Parents who have full access to their kid's Facebook account?

[call ducks]

Quote:
I have facebook... don't like it that much so don't use it a lot. i have a cell but i pay for that and only have ever texted 2 people so far and called my parents. The only reason i have it is so i can go shopping in the mall while mom and dad are buying grocerys and be able to find them, or call them after exams, things like that.

Any ways.

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

Despite having 9 kids running around the house for the last few months, all of them managed to find private places to hide from siblings. Besides, more often than not, 14 y/o (the one who is the most concerned about her privacy, got me, the older boys so far don't seem to be over concerned like she is) is happiest if she got to go ride her horse in the woods. Go ahead, be my guest, wear your helmet. Found her many days packing a lunch and snacks and drinks to go take her horse out and just wander. Sure, she could be getting in trouble. But she comes back smelling like a sweaty kid and horse, the food is gone, the drinks are gone, and she's back to her happy self.

If asked, yes, they can have their door shut for a while. But all day, every day? No. With the computer in their room? No. With the television on? No.

As for door removal - so far, no one has tried closing their door needlessly. There has been one door removal, when 14 y/o got mad at DH because she couldn't go to a 10pm movie on a school night, threw a tantrum, then stomped off to her room and slammed the door. So since she couldn't use a door properly, she didn't have a door for a while. She got her door back later, she hasn't slammed a door since.

 

[saddina]

Quote:
In my case, we're litterly the only involved parents on the block. by involved I mean remotely aware of where thier children are.

Example, last spring we planned a family vacation, a week at disneyland, a trip to the opera, and some nice dinners. We gave them the option of an extra $100 spending money, or picking a friend to bring along. they choose to bring a buddy. Month before I get the friends school schedule, and pick the week. Schedule it all, let the kid know I need thier parents to call to confirm it all. and nada...

nothing

zilch

Kid swears they've told thier mother, and it's fine. week before we're supposed to go, I take the kid home and ask to talk to mom. Oh yes, it's fine, they said so a month ago, didn't child tell me?

Yes the mother was going to let a 13 yr old girl go away for a week and assume it's a trip with friends, because the kid said so. Mom didn't even have our cell numbers if there was a problem.

So since I know the other parents are at all interested in what's going on, and there's not guidence going on, I keep an eye so when something stupid does happen, my kid isn't involved.

 

[greeneggsandham]

Quote:
When I was a kid I didn't have a door on my bedroom. I turned out fine. My daughter only had her door shut when she was changing clothes and sleeping. The rest of the time the door was open.

Have you ever thought that the kids that like to have their doors shut all the are the ones who will be the next mass murders? Think about it. Kids behind the door on the computer plotting who they want to kill and when. No parental interaction because their son or daughter insists they should be allowed to shut and possible lock their doors.
Or maybe when the parents think their teen is taking a nap in the afternoon because their door is shut and locked; they are really down the road with some not so nice kids smoking dope and drinking.

And that's why you take doors off? You don't trust them? Kids need some of privacy, the only space in our house they have room to do that is in their own room. No tv no computer up there. Unless they are planning how to murder using a harry potter book I think they are quite safe.

I never said I took my daughter's door off.
But I worked for an adolescent treatment program for 9 years and out of every 10 kids that came in 9 out of the 10 would say they loved to be at home because their parents never bothered them when their bedroom door was shut.
Do you want to know what those kids were doing? They sure weren't reading Harry Potter or Twlight.

I know kids need privacy, but locking themselves away for hours on end in their rooms is not healthy

 

[Matthew3590]

Quote:
In my case, we're litterly the only involved parents on the block. by involved I mean remotely aware of where thier children are.

Example, last spring we planned a family vacation, a week at disneyland, a trip to the opera, and some nice dinners. We gave them the option of an extra $100 spending money, or picking a friend to bring along. they choose to bring a buddy. Month before I get the friends school schedule, and pick the week. Schedule it all, let the kid know I need thier parents to call to confirm it all. and nada...

nothing

zilch

Kid swears they've told thier mother, and it's fine. week before we're supposed to go, I take the kid home and ask to talk to mom. Oh yes, it's fine, they said so a month ago, didn't child tell me?

Yes the mother was going to let a 13 yr old girl go away for a week and assume it's a trip with friends, because the kid said so. Mom didn't even have our cell numbers if there was a problem.

