Old Boyfriend Looking for ME!

[fowltemptress]

I don't see the big deal. If he acts like he's sniffing you out for availability after a bit of talking, you can walk away at that point. Just assuming the worst right off the bat seems strange, especially since he was a good enough friend to invite to the wedding. The only reason not to is if you doubt your own faithfulness . . . otherwise, I'd think it pretty rude to not respond at all.

Wait . . . serious and passionate? Depending on what you mean by that, it may not be a good idea to establish a continued communication with him, but an email saying "Hi, it was good hearing from you, I'm glad you're well, and my husband and I wish you luck in the rest of your life." isn't going to hurt anything. Then you can start ignoring him.

 

[Fay at Frizzled Feathers]

I know how you feel , but its the not knowing why, is what gets you !

It could be a good thing then again maybe not such a great idea nobody can decide that for you except you yourself.

In my experience it was the worst thing i could of done , i should of ignored it and let it stay the past !

Whatever you decide , hope all goes well !

Fay

 

[Mahonri]

Quote:
AMEN!

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
AMEN!

Even if it is innocent, think how you would feel if a very passionate ex from your hubby's past contacted him. I know it would hurt me if Ken went ahead and responded.

 

[Crystalchic]

Not me
maybe he needs a kidney

 

[Crystalchic]

Not me as in
I would talk to him

 

[CrystalsRoo]

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

 

[Germaine_11.20]

It took him 20 years to try and find you? Hmmm that sounds like he has recently made some "life changes" and is looking for something now.
It is a good feeling to know that someone thinks enough of you (or thought enough of you) to look you up. Flattering.
Unless you are ready to face temptation, rock solid marriage or not, leave this one alone.
What will you gain? My guess is you will end up with more "what if's" than you have now.
You made a choice years ago. Getting in contact with this person will have you end up making comparisons whether you want to or not.

 

[fowltemptress]

Wouldn't hurt me, but I can understand that others may have less reason to trust their SO's. Everyone has different levels of temptation that they're liable to cave under. For my SO, it's buying junk. I'll watch him like a dog while he's looking on craigslist, but when he talks to old flames I don't blink an eye. If he ever tried contacting one without telling me, though, some alarms certainly would go off. If you ever feel like what you're doing can't be shared with your SO, that's a pretty good sign to stop doing what you're doing.

This is curious, though. Am I to understand that most people on here are not friends with any of their exes?

 

[Eggs4Sale]

If you have to ask.....

...... then you shouldn't do it.

I don't care how you back up the 'it could be safe' scenarios. There are red flags, and the first was how "passionate" your relationship was, the second is that you're "flattered". There were, oh, 20 or so red flags after that.

I agree with the previous poster who said that, after 20 years of no contact, it sounds like he has had a life change, i.e. divorce or separation. If you're interested in one of those for yourself, by all means, go ahead.

Sure, tell your husband about the e-mail. Then tell him the real reason you're thinking of contacting this guy.

It reminds me of little kids and men with lost puppies. A man with a lost puppy will never ask a kid to help him find the lost puppy. A grown man will ask other adults to help him.
Don't think this guy is trying to contact you for a kidney, or help, or advise. He hasn't in 20 years.