Random Griping About My Evil Monster-In-Law... Long Post, Sorry!

[Kelly G]

I know this won't be helpful for you. But my MIL was just like this. She made my life a living hell. In my life, I am well liked and well regarded and respected. I feel the same about all those in my life (except her). I turned myself inside out trying to rise above all of her hate and drama. It never worked. She hated and put down everything I did/do. A few examples:

I went to Juilliard - that was an over-rated, expensive education. Useless. She hates opera (Oratorio is my major focus). She actually wore bright orange earplugs to a wedding that she had to attend (that I was asked to sing at) - she put them in just as I was about to start and took them out when I finished.

Horses - she liked horses until she met me. Now (in my presence) my horses are an expensive waste. Ponies are useless (I have Norwegian Fjords) and I'm wasting the money my husband makes.

Photography - I'm an amateur photographer. I did a photo essay on our kids (her grandkids) and gave her framed copies. She said (in front of everyone at Christmas) that she hates black and white photos....why would I take b&w when color is so much more vibrant? She threw them away before I left (my SIL pulled them out of the garbage and gave them to my husband to return to me.

My husband was married once before (high-school sweethearts that married too young). His mother hated her too...until I came along, and then they became best friends. *sigh*

Really, the list - like yours - goes on and on. My husband had enough of my being "abused" after about a year of this (the wedding thing was the last straw) and we didn't see her for two years (he spent time with her - but spared me - when she was sick). He'd call her on the phone, but he would not allow her near me anymore. I was so grateful.

She died in 2006. I don't miss her.

 

[MaggieRae]

Nothing to add but

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

My DH has long ago stood up to his parents or I would not have married him. But, once AND ONLT ONCE I needed to remind him. His mom was giving me digs about the kids and my house. I walked over to him and made a firm grab for his, ahem, "boys". I said , "Dang, I wasn't sure those things were still there!" After gaping for a long minute he started laughing and of course offering to show em to me, but he got the point....


I constantly remind myself that someday I will be some one's monster in law and I try very hard to NOT be one!!

 

[Sir Birdaholic]

If she shows up at your house, tell her to leave & don't come back. If she does, charge her with tresspassing, & tell that girly-man husband to grow some"huevos" & stand up for his family. If he doesn't, he's not into you enough to care. Can I come over & slap him? I would put my life on the line for my wife!

 

[SillyChicken]

Quote:
I have to agree with this ... document everything you can. Set up videos, record phone calls etc.. build a case against her.... I'd even go as far as getting a restraining or protective order against her if you can get some good video/recording of her to support your claims. Dangerous people like this are apt to do just about anything in their madness. I would absolutly forbid her to have any interaction with the children. This woman isn't just a possessive mom... she's mentally unstable and dangerous. If she's actually making death threats to your FIL or has already "kidnapped" kids she needs to be put away. Her DH is probably scared of her and probably won't get involved for his own safety.

Your DH definatly needs to step up and see the danger that she is to your family and protect you from it....... or I'd be leaving with no custody or supervised custody for him, just because of his mother.

 

[swift4me]

Draw the line with her, then do a testicle check on your husband. He's part of any real solution.

Pete

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

I went to Juliard - that was an over-rated, expensive education. Useless. She hates opera (Oratorio is my major focus). She actually wore bright orange earplugs to a wedding that she had to attend (that I was asked to sing at) - she put them in just as I was about to start and took them out when I finished.

Kelly, I just had to say OMG

That is just so extremely tacky!!!!! My gods Juliard!?! And she thinks nothing of your talent?!?! Earplugs!?!?! Has she NO CLUE - sorry HAD she no clue how impossible it is to get into Juliard let alone survive there? Dag girl you gots serious talent, people pay major bucks to hear people like you and she wears ear plugs!!

Sorry, I am just rolling over how stupid people must have thought she was.......​

 

[EweSheep]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

I went to Juliard - that was an over-rated, expensive education. Useless. She hates opera (Oratorio is my major focus). She actually wore bright orange earplugs to a wedding that she had to attend (that I was asked to sing at) - she put them in just as I was about to start and took them out when I finished.

Kelly, I just had to say OMG

That is just so extremely tacky!!!!! My gods Juliard!?! And she thinks nothing of your talent?!?! Earplugs!?!?! Has she NO CLUE - sorry HAD she no clue how impossible it is to get into Juliard let alone survive there? Dag girl you gots serious talent, people pay major bucks to hear people like you and she wears ear plugs!!

