying eggs. She sounds like a homicidal velociraptor. She's so vicious the other pullets are scared to even use the nesting box NEXT to hers
- Apr 28, 2010
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OK...this is my response to my 3 sisters snarky emails...
I have not sent it yet....just in case I should decide to make any modifications.....
Hello,
I'd like to be able to convey my part at this time.
1) To me this has not been a sudden occurance. Wayne filed for divorce in October 2009...5 months after my first heart attack. I am not sure exactly when it was, but not soon after that, mom mentioned the idea of us living together. She said, she did not want to live in a nursing home and would prefer to live with me. I said, I wouldn't mind having another adult in the house and I was open to the idea.
Mom would call me when she saw houses she wanted to look at and we would go look trying to keep in mind a place for Melinda (because mom said she needs a "home base") and a place for me and my children. I voiced my concerns with mom and said, I would of course pay an agreed upon price to help cover the costs of living there. Mom was looking at homes that were similar in price to what her condo payment is. I also voiced that I was rather uneasy about the family dynamics of such an arrangement...knowing this was to surely upset 2 of the 3 sisters and she was just as concerned about upsetting her daughters.
I also voiced the concern that I was uncomfortable with the fact that if she were to go to a nursing home or die suddenly, my ability to pay a mortgage of her size, and I and my children would be out in the streets again. I would mention staying in this home and mom would sometimes entertain the idea. I said, we could put french doors up on the library and the back portion could be her area to get away if she wanted to. This was mentioned to Melinda and Melinda's response was that she wanted to park a camper on the lot and pay the electric bill for the household. It was just something that was being talked about and considered. Mom and I both talked about the positive aspects of living together...how it would help her as well as myself.
After getting closer to the end of my divorce-which was last fall-- and not finding any homes that mom was particular to and the added concern of speaking her desires to Johanna and Marta, we would talk about perhaps she would stay in her condo a bit longer and I told her that no matter where I was, I would always have a room for her when she becomes "old and senile," I would say in a lighthearted manner. She said she didn't expect me to take care of her and I told her that you are my mother and I will take care of you as long as I am able...if you are no longer able to walk or need more care than I can provide...then it would be time to seek a nursing home. She agreed.
I would tell her things as they would happen to me, like the time I saw an old lady with her daughter out for soup when I had to take Zoe to Monroe to deal with her crowded molars. The old lady stopped at our table and smiled but did not speak. I told her she was looking good and smiled at her. She touched my hand as if to say, "Look what I can do." And she very slowly and gingerly bent down and touched her toes. I said, "Wow! And you are limber too!" Her daughter thanked me and I said, "We enjoyed her visit."
They then went to the next shop over to the chocolate shop and had hot cocoa and Zoe and I went over there too to get an icecream. I heard the daughter saying to her mom, "You like coming to places where you know people?" And the mother nodded her head yes and smiled. I told mom about this trip and told her, I would take her out for soup and hot cocoa and to places she would recognize when her mind started to go...which mom is greatly concerned about happening...not soon...but eventually. Mom said the life in which I speak of sounds like a nice little quaint life.
The house I am looking at has a ground floor bedroom next to the bathroom in which I would make mom's when the time comes if that is her desire as she has continually spoken of to me. I would feel safer in a home that fits my budget so when the time does come...I and my children are not in jeapordy of loosing our home due to circumstances.
We all know mom has trouble voicing her thoughts to anyone especially if she feels it may hurt feelings or rock the boat. She was unable to stand up for herself in a marriage that continually was a source of severe verbal abuse and was herself a hapless victim of a very difficult childhood. But I feel I must intercede or interject and make you aware of yet another layer to this story. I see great similarities to her story and mine in regards to our marriages and we have shared stories and she has read some of a book I recently bought to help me understand the abuse and when to recognize it so it won't happen again. It has been very helpful.
