*rant* Please tell me im not the only 1....

[cariboujaguar]

My goodness! I am 23, husband is 27 and I don't care what you guys want to say about my life experience, age or marriage but it doesn't sound like hardly anyone puts much effort into their marriages. "I don't like him anymore, I left him, this one's better" seems to be the attitude and it's sad! I can count 3 times I just about hated my husband. Those were the times we sat down and discussed our vicious circle of fighting or whatever rut we were going through and resolved it, with prayer and work! Don't just give up unless people are being physically hurt, the mans a drunk etc... but plain old constant bickering can be resolved. It's not all their fault, it is always both people to some extent, I can not recall one time it was just him or just me, we usually set eachother off somehow... even by accident. I hope you can sit down and discuss this, everytime you get over one of these hills or mountains your love will be so much stronger...

 

[starryeyes]

Well here is my two cents worth. BEEN THERE done that. Grew up in a religious home i stayed way to long due to guilt of religion telling me you were married in the eys of God ect. News flash I dont think God wants you or your children to live miserable lives. And as far as some people saying you are throwing in the towel you know what you have to do what you feel is right for you and your children. No its not easy when they are small but guess what they adapt and do come out fine on the other side. Me and my ex get along way better now and have a open relationship about the kids, I am now married to the love of my life and realy know now what love is. Staying out of miss placed guilt or for the kids never lasts long and only prolongs the end. If he does not want counceling then he does not realy want to work on it. My ex went to counceling 3 xs as soon as they started saying things he did not want to hear he quite going. Those that have not been threw it cant understand it literly sucks the life out of you leaving you tired depressed and biter which the kids pick up on. I had no idea how truly unhappy i was till i was out from that situation. No I did not decide to leave on a wim took me a yr and a half to get the courage up to go out on my own but once i made that choice i stood by it. I did not want to put kids threw a bk and forth deal were i leave i come bk i leave. So what i sugest is take a break from him can you stay with a friend for a few days so you can clear your head? I flew to Vegas and stayed with my sister for 2 weeks with the kids. Remember you are stronger then you think and you and your kids have a right to be happy.
PS be a decient wife and mother OMG WTH is that ughh Got to love guilt trips running away will lead you to a lonely death LMFAO OMG Get real this is not the 1800's women dont have to have a man to make us happy or to keep us from being lonely.

If you ever need to talk just pm me

Sorry for typos or spelling misstakes its 3 am here LOl
Good luck Starry

 

[lengel]

It truly depends on the situation and, as importantly, what is critical to each person in the relationship. There are no or instant solutions to anything. In this instance, we are not there. We can only try to offer sound advice, examples and the benefit of our individual experience. Prayer is great - as long as you're not the only one of the two who's doing it.

 

[hikerchick]

I don't think there is any virtue in letting someone else make your life miserable. There are those who would grit their teeth and remain in a hellish marriage simply because they once made a vow. It is not a simple matter of "I don't like this one, this one's better"; it's more like, "this one is sucking the life and soul out of me; being alone is better"

 

[Chickenmaven]

Go to counseling without him. You said that talking leads to tears. You might need to cry it out, my dear.
Counseling will help you understand how you contribute to the fighting in the relationship. (It takes two!) J.M. Gottman did a number of academic studies on couples communication. There is, basically, a push & pull in relationships. Gottman calls it "demand and withdrawl." In healthy relationships it is a pattern of one partner venting and the other cooling things off. HOWEVER, if you are really withdrawing, i.e running off to mama's and unwilling to talk, that can push him to be even more demanding (in your face, yelling, getting mad). I know what I am talking about. I spent the first decade of my marriage trying to be the even keel, while my husband was the yeller. The growth we have had - from really working on these issues - inspired me to study this stuff in grad school.
You cannot make your marriage work without addressing the problems. You don't have to leave or give ultimatums or anything. Just get some help & try!

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Quote:
What she said!! If he won't go, go alone. It does take two to make a marriage work, but it also takes two to destroy it when it is about fighting. (abuse and cheating are another issue) Figure out what you are REALLY fighting about: it is almost never really about money or the kids it is usually about what those things mean to you and him and what each of you is hearing the other say rather than what is really being said.

At the very least go get yourself some books on communication. Check out some web sites. Do what you need to do for yourself and your family and it isn't necessarily run.