Parents- curious about your oppinons

[monarc23]

Hi all,
You guys are REAL parents here...what i mean by that is from what I have read you are all for the most part very wonderful parents, and are the type of parents that I think there should be more of. So with that said, I was curious what you all could tell me about becoming a parent. I would appreciate your personal oppinons.

What I mean by that is, if you could pick an age that adults should start considering/planning for a child and trying to conceive a child what would you PERSONALLY feel that age should be.

Also, how much minimum do you believe that a couple can make a year money wise to raise a child. Ofcourse everyone will have their oppinons on this and I am curious from every individual on here who wants to comment what their personal oppinon is.

Pushing aside the other important aspects, these two aspects I am most curious about. Anything else you can add as well that you feel is very important as well please add. I'm very opened to this whole thing and am curious what others believe, have experienced and feel is important to mention as well. I am 24 years old and married is all I will mention right now just so you all can know that im not a teen, and that I am in a stable wonderful marriage.

thanks for your time guys! Don't be afraid to tell it like it is this is what im asking for.

Niki

 

[RickiHupp]

I am 26 years old. I have 2 children and am not married. I think that a COUPLE should be on thier feet and be VERY stable. Age doesnt matter as much as maturness (sp?) and ability to raise a child.

I did it the WRONG was, I know....but wouldnt change it for the world

 

[debilorrah]

You will never be ready for a child, it comes along as they grow.

You will never make "enough" money to raise a child, you figure it out as you go.

You will never be old enough or have enough knowledge to raise a child, you figure it out as they grow.

You will never know what to expect, you will learn as you go.

There is no typical child, yours will be special and different and be their own person, nothing like anyone you have ever met.

That's my story and I'm stickin to it.

 

[RickiHupp]

Quote:
Amen

 

[willowcol]

Ah well good question that will be different for everyone. I was 16 when I had my daughter, way to young! I then had my son when I was 23 and another daughter at age 25. I believe the ages 23-30 are the easiest if you are ready to be a mom. I had alot more patients then. My Daughter then had my first grandson when she was 16 and I raised him til she finished Highschool. I was 32 and A grandmom wow! I felt more tired and had slightly less patients when he was running crazy then I did just a few years earlier, though he has ADHD and that maybe why. I believe that income to raise a child would have alot to do with the cost of living in the area you live. We live in eastern NC the cost of living is low in my area. My husband makes alittle over 40,000.00, I am a stay at home mom, I also homeschool my children. When my kids were born he made alot less and we always managed to provide for them well. I believe it is in how you decide to parent that matters more then money.

 

[MissPrissy]

If you base it on money you'll never have kids.

I have children from 21 years down to 2 years of age. I was a mother the first time at 20, second in my thirties and the 3rd time at 40. The older/more experienced you are the better you are equipped to be a parent.There really is a huge difference in your skills and outlook at different ages/stages of your life.

At 42 I finally feel qualified to be a parent. I am not and never have been my children's friend. Friends come and go. I am their mother. Their only mother. Nothing will ever change that. They NEED me to be the mother not their friend.

 

[LittleYellowOne]

I was actually talking with my mom about this the other day, as I'm very eager to have a children one day, though am not entirely sure if I want to get married or not...

To put it simply, my mother said if everyone waited until they had enough money to have a child, there'd be no children in the world~

And as for age, I agree it's more of a maturity thing (I'm not a parent, I'm just sharing). You don't start off a good parent, you become one through experience.

 

[patandchickens]

Quote:
<shrug> whenever seems sensible to them according to their wishes and what their lives are like at different times. Honestly, people have such different ideas about how they want life to go, and do such different things, I don't think you can say more than that.

It is often pretty much out of a person's hands anyhow. People fall unexpectedly pregnant; people turn out to have unexpected difficulties conceiving. To avoid too much disappointment due to the latter it might make sense to start before you're 30 or so (gives you a chance to see if problems develop and then a chance to try to fix them, before fertility and miscarriage rates go more strongly south)... BUT, see previous paragraph.

Also, how much minimum do you believe that a couple can make a year money wise to raise a child.