2) I would like to clear up some things regarding the temporary loan. It has now come down to the wire that my divorce should be finalized according to what I was told by the end of May ***but the sale of the house should happen immediately.*** I must have a plan of action. At first mom said she would help keep this house and I was under the impression she would move in sooner than later. Well, mom I think is struggling with what she wants to do at this point. I believe she wants to stay at her condo for a little while longer. This than made it more apparent that I, myself, would not be able to stay in this home.
So mom and I were looking at other homes for me and my children. When we would look at homes that were in my budget, I would say, and when it's time, here is where you can stay and Melinda can stay here. We were looking at a home right next to Dawn's and sat down with the bank to talk about a loan. Because of my credit at this time, I was not able to qualify but the bank loan officer adviced me that with doing certain steps I could get my credit back up in about 6 or so months. Realizing I do not have 6 or so months to get there since the divorce is coming down to the wire...mom said she would get the loan. I mentioned that I would want to do a rent to own or something such as, so the house would be mine. The sooner the better and all would ride decisively on the sale of my house and the matter of equity it is able to pull in.
I saw Dawn right after we looked at the house next to hers when Zoe was selling girl scout cookies at the pizza shop. I told her I saw the house next to hers. That's when she told me, no, come look at mine, mine is better. So I told mom and we went and looked and liked what we saw and the price was manageable. In order to rest our minds at ease, we sought out a free HUD service to go over the budget. It was told to us that not only could I afford to live there but I would have extra income at my disposal in case a maintenance issue arose or if I needed it for car payments in the future. (I do not owe on my current van.)
My strategy is as follows. Wayne and I currently owe 56K on this house. We have 2 interested parties as it is. One offer of 115K that was offered a couple of years ago and that was before a new boiler, water softner, painting of 3 rooms, and full carpet redone in the full upstairs rooms. I understand the housing market is a buyers market these days but feel even if we are low balled and accept 115K we will still get a decent amount of equity to split.
Also, Wayne's recent appraisal came in at 158K and mine at 138K and a realitor I know I asked if Wayne's appraisal of 158k sounded high? Her response was, if it were her, she would start at 140K because it is in a very desirable location and the land is what makes it even more desirable...and she has been in the house for a tour. It is also my knowlege that when people caught wind of my potential moving I had several trucks/cars pull into my drive scoping out the house and asking if I was moving. Word travels fast in Winnebago. On my short strip of street alone--from Hyson's house to Cunningham road-- 4 houses have been sold within the last year and have MAJOR improvements done.
Keeping the above in mind. I would hope that the interested party or two or three would buy the house in short order. Even at the 115K offer I would be able to pay mom back every penny of the down payment and pay most of my debt down--like 95% + -- from medical bills... and I would take the advice of loan officer and get my credit up as soon as possible and buy out mom and get her off the mortgage. I would qualify for FAHA at that time and be able to get 3% rate I was told by loan officer. I would hope I could do this within the year, year and a half...
3) I would like to make it clear that mom does not support me financially. I am living off of child support, Wayne is responsible for the mortgage, and I qualify for medicaid, food stamps, and utility assistance. Talking with Dawn and going over thier budget has enabled me to hone in what the actual cost of living there would entail and I was able to come up with my own budget of cost of living for the girls and I, month to month. It is an arm and a leg differance compared to the current home I live in. It makes a world of difference and makes it affordable to live and have extra in the end.
My understanding is that when the cabin was sold everyone was gifted 10k. I was not given my portion because mom wanted to make sure that Wayne could not get to it. We were told by my lawyer that since the divorce papers have been filed and it is a gift to me solely, that indeed he would have NO claims to it. Yet mom has not made it available. When I need money to pay say, my lawyer, mom writes a check out but all of this is documented and deducted from the 10 k I am owed. If it would make it easier for the executor and avoid unnecessary paperwork....then know, we can work it out where the rest of what is owed to me be placed into my account and there would be no harm done.