Sorry, I am just rolling over how stupid people must have thought she was.......​

Me too! Juliard is very difficult to get in as I heard from my tenor friend....very very difficult. Only the BEST would enter........

As for MIL, its stupid, has no taste in what you are singing...sorry I do not know what Oratorio is...is it a range of voice?​

 

[manderzpants]

i find it very helpful to say "THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE" when someone crosses the line. its true, its not attacking and its a firm way to tell someone that their behavior will not be tolerated. i hope that both you and your husband are able to stand up to her abusive behavior, and are stern with her when she tries to overstep the boundaries you have set. even if your husband does not stand up to her, YOU always should! you do not deserve this treatment and you will not accept it! show her that! she'll probably redouble her efforts at first to try to break you down, but just keep reminding her that her abusive behavior is UNACCEPTABLE and follow through w/ punishments. basically you have to treat her like a toddler throwing a tantrum, since that is how she is behaving. if you keep at it, she'll soon get the message and either grumble to herself but BEHAVE or she'll leave you alone. and don't take no bs off your hubby either! if he wants to take a guilt trip, he better be sure to pack his bags because i would send him out the door after that!!!

my mother is a nasty piece of work herself, so i know how frustrating this is! good luck and stay strong! <3

 

[Kelly G]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

I went to Juilliard - that was an over-rated, expensive education. Useless. She hates opera (Oratorio is my major focus). She actually wore bright orange earplugs to a wedding that she had to attend (that I was asked to sing at) - she put them in just as I was about to start and took them out when I finished.

Kelly, I just had to say OMG

That is just so extremely tacky!!!!! My gods Juliard!?! And she thinks nothing of your talent?!?! Earplugs!?!?! Has she NO CLUE - sorry HAD she no clue how impossible it is to get into Juliard let alone survive there? Dag girl you gots serious talent, people pay major bucks to hear people like you and she wears ear plugs!!

Sorry, I am just rolling over how stupid people must have thought she was.......​

That was the final straw. Really. It was just so hurtful. She told everyone she knew how much money I'd "wasted" at "that" school. It is kind of funny when you put it that way. And she looked absolutely ridiculous to everyone there (I'm sure - because they were bright orange).

At our wedding, I walked down the aisle to meet my husband (

) to Beethoven's 9th Symphony ( "Ode to Joy"). It is one of my all-time favorites...it embodies absolute joy: from the quiet, sublime joy - to they joy that can hardly be contained (me!!!). The piece embodies every ounce of happines that exists (and, by the way, Beethoven was completely deaf when he wrote it....he never heard it played - he only heard it in his mind!). When we walked out together, we walked out to an organ piece by Bull that was an Irish jig - a tip of the hat to my Mom's side of the family & it seemed celebratory!

My husband's mother thought that the wedding was boring & too much music!

Oh well!!!

I don't do too much professionally any more...husband, kids, horses, etc. But it is still something that is always present in me...it's never really gone. Like when you sell a horse, a car, a house - they are no longer available to you, even if they are still physically here. My voice...it's always with me (sometimes needs a lot of dusting-off!)...but even more than that - the intimate knowledge of some of my favorite music is always with me and can be called up at a moments notice...the sum of all that I learned (and continue to learn) brings me immeasurable joy...

Today, I was dropping off one of my riding students at her home after her lesson. She lives out in the country & doesn't have much exposure to classical music, but over the last couple of years has acquired a taste for some of it (she's only 11). Tonight our station was playing Carmina Burana (one of my favorites!) and she got to hear the beginning of the first movement - it's familiar to many as having been used in the movie, Excalibre, as well as a lot of horror/suspense films. You can listen to 20 seconds of it here on Amazon...click on the first movement: http://www.amazon.com/Carmina-Buran...3?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1277176931&sr=1-3-spell

It's great music...and not even the best classical music has to offer...but it still has the ability to communicate without words...and the sum of the whole is much greater than its parts. All the violinists, bass players, trumpet players, french horns, etc....each of them = nothing all alone....but together, it's unbelievable.

When you're performing, time stands still and nothing else exists.

*sigh* You didn't ask for any of this! I'm the most inarticulate person trying to articulate what probably can't be put in words.

Anyway, my mother-in-law completely missed it. It was all lost on her.

And, thank you for "getting it" I SO MUCH appreciate it!​