It takes next to no money to raise a child if you are really committed to raising a child... the only thing I'd stipulate is that you need to either be able to live on one income, or have a family member ready to do all your day care for you. ("Need" is not the right word. But, "it works one big huge heck of a lot better if you..." is probably not too strong a wording)

It *can* take a bit of money to *birth* a child, especially if complications arise. So, health insurance coverage issues can be big for many people (not here in Canada, but in the States). Not a total obstacle, but something to consider if you are on a shoestring and contemplating trying to get pregnant.

But beyond that, the vast majority of all the usual exorbitant "costs" of raising a kid that are quoted in the media these days are just discretionary luxuries. Hand-me-down and thrift-store clothes and toys work GREAT. Few people need to use formula. Cloth diapers are often (not always) cheaper to use, and some people even get by without using diapers at all, almost totally. If you're home with the kids you don't need child care. Canned babyfood is totally unnecessary. There are lots of free activities, they don't need expensive classes etc.

The only two expenses hard to avoid are extra food (even a 2 yr old can sometimes really pack it away! but unless you're already barely getting by on rice and beans, economizing can allow you to compensate) and medical expenses (which will depend largely on your insurance coverage and how much you like to take the kids to the Dr and medicate them... although luck plays a role too)

Even for food and medical care, where there's a will there's a way, if you are seriously dedicated to being a parent (a good one). If you are happy without much material goods, I'm not sure there's too much of a lower income cutoff.

The big things I would say about being a parent are:

1) It is wonderful.

2) Also it is very very HARD. You can no longer do what you want, and have to make sacrifices. Ideally you will feel this is worthwhile overall but that doesn't mean you will not resent it also, sometimes. But

3) it is THE most important job ever in the whole entire world, if you ask me, so you have to be willing to be serious about it, even when it sucks. FIND the wonderful parts, and do your absolute level best.

4) There are no perfect parents. Well ok maybe there are but in general most of us are just normal people doing the best we can but with bad days as well as good days. Do not go into it thinking that YOU, almost alone in the whole human race, are going to be a perfect parent. You're not. Deal with it now. That way you can focus on getting better on it, instead of beating yourself up about not being perfect

Good luck,

Pat​

 

[silkiechicken]

I'm not yet a parent. This is what I roughly plan on having before kids.

I wouldn't pick an age. I'll be ready when I'm ready. All I know now is that now is not the time, and next year is not the time, or the year after that. I'll think about it again on a sliding scale of years as I go.

As for finances. I will have a place to live that I can reasonably afford and be married. The collective finances will have to be stable. Meaning, if I broke my foot, got in an a small short term accident or had to have an emergency root canal on my crappy teeth, I won't have to pull a loan or break the bank over a 1-10k procedure. I'll have to be without debt other than house payments and not check to check. I can't put a number on this because the cost of living and cost of services varies. In other words, I think I'll be financially ready when I feel my way of life/living can support an extra copy of me being around, and not result in debt.

So in short, I can only decide myself what is right, and can't impose it upon others no matter how much I would like at times.

Can't make guidelines for others because there are 40 year old people with less maturity than some 14 year old kids I know, and that with all the people in the world, everyone has their own standards with what they are willing to live with and how much their live styles cost can vary greatly.

 

[monarc23]

I love the advice and personal experiences so far makes me smile.

Miss Prissy I love what you said about money. I've heard people say it somewhat like that before but never as perfectly as you've put it. Most just say "oh you'll never have enough for a child so just have one now!" I felt that that kind of responce wasn't a good one esp when we were only 19, however now at 24, I really am yearning to be a mother and what you said makes me feel more comfortable about trying to push money out of my concern. The idea of money just had me curious what other parents thought about it. It's also nice to "hear" that it sounds like 20's are a reasonable age to have a child possibly.

I think if anything, I'll be 25-26 before I (we hubby and I ofcourse) decide to try to concieve a child because first i'd want to ofcourse save up first atleast for hospital costs (we have insurance so that'll pay a lot of it but realistically i want to pay the co pay costs and such ofcourse).

I am a house wife, and my husband is making around 35,000 a year (with more raises on the way with the more he learns).

My mom had me at 16 years old, soon after she had a miscarriage then had my brother at 18. She was/is a wonderful mother and I'd deffinatly call her my best friend...no one else gets me like she does i just love her to death. So she used to be more my mom, but now she's more my best friend if that makes sense. Ofcourse my hubby is my best friend as well, I can deffinatly say you can have more than one best friend

.

Thank you so far for all the advice and oppinons given!