No really, I mean EVIL. I've been married for almost 11 years to an only child. I know, I know... mama's boy, shoulda known better. Yeah, been there heard that. But now my MIL has just genuinely gone too far and I'm not sure what I can do about it!
Let me give you a "cliff's notes" of her interference with my marriage so far... First of all she openly disrespected me the entire time DH and I were dating, telling me I was "not good enough" for her son/ their family, or that I was "bigger than the girls he usually liked and probably just a phase". She also would do things like try inviting my DH's ex's to the house any time she knew I would be there. Ironically, they all thought she was nuts and never would come.
Fast forward to our wedding... she openly protested the wedding, threatened not to come daily and when she did show up she came dressed in head to toe black funeral wear and sobbed the entire time like her true love was drowned at sea.
After we got married she constantly would call me names, criticize my weight, my housekeeping skills, my cooking-- you name it. She also repeatedly tried to set my DH up on dates with HIGH SCHOOL girls from the HS she worked at! If my DH forced me to go to their house for a visit she would try to make me sleep in a different room from her son, would throw a total fit if DH would be physically affectionate towards me in front of her (hugs, kisses) and would do creepy things like if she caught him hugging me, she would make him give her back/ foot rubs and, I am not kidding you, would act like she was having the big "O" the whole time.
She also had a bevy of photos SHE had taken of a friend's 17 year old daughter in a bikini that she would randomly leave in places she knew he'd see... like under his cereal bowl.
All this I tried valiantly to ignore. And then she amp'd it up once I had my first son. Through my entire pregnancy she did everything she could to convince my DH that he was not the father. She did the same 18 months later with my daughter-- actually causing such a major fight between DH and myself that for two months during my pregnancy we were actually separated and filing for divorce before he caught her lying about EVERYTHING and realized she was trying to sabotage our marriage. With counseling and time, we worked our marriage out, but I made him swear that he would never again let her be a deciding factor in any part of our marriage.
It hasn't been easy, over the years I've had to put up with her as she has visited my children (whom she wished horrible things on before they were born, but felt she had a God given right to after they were born) and her constant attempts to place herself as a replacement mother to my kids. She's always trying to bribe them with toys and telling them they should live with her and they could do whatever they want. She also openly tells them to disobey me, or blow off my rules when she is around. When she visits, she's passive aggressive and mean and takes every opportunity she can to undermine me in every way. But I've dealt with it because my husband gives me the whole guilt trip of how it's not fair to make him choose between me or her. And actually, I don't want him to choose-- I want her to tell her off and lay down some rules. But up till now, he just wouldn't because his mom is one of those that plays the "conditional love" game and he is always seeking her approval although he doesn't think he is.
So, super long story coming to an end... Once my MIL found out I was pregnant with my third child (due in Sept.) she lost her mind. She has done nothing but try to manipulate my husband into the same game we've worked so hard to stay away from. She's even started telling lies about hearing what a bad mother I am from total strangers (have I mentioned she lives in a town 4 hours away from me? And yet... apparently even there she hears what a horror I am). She also has begun telling family members that they support my DH and myself and clothe and feed our kids. Which of course is a total lie. We haven't borrowed so much as a red cent from these people in years and years and they don't buy any clothes for our kids let alone feed them!
Finally, my DH had enough and God bless him, let her have it! He kept it pretty tame, told her he loved her but told her she had to stop. And guess what? She turned it all around on me, said he was only saying anything because I made him and that she cannot live her life based on my "inferiority complex".
Now my husband has totally dropped it, let her turn this on me even though I didn't even know the "fight" was occurring until after the fact and now wants me to be okay with a 10 hour visit! What?!?! No way!
Am I wrong, or do I have a right to say no? I don't want this woman around me, or my kids. She's a nutter and I'm tired of her games. But my husband thinks I'm just starting another war. Well why not? He started the last one and then dropped it as soon as the onus was placed off him and on to me. Not fair! Plus I find out now that she's made all kind of crazy threats against me. Something my husband never bothered to tell me over the years! I'm sorry but I'm pretty riled up over this.
Any one have advice on what I could, or should do?
Let me give you a "cliff's notes" of her interference with my marriage so far... First of all she openly disrespected me the entire time DH and I were dating, telling me I was "not good enough" for her son/ their family, or that I was "bigger than the girls he usually liked and probably just a phase". She also would do things like try inviting my DH's ex's to the house any time she knew I would be there. Ironically, they all thought she was nuts and never would come.
After we got married she constantly would call me names, criticize my weight, my housekeeping skills, my cooking-- you name it. She also repeatedly tried to set my DH up on dates with HIGH SCHOOL girls from the HS she worked at! If my DH forced me to go to their house for a visit she would try to make me sleep in a different room from her son, would throw a total fit if DH would be physically affectionate towards me in front of her (hugs, kisses) and would do creepy things like if she caught him hugging me, she would make him give her back/ foot rubs and, I am not kidding you, would act like she was having the big "O" the whole time.
All this I tried valiantly to ignore. And then she amp'd it up once I had my first son. Through my entire pregnancy she did everything she could to convince my DH that he was not the father. She did the same 18 months later with my daughter-- actually causing such a major fight between DH and myself that for two months during my pregnancy we were actually separated and filing for divorce before he caught her lying about EVERYTHING and realized she was trying to sabotage our marriage. With counseling and time, we worked our marriage out, but I made him swear that he would never again let her be a deciding factor in any part of our marriage.
It hasn't been easy, over the years I've had to put up with her as she has visited my children (whom she wished horrible things on before they were born, but felt she had a God given right to after they were born) and her constant attempts to place herself as a replacement mother to my kids. She's always trying to bribe them with toys and telling them they should live with her and they could do whatever they want. She also openly tells them to disobey me, or blow off my rules when she is around. When she visits, she's passive aggressive and mean and takes every opportunity she can to undermine me in every way. But I've dealt with it because my husband gives me the whole guilt trip of how it's not fair to make him choose between me or her. And actually, I don't want him to choose-- I want her to tell her off and lay down some rules. But up till now, he just wouldn't because his mom is one of those that plays the "conditional love" game and he is always seeking her approval although he doesn't think he is.
So, super long story coming to an end... Once my MIL found out I was pregnant with my third child (due in Sept.) she lost her mind. She has done nothing but try to manipulate my husband into the same game we've worked so hard to stay away from. She's even started telling lies about hearing what a bad mother I am from total strangers (have I mentioned she lives in a town 4 hours away from me? And yet... apparently even there she hears what a horror I am). She also has begun telling family members that they support my DH and myself and clothe and feed our kids. Which of course is a total lie. We haven't borrowed so much as a red cent from these people in years and years and they don't buy any clothes for our kids let alone feed them!
Finally, my DH had enough and God bless him, let her have it! He kept it pretty tame, told her he loved her but told her she had to stop. And guess what? She turned it all around on me, said he was only saying anything because I made him and that she cannot live her life based on my "inferiority complex".
Am I wrong, or do I have a right to say no? I don't want this woman around me, or my kids. She's a nutter and I'm tired of her games. But my husband thinks I'm just starting another war. Well why not? He started the last one and then dropped it as soon as the onus was placed off him and on to me. Not fair! Plus I find out now that she's made all kind of crazy threats against me. Something my husband never bothered to tell me over the years! I'm sorry but I'm pretty riled up over this.
Any one have advice on what I could, or should do?
