Parents- curious about your oppinons

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Until then, what about taking a job of some sort? The reason I suggest it is not just 'in general' but in a specifically child-related way:

If you DO have kids, then if heaven forbid something should happen to your husband, it would be REALLY REALLY valuable to have more of a resume. It is quite hard for someone who's been out of the job market a while to get back in, get a decent job and be able to support or even just partially-support a family -- it is VERY VERY much harder (and honestly, not always possible) if you haven't got much prior experience of the working world (pre-children). Not just in terms of you, but I mean, largely in terms of simply your ability to GET a decent job.

Just a thought to ponder,

Pat

Pat, that is nice things to ponder about but I have personal reasons I don't work and don't drive.
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We live at home with my parents (technically just my mother as my dad is a truck driver) we rent from them, and I do all the house work, hubby and I both help with the yard work summer/winter. I have issues with social anxiety, as well as a slight learning disability--my symptoms seem almost like aspergers syndrome however I've not talked to my doctor about getting diagnosed for it. I am a very normal (you wouldnt really notice that anything is abnormal about me im meaning- except probaly my anxiety) and sweet person, however I have my faults two of which are the two above. I know I'd be a great mother and I know that hubby would be a great father. I have worked, and i've attempted to drive- I have problems staying focused when driving and both my mom and my husband are hoping that I avoid driving for as long as possible. I dno't like revealing my issues because of the fact that people may automatically think I shouldnt have children which is very hurtful to think that people may think that way however I have a lot to give a child. My mom also has lupus, and that's a key reason why we still live here (along with other reasons- we have 3 acres here, and I personally dont want to move away from here) she works full time, however theres been several times we've had to rush her to the ER because of heart and lung problems, her kidneys are also working on renal failure issues...if im not here she comes home to no one because my dad is gone mostly 3 weeks out of every month sometimes a full month to over a month. She also has a blood disorder that is managed by blood thinners, and shes' already bled so bad that it took 8 pts of blood to save her life. Not to mention she has a growth deformity in her brain that puts pressure on her spinal chord...so if shes' ever hit in the head with enough force (falling etc) she could die instantly. When I'm with my mom and someone asks what I do, she butts in sweetly and says "she's my caregiver"
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. Makes me feel good because otherwise I have nothing to say other than taking care of my animals, I feel awkward talking to people in person about my mom....not to mention it makes me get a little upset.
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So yes I don't drive I explained the reason for that...i'd rather live and rather not get into a wreck and hurt someone accidentally. I don't work because almost any job i've applied to they've thrown me on the register and my learning disability comes into play. I don't think mathmatically....ofcourse I can count, add and subtract....I can reasonably multiply, but i start getting really rusty on division, and even a simple cash register for some reason I mess it up everytime even when I think im on a roll i find out later I was short or had too much....was accused of stealing, and was almost fired because of it. I'd happily work on a farm, training horses and cleaning stalls and what not, however have to drive to get there and I really know I'm not equiped to drive atleast yet in my life. Nope no bus or taxi out here in the boonies by the way.
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That's the reason on this post that I asked only about age and financial aspects because I didn't want to get into the other aspects (like how i dont drive or work) and the fact that we still live "at home". However I personally feel that that's really unimportant stuff because I don't think it will bea problem. Ofcourse I can lose my husband esp in the job he's in, however I don't dwell on those things, if worst comes to worst my parents would bend over backwards to help us financially and they have in the past. Anyones husband or wife could die at any moment, and I more than most know about that all too well that live is precious andnot to waste any minute espcially how much i've already almost lost my mother who is my best friend. However, every stay at home mother shouldnt stay at home then if that's the case. Is how I look at it. Also not to be thinking of these things but since we're on the subject if my husband dies on the job, his job pays hefty just put it that way. My brother in law lost his pinky finger on the job, and was given $50,000 (he does the same thing my husband does) from the company to compinsate.

So im rambling.... and I really feel weird posting this, however I guess I better explain it all somewhat.
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I wish I could drive without the problems i've faced, and i wish I could find the perfect job. HOwever if not, my perfect job will be being a mother....i'd rather be amother than work work....as that's a job in itself. I have nothing against stay at home moms they work just as hard as anyone else does.
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Niki
 
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thank you! I surely will be PMing you about cloth diaper info
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As for a baby refusing to breast feed that was me as a baby, and insteadof my mom pumping, she put me on formula which I got major collic from.... if that was me, i'd pump like you did.
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Niki
 
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Amen
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Double and Triple amen!