With this being said, I did tell mom to give me the rest of the money that is owed to me because I needed to move on with my life because I needed to make a move immediately since it has now become apparent that my house will be getting showed and sold in the VERY near future--***a realitor could be scheduled this week, I am at the mercy of the courts. And was told if things aren't spotless by this week, I could be kicked out. I managed to buy myself a month at best I THINK in clearing the house out when I told my lawyer it was possible that I and my children will have a home to go to by the 15th of April. It has been talked about to Wayne that it would be in both our interests to give me that time to clear out so when the house does get showed it is in it's best condition without my things and pets here so we could get the most for it. And he agreed. Another court hearing is scheduled for the 24th to go over more details for status.***
It has been very hard emotionally and physically to be put in a situation where I am told I will be helped, understanding the elements of said temporary loan, and constantly have the threat of homelessness for me and my children weigh heavy on my shoulders when said agreement---is at first, happily arrived at by mother and daughter---but then given and taken away several times because of complications and according to our mother, "is not really about money." Even so, I believe it plays a huge part. I want you to know I am not interested in "sponging" off of mom. I don't believe that is what is happening here when we both made the arrangement of temporary loan.
***I would like you to consider your own children at this time and realize not all circumstances that occur for them will necessitate an equal amount of help that you should be made to pay a dime for a dime in thier life time. Melinda, you understand that Stephan has struggles and maybe more so then his siblings and may need extra support throughout his life. This does not make Jordan or Megan resent her for helping thier brother. Johanna, at one point Collin had a hole in his heart and it was not known at the time if it would rectify on it's own. If down the road something unexpected came up health wise for one of your children and help was needed...for sure you would help them no matter thier age. Marta, you have been concerned with Ryan and learning but you do not hesitate to go to counceling and hire extra help to ensure he is able to recieve a helping hand.
Melinda, you are now a grandmother and Jordan and Jenn needed help with something and if they did not recieve this help it would negatively impact your grandchildren...you would do the best you could to prevent such a thing. This also holds true to our mother and our children's grandmother. It was mentioned by our mother because of ideas brought up by her children, that there be a possibility that government housing be an option for me and my children. Have any of you considered the ramifications of such an idea? Do you think it is in the best interest for Zoe who is so negatively impacted by change to be moved out of school districts and away from what comforts and soothes her and has given her the ability to grow in tremendous ways in her school system? Do you think it is in the best interest for Ava who is very outgoing and energetic to be around an environment that will most likely be ridden with gangs, violence, drugs...and learn the behavior to be normal? Do you think with my health that my heart could tolerate this pain? Does it matter anything to you the well being of your sister and your neices? Because I am sure it matters to mom. And let me reiterate...I am reaching out for help because I have found myself in poor health and in the midst of a bitter divorce. I believe this can be worked out and not negatively impact any of us but rather be a wonderful opportunity for me to claim my independance from an abusive man and be a stepping stone for a positive future for my children and I.***
As far as what my finances will be in 10 years when Zoe turns 18...I believe a lot of changes will occur between now and then. It is not something you nor I could predict...just as it is certain that none of you will be able to predict your finances and living situation in 10 years time. I do know this, I have a S.S. hearing in the works. I am entitled to Wayne's married military pension when the time comes. I do know he is highly respected as Sergant by his comrads, his nation, and his family being a military man. I know the job offers him steady pay, benefits, opportunity to progress and climb the ladder, and it gives him constant change that he being ADHD needs to succeed in life. I know that when things for me are cleared by my doctors that I will be able to seek employment when the time comes. I also know that, I am a grown woman and there is only a choice to be made by mom and at this time of difficulty in my life that I would hope she, a loving family member and friend, would help me out in the way that she is able-- agreeing that the help recieved is temporary and a great stepping stone to moving on with my life and the lives of my children through the next stage of our lives.
