poured in my life can't it stop? Dads Gone9/25/10Gmas Gone10/31/10

[chickeypoo]

i know there isn't an expiration date stamped. i just wish they hadn't said it. but then again. im just feeling so lost. i love my dad dearly and i know that we will be taking things day to day. i do know that in august we will be going to the MN state Zoo. im gonna find out if there is anything else that he'd like to get to do. go someplace. ya know?

he will be continuing on the chemo and radiation and he will be having scans every now and then. im gonna have the middle DD go there again this weekend. she loved it and he did too.

im just really tired. and im really glad i have you guys to write to. thanks everyone for the hugs. i need them

 

[3goodeggs]

A gigantic hug to you chickiepoo!
I am so sorry all of this is happening.

 

[chickeypoo]

so.. what else can go wrong? right? stupid car.. that's what. good thing i had a coupon for it.. but it still cost almost 900 dollars. they extended credit. 6 months no interest.. but still.. im already swamped with what we have to pay. just keep kicking me when im down! what's it gonna be after that 6 months? ugh. do i have 100 a month to keep up with that? NO.

my dad was put in the ER again last night. chest pains. they hooked him up for EKG. (meanwhile, my middle DD was there this whole week.. so she was scared when they did this) and it's all good with his heart(thankfully!) and they think the chemo is making him have something like acid reflux. he's got a prescription for prilosec.. stronger than OTC. so.. i asked him(when i called him earlier) how he was feeling.. the response i got.. ugh. "always with my fingers" har har dad. LOL. but he says he's ok. but still got some pains. if it's not the acid the docs say it could be pains from the tumor shrinking..(lets only hope right?)

i was really depressed last night.. and that was before hearing about dad in the hospital. i dunno.. just am. then today when we took the car in, my sis in law calls.. the one who has my middle DD with my dad.. She's sick..(middle DD) and i need to pick her up.. uh.. sure.. how? i have no car. and she got kind of witchy with me. ugh. keep it up.. just start with me.. im already at my wits end. then i called my dad to tell him that my MIL was taking me home, and my DH was gonna get the car when it was done(he was staying in the shop with the car) and then he'd pick up the middle DD> at least he's understanding. and to top it off.. why my sis in law just HAD to have us pick the DD up.. cuz she was going to the south side wal mart to drop something off for her ex husband.. uh, there's a reason he's an ex!(esp. when she's told me before he was abusive) and she could have stopped at the other wal mart to take something back. i know that.. i've done it before. stupid.. stupid. i wonder if my brother knows.... oh well. his problem.. not mine.

i think if my dad is feeling better. id like to have him stay a night this weekend. ill call later. we are having a small party for my middle DD(she turns 7 on monday) and we are gonna have hot dogs, and cake, and root beer floats, and fruit, and all the goodies she likes

jelly jiggles(as she calls jello jigglers LOL) her most favorite.

i just wanted to let everyone know... we aren't dead yet.. but im beginning to feel it. oh.. and out of 42 eggs. only about 9 may hatch..

i sad. oh well. out of those 9.. five are mine. ugh. that makes me feel worse.. except knowing that two of my hens are fertile LOL. one egg was old. i only have two hens laying out of 7. stupid hens.

i can't even bake with what i get.. maybe 2 eggs a day.. mostly 1. and sometimes none. and they aren't old hens either. oh well. what else can go wrong?

thanks all for reading. ill up date again later.. as things keep going

 

[chickeypoo]

ok. so news on my dad.

Thursday night he was back in the hospital. trouble breathing, using his oxygen more than ever, lack of appetite. so they did a CT scan. saw he had the start of Pnuemonia...and something of a shadow in his bronchial areas... so.. they were gonna look down there with a camera. and see what they could see. cuz it could be the tumor growing again, or it could be he was breathing during the scan. so they were gonna look with some camera thing on friday.. they did. and it wasn't cuz he was breathing. the tumor is growing again... they did some radiation and are gonna do some different chemo...

i haven't been able to get down there with crap going on at home, so i will hopefully get down there today or tomorrow. but i just feel like he is losing this battle faster than anticipated in the first place.

i sat by my chicks last night.. of which i have 8 (from 42 eggs

) i sat there and watched them running around, everyone else was sleeping. just me and the birds. so.. i am glad i have that at least right now. the only things that are keeping me from slipping downward at this point. ya know? cute little fuzzy butts.

but if anyone read my post in random ramblings to magsc.. about needing a pick me up.. this is why.

 

[chickeypoo]

I was correct in assuming that the battle is getting shorter and shorter. unfortunately. My sis in law(who is handling everything..and i do mean EVERYTHING!) told me that this will take him away sooner. I am hoping not.. but i know it's a possibility.

 

[noodleroo]

I've never read or posted a reply in the family life-stories-pictures... section before now. I was going through the 'new posts' and my mouse got stuck on this thread.

What a remarkable woman you are. Your strength and courage are absolutely phenominal. Be kind to yourself and your family. And remember, you can do anything for a little while.

Life is a balance of all things. You must have the most wonderful things to look forward to. Be proud of yourself....

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Sweetie.. ya gotta get down there to see him as soon as you can... you dont want any regrets later on.
So sorry about everything..

 

[Southernbelle]

I'll be praying for you and I'm glad the fuzzy butts are keeping you sane!

 

[WriterofWords]

I don't have words right now, but I'm thinking of you.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

You need to go visit, and spend time with him. Take the kids if they will let them in--just make sure they have quiet things to keep them occupied once they have had enough of visiting.