My husband and I got married at 22 and 23 respectively. We decided a handful of months later that we wanted to be able to retire early (ha) and since we were already feeling like old farts at such a young age... why not have kids. We didn't make much, but you always figure out a way to float by. Be prepared for the unpreparable! If that makes any sense...
 
My husband and I have been together 17 years he was 36 and I 21 when we had our one and only "homemade" child but I do have 4 step kids and 5 step grand kids. Age doesnt matter.
 
Quote:
Until then, what about taking a job of some sort? The reason I suggest it is not just 'in general' but in a specifically child-related way:

If you DO have kids, then if heaven forbid something should happen to your husband, it would be REALLY REALLY valuable to have more of a resume. It is quite hard for someone who's been out of the job market a while to get back in, get a decent job and be able to support or even just partially-support a family -- it is VERY VERY much harder (and honestly, not always possible) if you haven't got much prior experience of the working world (pre-children). Not just in terms of you, but I mean, largely in terms of simply your ability to GET a decent job.

Just a thought to ponder,

Pat

Pat, that is nice things to ponder about but I have personal reasons I don't work and don't drive.
smile.png
We live at home with my parents (technically just my mother as my dad is a truck driver) we rent from them, and I do all the house work, hubby and I both help with the yard work summer/winter. I have issues with social anxiety, as well as a slight learning disability--my symptoms seem almost like aspergers syndrome however I've not talked to my doctor about getting diagnosed for it. I am a very normal (you wouldnt really notice that anything is abnormal about me im meaning- except probaly my anxiety) and sweet person, however I have my faults two of which are the two above. I know I'd be a great mother and I know that hubby would be a great father. I have worked, and i've attempted to drive- I have problems staying focused when driving and both my mom and my husband are hoping that I avoid driving for as long as possible. I dno't like revealing my issues because of the fact that people may automatically think I shouldnt have children which is very hurtful to think that people may think that way however I have a lot to give a child. My mom also has lupus, and that's a key reason why we still live here (along with other reasons- we have 3 acres here, and I personally dont want to move away from here) she works full time, however theres been several times we've had to rush her to the ER because of heart and lung problems, her kidneys are also working on renal failure issues...if im not here she comes home to no one because my dad is gone mostly 3 weeks out of every month sometimes a full month to over a month. She also has a blood disorder that is managed by blood thinners, and shes' already bled so bad that it took 8 pts of blood to save her life. Not to mention she has a growth deformity in her brain that puts pressure on her spinal chord...so if shes' ever hit in the head with enough force (falling etc) she could die instantly. When I'm with my mom and someone asks what I do, she butts in sweetly and says "she's my caregiver"
smile.png
. Makes me feel good because otherwise I have nothing to say other than taking care of my animals, I feel awkward talking to people in person about my mom....not to mention it makes me get a little upset.
smile.png


So yes I don't drive I explained the reason for that...i'd rather live and rather not get into a wreck and hurt someone accidentally. I don't work because almost any job i've applied to they've thrown me on the register and my learning disability comes into play. I don't think mathmatically....ofcourse I can count, add and subtract....I can reasonably multiply, but i start getting really rusty on division, and even a simple cash register for some reason I mess it up everytime even when I think im on a roll i find out later I was short or had too much....was accused of stealing, and was almost fired because of it. I'd happily work on a farm, training horses and cleaning stalls and what not, however have to drive to get there and I really know I'm not equiped to drive atleast yet in my life. Nope no bus or taxi out here in the boonies by the way.
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That's the reason on this post that I asked only about age and financial aspects because I didn't want to get into the other aspects (like how i dont drive or work) and the fact that we still live "at home". However I personally feel that that's really unimportant stuff because I don't think it will bea problem. Ofcourse I can lose my husband esp in the job he's in, however I don't dwell on those things, if worst comes to worst my parents would bend over backwards to help us financially and they have in the past. Anyones husband or wife could die at any moment, and I more than most know about that all too well that live is precious andnot to waste any minute espcially how much i've already almost lost my mother who is my best friend. However, every stay at home mother shouldnt stay at home then if that's the case. Is how I look at it. Also not to be thinking of these things but since we're on the subject if my husband dies on the job, his job pays hefty just put it that way. My brother in law lost his pinky finger on the job, and was given $50,000 (he does the same thing my husband does) from the company to compinsate.