4) I would hope Marta that you would reconsider your part as executor. I believe you remain to be the one sister that helps ensure our family ties are not broken and in fairness your heart can see past certain aspects of apparent bitterness that is evidently held on to for many years whether right or wrong....knowing fully well, there are many sides to this family dynamic. If it is truly something you desire to pass the torch on, perhaps it is too "close" for any family member to handle with the business side of it without everyone getting so emotional and perhaps it would be in mom's best interest to hire an outside source to be made executor.
5) I want to say in my defense to all parties "no offense...but..." remarks. It should not be for us to compare our stories of who had the worst childhood. The reality is we all had very hard and trying...and one might say, darn up, childhoods. I know times were hard. There are definate things that weren't right for all of us. I know as we have grown that friendships and bonds have come, gone, been put to the way side, have concreted and been given more strength too, been a source of joy.... and so on. We all have our wounds and scars.
We are grown women who don't have to be and can CHOOSE not to be angry, hateful, bitter, cold, and despondant people to each other. We were children and even teens and young twenty somethings & it is a fact that these groups do not have the same reasoning as older people...it is scientically proven. None of how we acted out should be held against one another, nor our different set of circumstances for what ever reason be made a source of jealousy or hatred. I am living proof of how stress can ravage a body. It is time to heal. I can not be a part of a toxic environment. I have learned that from the 10 years I have been married to Wayne and through other life circumstances. It is not good for me, just as it is not good for any of you...nor mom.
Mom's grow older and things change. Now that we are all mom's we know how our bond is with our own children. Everyone has hopes of how thier end years on this earth will be and what thier desires, if they should be unable to verbalize them clearly, will be when the time comes. Mom and dad may have let us all down in one way or another and such as it were...very severely at times but I know with all sincerity even through the hurt and pain that we can all say that we love our mom and dad...even so. It would be my hope that when mom's mind does start to falter (ok, so it's sometimes off as it is) that we can ALL come to do as mom desires. I again, do not want to lead anyone astray and have it be assumed that my intentions are to "sponge" off mom. That is far from truth. I do want mom to be happy and I know as things are and because of our estranged relationships that this does not make her happy. I would like to think that family is always there for one another and helps each other out when one needs help and lifts each other up when encouragment it needed.
I am at a place in time where I need help and mom has reached out to me and I to her. It is with my very being and belief that I will indeed be able to do as mom and I have talked about and make this a very temporary loan. I hope you all can understand this and be hopeful of these positive changes.
And again, I want to reiterate.... mom has divulged certain desires, I assume, to each of us and maybe we don't all know her truest desires and wishes she has for herself at this time and the years ahead. I hope as it is we can all respect her now and forever more, so help us God, in Jesus' name I do so pray. Amen.
-Thank you for listening and having an open mind.
Your sister,
Gretchen
I have not sent it yet....just in case I should decide to make any modifications.....
Hello,
I'd like to be able to convey my part at this time.
1) To me this has not been a sudden occurance. Wayne filed for divorce in October 2009...5 months after my first heart attack. I am not sure exactly when it was, but not soon after that, mom mentioned the idea of us living together. She said, she did not want to live in a nursing home and would prefer to live with me. I said, I wouldn't mind having another adult in the house and I was open to the idea.
Mom would call me when she saw houses she wanted to look at and we would go look trying to keep in mind a place for Melinda (because mom said she needs a "home base") and a place for me and my children. I voiced my concerns with mom and said, I would of course pay an agreed upon price to help cover the costs of living there. Mom was looking at homes that were similar in price to what her condo payment is. I also voiced that I was rather uneasy about the family dynamics of such an arrangement...knowing this was to surely upset 2 of the 3 sisters and she was just as concerned about upsetting her daughters.
I also voiced the concern that I was uncomfortable with the fact that if she were to go to a nursing home or die suddenly, my ability to pay a mortgage of her size, and I and my children would be out in the streets again. I would mention staying in this home and mom would sometimes entertain the idea. I said, we could put french doors up on the library and the back portion could be her area to get away if she wanted to. This was mentioned to Melinda and Melinda's response was that she wanted to park a camper on the lot and pay the electric bill for the household. It was just something that was being talked about and considered. Mom and I both talked about the positive aspects of living together...how it would help her as well as myself.