So since I know the other parents are at all interested in what's going on, and there's not guidence going on, I keep an eye so when something stupid does happen, my kid isn't involved.

I don't know if that is them not caring where their kid is or they trust them. More likely the fact they trust them. IF i tell my mom someone invited me to go to the lake with them for a week they would say yes. Then I go tell friends mom that my mom said yes. Because my mom trusts me not because she is a bad parent and doesn't care where I am or the fact she doesn't have to have 2 published papers in wrighting saying where I was going to be at what time.

 

[MammaBear]

Oh these poor kids with no facebook and cell phones. How will they ever survive? Facebook is a great place to waste a lot of time and does not offer much in return. Social skills? Not hardly. It is a brag site to find out who did what to who. So what!! Ever since the invention of IRC and texting, people are saying a lot more, but not much of it is of any consequence. Most of us have lost true connection to other people. And kids today have are completely lost when it comes to communicating on a truly personal level.

Just because you have 600 friends on facebook means nothing. While receiving a cyber hug is a nice thought, you still don't have a shoulder to cry on. Congratulation icons are sweet, but nothing beats a true high 5 from your best friend. I like most of the people I have chatted with on here, and most of you probably like me....but can you be really sure I am not some hairy fat dude sitting here in my dirty tightie whities, having perverted thoughts about chickens?? The internet is a great place to learn and play, but you can't live here, it's not real.

Parents it is ok to say no. And what is really nice is you are the parent and you don't have to give a reason. Keep protecting your kids, and raise them the best way you can!!!

 

[australorpchick]

DDs are 15 and are not allowed to have email addresses, let alone facebook accounts. Their cell phones are also blocked from sending or receiving anything but simple text messages. I trust them, I just don't trust everyone else.

 

[bullyforme]

Quote:
This is a pretty funny post!

(fat dude, dirty tightie whities, heheee!)

But I disagree that kids today are lost when it comes to communicating on a truly personal level. Mine aren't on FB 24/7 in fact maybe 1/2 hour a day if that. I truly believe FB is a facilitator to even more communication, not a replacement for communicating. As long as I'm monitoring from a healthy distance (not hovering, not stalking) my kids, I continue to trust them. And they know all about internet safety, in fact my youngest only has about 80 friends, 90% from his school, the other 10% family members. He doesn't randomly accept friend requests, always lets me know when he gets one from someone he doesn't know, and never frequents any sort of chat room. He only communicates with people he knows personally.

I believe there can be a happy medium, and it should be strived for because social networking is a big, big part of the future.

 

[Matthew3590]

Quote:
So in reality you don't have enough trust in them to not communicate with the people you do not trust.

 

[suzettex5]

Yup, I have full access to my childens FB and email and any other online accounts. Kids dont always make the best decisions, like sharing about being gone on a trip (YES, thieves DO watch for that kind of info, and CAN find out where you live to rob you!) or share other private family matters.

I ABSOLUTELY determine who my kids are friends with since many of the apps and games want you to 'friend' people to advance, and kids get caught up in the game, adding ANYONE who they think will play. My son had some innappropriatly aged 'friends' that I had to delete. I AM over-protective about anything online, but I would MUCH rather be safe than sorry. And I prefer all my stuff, to remain, all MY stuff.

My own brother as a teen had some unsavory friends who my parents ignored...they would call and hang up at all hours, drive by all the time. I tried to tell them those kids were trouble and to ban them from our home and from my brother, but they didnt, since they were glad he had friends. Well, those 'friends' waited till no one answered the phone one day, kicked down our front door and robbed us blind- took everything of value.
THOSE kinds of kids and people are everywhere on social networking sites (ESPECIALLY in this economy) and I see it as my job to at least peruse my childs sites and forums for possible problems. But, my kids dont seem to mind since they, for the most part, arent doing anything wrong.


My kids can have privacy once they are paying the bills. I still help clean their rooms, so I do get an idea of whats going on in there, and I read ALL text messages on their phones and Ipods. They NEED to know I give a darn and care about them, and I will do as much as I possibly can to protect them from the world and themselves until they show me the ability to care for themselves in a safe and rational way.

As long as my kids think IM annoying for checking their pages and sites, as long as they think THEY are not vulnerable to online predators, I WILL have access, or they WONT have phones or internet. Period.