So im rambling.... and I really feel weird posting this, however I guess I better explain it all somewhat.
smile.png
I wish I could drive without the problems i've faced, and i wish I could find the perfect job. HOwever if not, my perfect job will be being a mother....i'd rather be amother than work work....as that's a job in itself. I have nothing against stay at home moms they work just as hard as anyone else does.
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Niki

I don't know if any of your family health or anxiety problems are genetic or not, so please don't take offense. I would consult with a geneticist before becoming pregnant to make sure the problems weren't passed on to children. Adopted children are just as precious as the ones we give birth to. JMHO
 
Ah, ok, sorry, I didn't intend at all to be prying
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-- I can certainly understand how life can sometimes be more complicated, especially if you need to hang around to help 'be backup' for your mother.

Not driving may be a difficulty unless there are other kids in your area... young kids really need other KIDS to play with on a frequent basis. But perhaps you live in a populous area and if not probably you can figure your way around it when you put your mind to it
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What about working from home? Even in a 'selling craft-y things' kind of way. I'm sorry, I don't mean at all to be getting on your case about it, it's just that if you're going to have kids you really need to do everything you can (IMO) to be able to provide for them. One's own parents are not going to be around forever, and most people who die prematurely *don't* die at work (so unless you have a LARGE LARGE life insurance policy, like enough to live on til the kids are out of the house, you'd be screwed). You'd be in a tough, tough position without having started, years ago, developing some skills and experiences to fall back on. Also, having some work of your own will give you a greater sense of confidence, not just for yourself but to pass on as a role model for your kids, to know that you could step up and take care of the family as best possible, no matter what happens.

Just a consideration,

Pat
 
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I don't know if any of your family health or anxiety problems are genetic or not, so please don't take offense. I would consult with a geneticist before becoming pregnant to make sure the problems weren't passed on to children. Adopted children are just as precious as the ones we give birth to. JMHO

yes lupus is genetic, usually skips a generation, but if i went off of that, then i might as well not have kids at all and I'm not about to do that. I have God on my side to guide me in any challenge I might come into on the genetic aspect. I would love to adopt someday but it's excrutiatingly expensive...and I'm not sure I'd be able to adopt a child since i dont drive to be honest...I know theres really dramatic rules to adopt.

also, my mom and dads blood types are i guess incompatable, so it's very rare that my brother and I were born i guess- but here we are.
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Oh believe me i completely respect your concerns and oppinons so please dont think that i don't.
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I am actually in the process of findinga work from home job. I'm actually thinking of a dog bakery....I was looking into licensing last night, but was hitting road block...because i wasn't finding much.
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I'm still looking though. I am also decient as an "artist" I guess...mostly with pencil, but im also pretty crafty creative so I do have options and have been looking into one that meshes well with me. I think i'd enjoy the most a bakery, and a supply online store for pets the most.
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I didnt mention that though since it's just a looking-into thing rightnow.
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NIki
 
These are difficult questions to answer, but I'll do my best.
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I think starting a family between 25-30 is a good bet, but doesn't work for everyone. I was much more sure of who I was at 28 (when I had my dd) that I was at 24.

Someone once told me we would never have children if we waited for the "right" time (money, housing, ect.). She was right, but you should be somewhat stable. Income isn't really the thing, it's how well you live on what you have.

As for your social anxiety-this is probably the biggest hurtle for you. I have an anxiety disorder, and have to keep it in check so that it isn't effecting my dd. I also have a friend with pretty severe social anxiety and her daughter is being negatively impacted by it. She doesn't take her out enough to play with other children, so when she does, her 2 year old dd acts like other children are going to attack her or something. You will need to work extra hard to not let your anxieties become your child's.

Children are so wonderful, but they really do change your life, and it's hard work being a parent
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