After getting closer to the end of my divorce-which was last fall-- and not finding any homes that mom was particular to and the added concern of speaking her desires to Johanna and Marta, we would talk about perhaps she would stay in her condo a bit longer and I told her that no matter where I was, I would always have a room for her when she becomes "old and senile," I would say in a lighthearted manner. She said she didn't expect me to take care of her and I told her that you are my mother and I will take care of you as long as I am able...if you are no longer able to walk or need more care than I can provide...then it would be time to seek a nursing home. She agreed.
I would tell her things as they would happen to me, like the time I saw an old lady with her daughter out for soup when I had to take Zoe to Monroe to deal with her crowded molars. The old lady stopped at our table and smiled but did not speak. I told her she was looking good and smiled at her. She touched my hand as if to say, "Look what I can do." And she very slowly and gingerly bent down and touched her toes. I said, "Wow! And you are limber too!" Her daughter thanked me and I said, "We enjoyed her visit."
They then went to the next shop over to the chocolate shop and had hot cocoa and Zoe and I went over there too to get an icecream. I heard the daughter saying to her mom, "You like coming to places where you know people?" And the mother nodded her head yes and smiled. I told mom about this trip and told her, I would take her out for soup and hot cocoa and to places she would recognize when her mind started to go...which mom is greatly concerned about happening...not soon...but eventually. Mom said the life in which I speak of sounds like a nice little quaint life.
The house I am looking at has a ground floor bedroom next to the bathroom in which I would make mom's when the time comes if that is her desire as she has continually spoken of to me. I would feel safer in a home that fits my budget so when the time does come...I and my children are not in jeapordy of loosing our home due to circumstances.
We all know mom has trouble voicing her thoughts to anyone especially if she feels it may hurt feelings or rock the boat. She was unable to stand up for herself in a marriage that continually was a source of severe verbal abuse and was herself a hapless victim of a very difficult childhood. But I feel I must intercede or interject and make you aware of yet another layer to this story. I see great similarities to her story and mine in regards to our marriages and we have shared stories and she has read some of a book I recently bought to help me understand the abuse and when to recognize it so it won't happen again. It has been very helpful.
2) I would like to clear up some things regarding the temporary loan. It has now come down to the wire that my divorce should be finalized according to what I was told by the end of May ***but the sale of the house should happen immediately.*** I must have a plan of action. At first mom said she would help keep this house and I was under the impression she would move in sooner than later. Well, mom I think is struggling with what she wants to do at this point. I believe she wants to stay at her condo for a little while longer. This than made it more apparent that I, myself, would not be able to stay in this home.
So mom and I were looking at other homes for me and my children. When we would look at homes that were in my budget, I would say, and when it's time, here is where you can stay and Melinda can stay here. We were looking at a home right next to Dawn's and sat down with the bank to talk about a loan. Because of my credit at this time, I was not able to qualify but the bank loan officer adviced me that with doing certain steps I could get my credit back up in about 6 or so months. Realizing I do not have 6 or so months to get there since the divorce is coming down to the wire...mom said she would get the loan. I mentioned that I would want to do a rent to own or something such as, so the house would be mine. The sooner the better and all would ride decisively on the sale of my house and the matter of equity it is able to pull in.
I saw Dawn right after we looked at the house next to hers when Zoe was selling girl scout cookies at the pizza shop. I told her I saw the house next to hers. That's when she told me, no, come look at mine, mine is better. So I told mom and we went and looked and liked what we saw and the price was manageable. In order to rest our minds at ease, we sought out a free HUD service to go over the budget. It was told to us that not only could I afford to live there but I would have extra income at my disposal in case a maintenance issue arose or if I needed it for car payments in the future. (I do not owe on my current van.)
