Question in Parade Magazine...

[A.T. Hagan]

My wife and I met online fifteen years ago (pre-Internet) and we have both had an online existence ever since. But we do not share our personal account passwords nor do we look at each other's e-mails. She does not look in my wallet and I would be uncomfortable rooting around in her purse. We're married, not joined together at the hip.

 

[CarolJ]

I've never even thought to ask for my husband's password - and he's never asked for mine. We both have laptops, and many evenings we sit in our side-by-side recliners - each of us working on our own laptops. If I get an email or come across information on the internet I think he might be interested in, I either share it with him or pass my computer over to him so he can read it for himself. He does the same for me.

It's about trust. If either of us wanted to do something clandestine, knowing each other's password and reading each other's emails wouldn't prevent it. I know of too many "no secrets" marriages in which at least one had secrets they successfully hid from their spouse while appearing to be completely open and honest. People need their own space and their own activities and interests.

I consider one's email private and I wouldn't read my husband's email unless he specifically invited me to do so. I have absolutely nothing to hide - but that doesn't mean I have to share everything with my spouse.

A related story: Recently a young couple I know became engaged. The girl immediately deleted her own facebook account - communicating via her fiance's account - When she'd post or comment, she'd write "This is Mary . . . " and then go on to write her post/comment. Now that they're married, she added her name to his FB - "JohnandMary Doe" - it's creepy to me - and makes them both look enormously insecure - afraid to be individuals - afraid to let the other one have his/her own individuality.

I know others see it differently. This is just my own opinion about it.

 

[RoeDylanda]

DH and I know each other's passwords, largely because we occasionally have to retrieve house or financial information from one another's email accounts and both of us have jobs where we can be unavailable for hours at a time. I don't look at his emails/texts for the same reason I don't eavesdrop on his conversations-- it's disrespectful. If I have a question, I ask him, and he does the same with me. So far it's working pretty well.

 

[sourland]

Well, being computer illiterate, I actually use the Princess's email address. Doesn't bother her- doesn't bother me. Her facebook account is something that I have nothing to do with.