poured in my life can't it stop? Dads Gone9/25/10Gmas Gone10/31/10

i thought about the *hassles* of getting another dog/puppy.. which include the cleaning of poop, and not being able to take a "vacation" of sorts, and other things.. but then i realized it's not that big of a deal LOL. I've wanted a bigger dog for a long time.. the ones i have are not that big. and i like big dogs.. but big dogs mean bigger poop LOL.

i'm glad to be taking the dog and puppy. still have to come up with a name for the little tan one though. they call her avatar cuz she has a spot on her forehead like the boy in avatar the last airbender. i dunno.. they call her sister(same color) butterscotch.. ill have to post a pic when i get one LOL
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Just posting cuz im feeling down tonight. I was thinking of when he was in the hospital and still in good spirits. I was thinking of him just last week down to about 100 pounds, and in about as much pain as anyone doesn't need to be. but still making jokes.. wincing when the pain gets too much even with his oxycodone...

I'm gonna miss you dad.
 
I think of him all the time. when i am working i think of him.. when im doing the dishes... im thinking of him. tonight he called me and we chatted a few mins. weird..cuz i was thinking of him. he's starting to bleed in his throat or sinuses... labor day we ended up in the hospital cuz of it. it's scary to see your father laying in the hospital bed, with dried blood on his chin adn under his nose. and all over his hands.. broke my heart. i still see that image.. just like the image of him with the feeding tube and the breathing tube in his mouth and down his throat. and him trying to swallow cuz his throat hurts bad. breaks my heart just thinking of it. sometimes those images are what makes me cry. i can't stop them.. wish i could.

when we were talking i asked him what he was doing this weekend. i didn't really have a reason. i just was making conversation. he may come up but i may go see him. i dunno what this weekend holds yet. i do need to go see my gramma.

that's all i got for now.
 
I hope you get to see your dad and have a good time with him no matter what you do. It's time well spent. And I know it's hard sometimes, but do try to think of the good times and put good fun loving pictures in your head when you think of your dad instead of the other ones. Once you train your mind to do that, it would be much better for you.
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he's in hospice.. just put in today. yesterday he was having a hard time breathing. COPD. sent home.. today, he took off for a bit and came back.. was short of breath again, and then severe stomach pain. so they took him back. not a good thing. he is dying. they are taking the comfort approach cuz even if they did the full effects of it all, he may have a week. they have him at 24 to 72 hours. it's hard.. he's in lots of pain, so he's on a morphine pump. i am heading back to the hopsital. i just had to come home and shower, and get the kids showered and fed and to bed.. then my sis in law is coming to get me to take me back to the hospital.
 
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So sorry,
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! You have been a wonderful daughter to him, and I know how much you will miss him. . .write down the stories you have told on here, because that is your legacy to your children!! Get the albums put together, because someone you will want to set down and talk about these days and it will be right there for you!!
 

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