My strategy is as follows. Wayne and I currently owe 56K on this house. We have 2 interested parties as it is. One offer of 115K that was offered a couple of years ago and that was before a new boiler, water softner, painting of 3 rooms, and full carpet redone in the full upstairs rooms. I understand the housing market is a buyers market these days but feel even if we are low balled and accept 115K we will still get a decent amount of equity to split.
Also, Wayne's recent appraisal came in at 158K and mine at 138K and a realitor I know I asked if Wayne's appraisal of 158k sounded high? Her response was, if it were her, she would start at 140K because it is in a very desirable location and the land is what makes it even more desirable...and she has been in the house for a tour. It is also my knowlege that when people caught wind of my potential moving I had several trucks/cars pull into my drive scoping out the house and asking if I was moving. Word travels fast in Winnebago. On my short strip of street alone--from Hyson's house to Cunningham road-- 4 houses have been sold within the last year and have MAJOR improvements done.
Keeping the above in mind. I would hope that the interested party or two or three would buy the house in short order. Even at the 115K offer I would be able to pay mom back every penny of the down payment and pay most of my debt down--like 95% + -- from medical bills... and I would take the advice of loan officer and get my credit up as soon as possible and buy out mom and get her off the mortgage. I would qualify for FAHA at that time and be able to get 3% rate I was told by loan officer. I would hope I could do this within the year, year and a half...
3) I would like to make it clear that mom does not support me financially. I am living off of child support, Wayne is responsible for the mortgage, and I qualify for medicaid, food stamps, and utility assistance. Talking with Dawn and going over thier budget has enabled me to hone in what the actual cost of living there would entail and I was able to come up with my own budget of cost of living for the girls and I, month to month. It is an arm and a leg differance compared to the current home I live in. It makes a world of difference and makes it affordable to live and have extra in the end.
My understanding is that when the cabin was sold everyone was gifted 10k. I was not given my portion because mom wanted to make sure that Wayne could not get to it. We were told by my lawyer that since the divorce papers have been filed and it is a gift to me solely, that indeed he would have NO claims to it. Yet mom has not made it available. When I need money to pay say, my lawyer, mom writes a check out but all of this is documented and deducted from the 10 k I am owed. If it would make it easier for the executor and avoid unnecessary paperwork....then know, we can work it out where the rest of what is owed to me be placed into my account and there would be no harm done.
With this being said, I did tell mom to give me the rest of the money that is owed to me because I needed to move on with my life because I needed to make a move immediately since it has now become apparent that my house will be getting showed and sold in the VERY near future--***a realitor could be scheduled this week, I am at the mercy of the courts. And was told if things aren't spotless by this week, I could be kicked out. I managed to buy myself a month at best I THINK in clearing the house out when I told my lawyer it was possible that I and my children will have a home to go to by the 15th of April. It has been talked about to Wayne that it would be in both our interests to give me that time to clear out so when the house does get showed it is in it's best condition without my things and pets here so we could get the most for it. And he agreed. Another court hearing is scheduled for the 24th to go over more details for status.***
It has been very hard emotionally and physically to be put in a situation where I am told I will be helped, understanding the elements of said temporary loan, and constantly have the threat of homelessness for me and my children weigh heavy on my shoulders when said agreement---is at first, happily arrived at by mother and daughter---but then given and taken away several times because of complications and according to our mother, "is not really about money." Even so, I believe it plays a huge part. I want you to know I am not interested in "sponging" off of mom. I don't believe that is what is happening here when we both made the arrangement of temporary loan.
***I would like you to consider your own children at this time and realize not all circumstances that occur for them will necessitate an equal amount of help that you should be made to pay a dime for a dime in thier life time. Melinda, you understand that Stephan has struggles and maybe more so then his siblings and may need extra support throughout his life. This does not make Jordan or Megan resent her for helping thier brother. Johanna, at one point Collin had a hole in his heart and it was not known at the time if it would rectify on it's own. If down the road something unexpected came up health wise for one of your children and help was needed...for sure you would help them no matter thier age. Marta, you have been concerned with Ryan and learning but you do not hesitate to go to counceling and hire extra help to ensure he is able to recieve a helping hand.
