"Trade my junk for your junk!"
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Date: 2011-08-11, 9:03PM CDT
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Hey I was lookin' round the house today and said , "man, I"ve got a lot of junk." Now I did not mean this in a bad way,as I myself am a firm supporter of junk...hehe i said firm...Anywho, even though I do so love my junk I believe it is time for a change of view, so here is what junk i have to offer for yours......
Two, I repeat, TWO bad XXX busted up broke weedeaters
The first one is a Craftsman weed whacker Gas line trimmer. It will crank up (as of two weeks ago) and run as long as you dont wanna use it. As soon as you pull the trigger it burps and passes out (just like uncle Whatshisnuts!). Personally , I use it to show off to my friends... I'm all like " Yeah, that's right. I got two weed eaters... how many you got?" and they're all like, "Dude this guy is awsome..." and I am content
As for the second one
The GT 2000 ECHO ,echo,echo,echo,echo...e....well it has a dirty little secret, if by secret,I meant carborator..... Oh and it's great on those really hot days cause it spews gas upon every attemp at starting it ( and you gotta love that cool feeling as soon as gas touches your skin, right?) Some people claim its bad for the environment to which I claim " This is Amirka!!!!" in response.
Oh My God ! Let There Be Light!!!!
Do the police often show up at your door late at night because you are outside screaming obscenaties at your keys because it is dark and you cant find the hole? (typical male problem) BLAM! Problem solved!You can now rest easy because I've two, yeah thats right,TWO Sunset Collection Outdoor Porch Lights.Brand new in an unopened box! while everyone else is sitting around with their dimmly lit front doors, your home can shine with the brightness of a thousand suns with double the light they could ever have . Hurry! Get them now, tonight, before it's too late!
Or Maybe...
Your problems dont lie outside. Maybe you walk around with Tina Turner glasses and make up stories about an abusive spouse because your a lying little xxxxx and because you dont have a bad xxx hanging indoor light on a pimptastic fake brass chain,...heh?...sound familiar?..... also brand spankin' new in the box I might add. It's sure to be the light of the party... see what I did right thar? Brought to you by Hampton Bay Lighting Company.
Or Maybe...
Ok , who are we kidding, your a wild man and cant afford a house... Dont worry, I still got ya lit up with this million of a kind 18v Dewalt portable flashlight! Works great for when Things get scary under your bridge..er...house..er ...shelter at night. Come with a battery and a brand new Mustang!! ding ding ding... na ... just joshin... its a charger. Wall outlet and electricity not included.
Ok so now...
So you can see now but what about that can o' pork and beans you've been eyeing for a week now? Well heat them up with this unopened 8oz can of flame in a bottle!!!! It's 70% butane and 30%propane and 100% awsome!!!! Comes with a Mountain Safety Research screw on burner! Who says you cant have your beans and eat them too.... Also makes a great shooting target!
But maybe you're just not redneck enough...
Gotcha covered there too... well your head at least. This unworn GoodYear baseball cap is sure to do the trick ! Also, did I mention, IT'S CAMO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whatchu say cracka? Thats right... CAMO! Bam, said it again... The Ufo's will never see you from above now, not with this invisabilty cloak!
For the monster truck....
Did you ever wonder what happens when you blow a tire? You get black lips! hardy har har but seriously , dont try that. This can of Air Up brand big tire inflatorand sealant might help you out long enough to at least reach civilization. It dosn't "inflate" other "things" believe me ... there used to be 2 cans.
Do you own a small fortune in spare change?
Too lazy to roll all tose pennies or dont own some child slave? Dont wanna pay a robot to do it either? This Money Miser brand change counter sorts,counts, and wraps coins for free! And it was made in the good ol' U S of A (which probably would explain why it cant count that well) Comes with lots of wrappers.
When you get it cashed...
Do you have a theivin' xxx roommate? Hide your money in the wall!... No i dont mean go cut a hole in your wall... you would never get your money back. But what if you had a safe? One that looked like a plug -in outlet? He/She wouldnt even know where to start! Dont have any money? its ok "you can hide your xxxx in there"
Scare the xxxx outta some kids...
Halloweens just around the corner and your too old to go trick or treating. Here's a strapless welding mask to put on your face, thats it. OOGA BOOGA BOOGA and tiny kids will give it up like >snap< that! Or you could weld with it too i guess.
Or Become More Like Thor
With the Power Pro 3500 by wen power you can live in the woods! Get this generator , put in four gallons of gasoline and go... Make some backstraps and rig up some chains and you could be like that dude from iron man! what what? Dude i don't care what you do with it just trade with me ... but it does work..... for real
Im hoping to trade like a million things in a span of a few years and eventually get a car yo. But since this is this case , I dont have a car right now. so i cant really get outside of abbeville. but i am willing to walk to just about anywhere in this town so yeah. I know , I know itll be like 2030 by the time i get a car but hey ill have a future car car someday right? So thats all the junk i have right now so if you have any junk you wanna trade for my junk or any junk you just dont want anymore hit me up thanks thanks thanks
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