Prenuptial agreements & step-children?

[JennsPeeps]

Thanks for some good insights and thoughts, everyone.

 

[foweler]

Ok guys just because Terrie posted last DOES NOT mean this closed. lau

Its never easy being the boss

And she's right. Here the only way to avoid probate is an iron clad will (still not enough) and well planned trusts.

I wish I knew more about planning them

I hope your parents only want to protect you, and not from happiness. Even the most controlling ones still want you to thrive.​

 

[Serrin]

Jenn, I hope the following link helps you to understand Washington State marital laws.

http://srch.mrsc.org:8080/rcwwac/template.htm;jsessionid=BC563F17DE06483C5D7C0C0DC9F613B9?view=main

By the sounds of it, you may have already visited this site. If not, it is worth an in depth perusal. And after that, a consultation with your attorney would be a wise and prudent course of action. I don't know about you, but every time I try to read through anything concerning the RCW's I get a pounding headache! This is what the attorneys get paid the big bucks for!

My husband and I have a saying, a personal motto if you will......

Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it. This applies to just about every aspect in life, within reason.

I'm sure your parents are just trying to keep your best interests at heart. Yes, it was a bit underhanded for your dad to "ambush" you like he did. But, you're a big girl now, obviously!

Maybe it's time to sit mom and dad both down over a nice pot roast some evening, just the three of you and have a real heart to heart talk. Not just about this business of pushing for a prenuptial, but your life in general. Perhaps a discussion of DF is in order as well. I'm sure their main concern is that DF is NOT working at this time and has this mounting debt hanging over his head.

Sometimes parents, especially if they're either in a stable job or are retired, tend to forget just how tough the job market can be in times like these. Have they ever displayed any form of dislike or displeasure for your DF? If this is a recent development, then I'm sure the only thing at issue for them is the lack of employment, coupled with the outstanding back child support that is owing.

If they have had issues with him before this, now would be a good time to clear the air on both sides.

They are still your parents and always will be. And statistically speaking, chances are good that they'll be around longer than any other single person in your life.

On the surface, from what I can gather from your original post, you have a good relationship with your parents outside of this prenuptial issue. I bet a good conversation with them is VERY possible. You should consider having one with them, and soon!

Best of luck for your future.

 

[JennsPeeps]

Serrin:

 

[WriterofWords]

"It's because we love you" once means they love you, repeatedly means they are trying to lay a guilt trip on you and want to have a little too much say in the life of their adult child.

Pre-nup: See a lawyer, go with good questions, both of you go together so you don't try and tell each other what the other one was told, you hear it first hand.

 

[thechickenchick]

I don't think it is any of your parents business, although they may just be trying to protect you.

That being said, I had a prenup in my previous marriage. Here is why. My parents had just passed away less than a year before and my Grandmother less than a month before. There were life insurance policies, vehicles, saving and checking accounts and a house involved. My gut told me that I would never forgive myself if I lost anything my Dad worked so hard for.

Its too bad my gut didn't tell me that these things were the only reason this man wanted to marry me. When I asked him to sign this I was called every name in the book and told he would never sign. I held my ground and said there would be no wedding unless he did.(common sense would have been to be smart and call it off, did I ? of course not

) hours before the wedding he agreed. By Monday the mask(and the gloves) came off. He turned out to be not only a con man , but a physically abusive drug addict. He had lied to me about his job, his family, everything. With no financial gain to be had he started being his real self. That prenup saved my behind and my house. The divorce was quick and simple thanks to that.

My feeling here is you probably don't need it unless you feel like you need it. That doesn't mean you don't trust him/ If it makes you feel better he should be fine with it. It is between you two though, not Mom or Dad.

This should be a very happy time. Maybe discuss it with DF and get his feelings on it. He may think its a good idea to protect you from his ex, just in case.

 

[Sammimom]

Any time there are assests to be considered, even modest ones, GET IT IN WRITING!! People change, as we all have learned over time. Talk to a lawyer.

 

[crtrlovr]

Sadly, I have a dear friend who is going through a divorce right now after a marriage of less than a year. Her soon to be ex (and from her POV, not soon enough

) portrayed himself as a knight in shining armor, but the armor came off before the echo of the "I do"s died away. She worked very hard to accumulate a modest nest egg, and as a sign of trust, he suggested they put each other's names on their checking/savings accounts. They did. Without getting into too much personal detail, one day she finds her accounts emptied and Mr. Loser locked his account & denied her any access to it. Can we all spell "grifter" ?? THANKFULLY she did have a prenup drawn up for possession of her house, but the way it was written didn't cover any other assets...

She was insured through the family plan where he worked; although they're not even divorced yet he had her removed from his plan immediately. Too bad his kind don't have the big "L" on their foreheads for "Loser" -- it would make it lots easier for the next person he tried to con.

I used to be of the "if you think you need a prenup, you don't need that person" frame of mind, but I have to say after having counseled people in troubled marriages (my husband and I are volunteer counselors -- we just got our Doctor of Divinity degrees), protecting yourself isn't necessarily a bad thing...

As for the stepchildren issue, BTDT. There is a 17 year age difference b/t my husband and me. His oldest daughter is 6 yrs. younger than me. I was 19 when we married; his children were:
13 (daughter) 12 (daughter) 12 (son) and 10 (son). People have asked me why my DH and I didn't have children together. I tell them it was because I inherited his children right about the time they all lost their minds....

I also tell them that we had all the "fun" we could stand. At least we all survived and no one ended up in jail (at least not due to that!)

The biological mother was a total NutJob (hereafter referred to as NJ -- I just realized that her name was Norma Jean, and the initials NJ REALLY DO FIT!!

Anyway, BTDT with the child support issue. We asked our attorney if we could force her to provide receipts showing where at least part of the child support was spent on THE CHILDREN for dental, medical, clothing, etc. His response was "It doesn't matter if she stands out in the front yard and burns it, you still have to send it". Thankfully they're all grown now. It would be a good idea to speak with an attorney and lay everything out. Get some good, solid counsel on how to protect your assets not necessarily from your DF, but as others pointed out, other people trying to come after them should the unthinkable happen. May your upcoming marriage and the rest of your lives be filled with happiness, and when the inevitable trials of life come up, may you face them together with resolve and courage.

 

[Sitka]

As many have stated above, I'd research all this and see a lawyer if possible.

As for the ex-wife, she may be nice but you just never know. A cynical but probably worthwhile saying I have heard is "You never really know a person until you face them in court..."

You never know how she will react / change after your marriage and may want to come after your house.

Good luck.

 

[thewarriorchild]

I have not read any responses so this is what I thought off the top of my head.

YES get something that says what is yours or yours even if the state rules it, it will protect your assests from his other side of the family and as a bonus allow you to be able to keep your house should something happen. Should you want to put anything in your will great but if the X decides to freak (of course they never do that~~ <sarcastic> Ive seen things in my own family I never thought I would see) It will also allow the two of you to keep all you do have without losing your home to child support. Even if the law is that it is yours I would back it up in writing.

My situation is I am a single Mom to a 14 yr old. She can have the business

If she was younger and the guy really was a Dad that would be different. She has NO father he is a deadbeat and he has never seen her.

I never was for prenups but I am starting a business and it will be mine all mine muhahahahhahaha~~

especially since I am starting it alone so far, if I had someone come in with me that would be another story.





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