Melinda, you are now a grandmother and Jordan and Jenn needed help with something and if they did not recieve this help it would negatively impact your grandchildren...you would do the best you could to prevent such a thing. This also holds true to our mother and our children's grandmother. It was mentioned by our mother because of ideas brought up by her children, that there be a possibility that government housing be an option for me and my children. Have any of you considered the ramifications of such an idea? Do you think it is in the best interest for Zoe who is so negatively impacted by change to be moved out of school districts and away from what comforts and soothes her and has given her the ability to grow in tremendous ways in her school system? Do you think it is in the best interest for Ava who is very outgoing and energetic to be around an environment that will most likely be ridden with gangs, violence, drugs...and learn the behavior to be normal? Do you think with my health that my heart could tolerate this pain? Does it matter anything to you the well being of your sister and your neices? Because I am sure it matters to mom. And let me reiterate...I am reaching out for help because I have found myself in poor health and in the midst of a bitter divorce. I believe this can be worked out and not negatively impact any of us but rather be a wonderful opportunity for me to claim my independance from an abusive man and be a stepping stone for a positive future for my children and I.***
As far as what my finances will be in 10 years when Zoe turns 18...I believe a lot of changes will occur between now and then. It is not something you nor I could predict...just as it is certain that none of you will be able to predict your finances and living situation in 10 years time. I do know this, I have a S.S. hearing in the works. I am entitled to Wayne's married military pension when the time comes. I do know he is highly respected as Sergant by his comrads, his nation, and his family being a military man. I know the job offers him steady pay, benefits, opportunity to progress and climb the ladder, and it gives him constant change that he being ADHD needs to succeed in life. I know that when things for me are cleared by my doctors that I will be able to seek employment when the time comes. I also know that, I am a grown woman and there is only a choice to be made by mom and at this time of difficulty in my life that I would hope she, a loving family member and friend, would help me out in the way that she is able-- agreeing that the help recieved is temporary and a great stepping stone to moving on with my life and the lives of my children through the next stage of our lives.
4) I would hope Marta that you would reconsider your part as executor. I believe you remain to be the one sister that helps ensure our family ties are not broken and in fairness your heart can see past certain aspects of apparent bitterness that is evidently held on to for many years whether right or wrong....knowing fully well, there are many sides to this family dynamic. If it is truly something you desire to pass the torch on, perhaps it is too "close" for any family member to handle with the business side of it without everyone getting so emotional and perhaps it would be in mom's best interest to hire an outside source to be made executor.
5) I want to say in my defense to all parties "no offense...but..." remarks. It should not be for us to compare our stories of who had the worst childhood. The reality is we all had very hard and trying...and one might say, darn up, childhoods. I know times were hard. There are definate things that weren't right for all of us. I know as we have grown that friendships and bonds have come, gone, been put to the way side, have concreted and been given more strength too, been a source of joy.... and so on. We all have our wounds and scars.
We are grown women who don't have to be and can CHOOSE not to be angry, hateful, bitter, cold, and despondant people to each other. We were children and even teens and young twenty somethings & it is a fact that these groups do not have the same reasoning as older people...it is scientically proven. None of how we acted out should be held against one another, nor our different set of circumstances for what ever reason be made a source of jealousy or hatred. I am living proof of how stress can ravage a body. It is time to heal. I can not be a part of a toxic environment. I have learned that from the 10 years I have been married to Wayne and through other life circumstances. It is not good for me, just as it is not good for any of you...nor mom.
