privacy during labor

[cariboujaguar]

I'm not private, I had 13 people in my room during my entire labor including my father, so I can't relate... BUT when it comes to childbirth, Weddings and a few other events in life I am a firm believer you have a right to demand anything, everything and be as picky or odd as you want. I couldn't agree with you more, my baby is only 3 months so I vividly remember her birth right now and the things that help you deal with the pain are strange sometimes, the things that make the pain even worse can also be very small things or odd things. you have every right to ask that noone be there at all, and I'm sorry but hubs doesn't have to go through what you're going through, if he can't respect, support and sympathize with your needs/decision then too bad

 

[SophieLain127]

I had three people in my room not including docs and nurse. I let my dad in the room but he had to stay above my shoulders, my mom at my side and my husband well he held my leg and cut Soph's cord.

I know people who allowed only the wifes mother but not MIL. Do only what makes you comfortable if your DH doesn't like it then he can go sit out in the waiting room like the good ole days...

 

[Katy]

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[zippy11455]

When I was a nursing student (many moons ago) doing my rotation on the labor and delivery floor I saw some amazing family dynamics occurring. A particularly memorable birthing situation was a real, "You just might be a redneck" family moment. The whole bunch of got drunk (some arrived already loaded), the parents, the parents ex's, the parents new boyfriend/girlfriend, the stepsisters and stepbrothers, the inlaws, the outlaws. In other words, everybody and his brother was there. Must have been 20 people and the cops had to be called when a fight broke out among them. This all happened during delivery to a first time mother. I think the mother was the only one not drunk, but then she was spaced out on pain meds. I really wanted to say, "Here's your sign!" Decided sarcasm could potentially escalate the situation, so kept my mouth shut.

You decide who you want there and stick to your guns on it. It will make the labor and delivery much easier for you and the baby.

 

[RubberChickenLubber]

Quote:
Whatever you do, don't let a student give you a shot. I have O neg and always have to get the shot. A male student nurse asked if he could give me the shot after my daughter was born. I thought sure, give him some practice. Well, he took forever putting the needle in, forever pushing the liquid in, and i poured blood when he finished. The kicker was, he had no bandaids with him, and had to send another student nurse to the desk to get a bandaid.


I've had complicated pregnancies, and I allowed people there, but no one but hubby, dr's and nurses were ever allowed in while i was in real labor. Also, depending on the hospital they may leave visitors in there when they give you an exam. (one hospital actually did this, and thankfully hubby's aunt and uncle turned around). I feel that is should be left up to the mother. If hubby wants to call them, he should tell them that you want some privacy to begin with, and then see how you fell as time goes by.

 

[EweSheep]

OMG! I certainly can relate to this!

When I was pregnant with my DD, my mom and sis said I would NEED to call them when I go to the hospital. WHAT???!!! I thought to myself, no, this is MY baby, MY delivery and it is the way I am going to do it! My mother was ticked at me in the whole time that she NEVER got to go to any of the checkups, the amino tests, ultrasounds and then told me she NEVER felt close to me or my daughter in the whole time. Jeez!

Then I told my OB doctor of my wishes that I want ONLY my husband and medical staff there. He told me that is fine and the hospital staff would take care of anyone that "bombs" in there and making me feel uncomfortable about how much pain is and how "weak" or "low tolerance of pain" or my sis' comments " I never had an epidural and you should not either". Well the pain was too much for me to bear, I had an epidural and was in labor for 15 hours until a crises arose that I needed an emergency C section. After that was all overwith, oh Lordy the pain, the grogginess, spaced out good ol me and a bunch of crankiness with lack of sleep and can not sleep in the uncomfortable hospital bed and wanna go home now attitude LOL! My tail bone hurts like heck and it still hurts now and then to this day (soft tissue injury).

My mother was ticked when she found out that I had my DD and refused to see her new granddaughter until two weeks later. To this day, she kept saying that I dont let her see me nor her at the hospital and blames my DH about not calling her or my sis. I told her, I am NOT the person I want to be seen by relatives or friends, SORRY! And I was a real *B* while in pain and irriable the whole time with emotions going nuts, laughing and crying at the same time while my hormones and breasts were engorged. Do you really want to see me in that shape???????!!!!!!!! My hubby got the brunt and taste of it. My aunt came to visit me once just to see DD which that is fine.

I am glad I stuck to my wishes of not having my family and friends there while I was giving birth and the recovery time. Mom still has a hard time and said it often when we all were talking about labor and she brushes me off and "you DO whatever YOU want" in a sarcasm way. It happened five years ago!

All in all, you should have the comfort of your husband and your husband MUST support you and your wishes at all times during your time in the hospital and afterwards. If nto, I would have put him out with the relatives in the waiting room!!!!!!

 

[FrenchHen]

It's such a personal and private decision. Everyone is different. I would probably do things the same again. My mom was there with my first, but I didn't want a party.

I got to help support a woman during birth, and the midwife actually cleared the room of all but five of us (I know...five!) because it was too much chaos.

The nurses will be your best friends. I made brownies and rice crispy treats for mine because I wanted them to like me and look out for me, which they did.

If you want them to hang in the waiting room, that's cool. It might be a good compromise. Just write it in your birth plan and let the professionals enforce things.

 

[Judy]

Quote:
As a nurse, I find this more disturbing than anything else here. It is outrageous that medical staff failed to ensure privacy for such an exam. This is first month nursing student stuff, as basic as it gets. No patient should ever have to ask that she not be exposed unnecessarily.

It's just so sad when family members do not honor a mother's choices.

Mothers, you do not have to explain yourselves; you have a right to your choice, whether it is the whole family in the room, or no one but staff. It is your body that is in labor. And husbands, your job is to take care of your wife, which means ensuring her wishes are carried out. Grandparents, etc. of course have a right to see the child. That does not include a right to see the labor/delivery. Hospitals can limit visitors, but they are not about requiring them.

Simple enough. Actually, choices for privacy are legislated rights.

 

[Judy]

Pokey, I hope you work this out with hubby and family beforehand. Maybe he can tell at least some people, without their coming to the hospital, if they know ahead of time that this is your preference. He needs to understand that he could be very busy with you. Surely he does not want to deprive you of attention you might need at this time. Maybe he pictures many hours of sitting in a waiting room. If he will be with you, this is not likely to be what is going to happen. Talk it out, with your MD or his/her nurse, if needed. For everyone else, you need only inform them of your decisions.

 

[pokey]

i never have understood why people want to crowd in there while all that is going on either. i think i will get more flack from hubby's side of the family than mine. my side knows me

and i don't care if anybody gets mad, i feel like they are intruding on me and my privacy, so they'll get over it. i would not do this to someone else unless i was specifically requested
to be there. and its not like they won't see her afterwards.