Mom's grow older and things change. Now that we are all mom's we know how our bond is with our own children. Everyone has hopes of how thier end years on this earth will be and what thier desires, if they should be unable to verbalize them clearly, will be when the time comes. Mom and dad may have let us all down in one way or another and such as it were...very severely at times but I know with all sincerity even through the hurt and pain that we can all say that we love our mom and dad...even so. It would be my hope that when mom's mind does start to falter (ok, so it's sometimes off as it is) that we can ALL come to do as mom desires. I again, do not want to lead anyone astray and have it be assumed that my intentions are to "sponge" off mom. That is far from truth. I do want mom to be happy and I know as things are and because of our estranged relationships that this does not make her happy. I would like to think that family is always there for one another and helps each other out when one needs help and lifts each other up when encouragment it needed.
I am at a place in time where I need help and mom has reached out to me and I to her. It is with my very being and belief that I will indeed be able to do as mom and I have talked about and make this a very temporary loan. I hope you all can understand this and be hopeful of these positive changes.
And again, I want to reiterate.... mom has divulged certain desires, I assume, to each of us and maybe we don't all know her truest desires and wishes she has for herself at this time and the years ahead. I hope as it is we can all respect her now and forever more, so help us God, in Jesus' name I do so pray. Amen.
-Thank you for listening and having an open mind.
Your sister,
Gretchen
Orchy, I've had good luck cochin roosters. Mine have all been laid back.......I had a RIR, Jersey Giant and Brahma/Cochin rooster who all 3 wore the feathers off the girls backs and heads.
I like keeping roosters with my hens, so I have almost all of them wearing chicken saddles and I remove any rooster who is too "active". My two current boys are a LF cochin and a LF Blue Wheaten Ameraucana. The cochin is top rooster and the more gentle breeder. The ameraucana is a spaz.....and can be a bit rough with the girls. But not too bad. And he's for sale anyways
I find the big "active" roosters are harder on the girls. Pick a more laid back breed.....like cochin, orp......It doesnt all have to do with size....some of my smaller roosters did more damage because they were constanting chasing the hens and grabbing them on the run....feathers would fly everywhere.
I like keeping roosters with my hens, so I have almost all of them wearing chicken saddles and I remove any rooster who is too "active". My two current boys are a LF cochin and a LF Blue Wheaten Ameraucana. The cochin is top rooster and the more gentle breeder. The ameraucana is a spaz.....and can be a bit rough with the girls. But not too bad. And he's for sale anyways
I find the big "active" roosters are harder on the girls. Pick a more laid back breed.....like cochin, orp......It doesnt all have to do with size....some of my smaller roosters did more damage because they were constanting chasing the hens and grabbing them on the run....feathers would fly everywhere.
- Mar 14, 2011
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Maple, I like your letter! Sounds like a good way to deal with the family drama llamas. It's out there, they can't talk over you and it's clear.
Painted my toenails black and used a matte top coat. I like it. Quite a lot. I'm wearing sandals to show 'em off. Otherwise, back to the fun of the drama llamas at work.
Painted my toenails black and used a matte top coat. I like it. Quite a lot. I'm wearing sandals to show 'em off. Otherwise, back to the fun of the drama llamas at work.
Quote:
what kind of comb does he have?
Single comb?
what kind of comb does he have?
Single comb?
- Jun 11, 2007
- 12,148
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Mornin' Algae, mornin' Boo. I have to go back and read all of Maple's letter once I get my coffee. Have to avoid my snarky Office Mgr though - joy.
Good morning!
Maple, I haven't finished reading your letter all the way yet, sounding good though.
Pictures of your toenails algae?
Do you get to wear sandals to work?
Maple, I haven't finished reading your letter all the way yet, sounding good though.
Pictures of your toenails algae?
Do you get to wear sandals to work?
Good morning buffy!
- Mar 14, 2011
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How do I post pictures? As for ok or not, there are people walking around wearing flip flops so I think my low heeled dressy ones are pretty much ok
The stoopid drama llamas are spitting already this morning. I'm about to get that llama flash card.
The stoopid drama llamas are spitting already this morning. I'm about to get that llama flash card.
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