***Rant & Vent *** How do you deal with this hurt for a near 13 yo?

[Goat_Walker]

I cant stand people like him! Ive been kicked out of my house a few times by my dad, and we have gotten into physical fights but he has never disowned me and has always had my back. Im sorry you have to deal with somone like IT. Im sorry for your daughter too, She isnt getting to go through the "all about me"stage, instead she has to deal with this ****** and learn about life with too many complications.

 

[joebryant]

Get rid of him permanently, and get him out of your daughter's life. He's never going to pay the $16K; he's a deadbeat and not a father.
Agree with his terms, and hopefully your daughter will never see the creep again. Just be sure your daughter knows that none of this is her fault.

 

[Chickenmaven]

Quote:
I agree. Further, I would suggest that you do whatever you can to protect her from all this. For instance, if you have a conversation with him, resist the urge to relay it to her word for word. You might feel better, but this will harm her. I know, I lived through dealing with a dad that was less than enthusiastic. My mom's rage at him & her venting was just as traumatic. She reinforced the rejection I felt.

Please bring your venting to friends and to us, your BYC family. Your kid does not need to heat the nitty gritty of back child support - IMHO.

 

[GaNewChick]

Quote:
But that should be the daughter's decision ~ not mom's.

 

[speckledhen]

Poor sweet Cheyenne! I can't make any excuse or explanation for that man who donated DNA, but she has a fabulous always-there dad who loves her and really looks out for her best interests and her happiness. Hopefully, she can concentrate on that and put the other man in an emotional box on a shelf so he can't hurt her anymore. Hugs to you and your beautiful daughter.

 

[babylady4]

As a child of divorced parents and having a father who never paid a dime of support, or noticed birthdays, holidays, etc.... after I turned 6; I can tell you that it does get better, your daughter will survive and all you can do is hold her and comfort her. The damage is done.

Who told her that he would sign off on the adoption papers if the 16 grand was erased? I would think that action alone caused the largest amount of pain. She did NOT need to know that bit of information (not until she was old enough to handle it).

Good luck. Be grateful she has a wonderful male role model in her life. I never did.

 

[saddina]

In essence, he offered to sell his signature to you for 16K...

You and your daughter need to decide if it's worth it, but rest assurred you won't see the money either way. For you it's not about $, but to him it is.

My father litterally sold me, asked my mother for 5K cash to sign his papers, if you ask my stepfather (that's Dad to me), he'll tell you it was the best 5K he's ever spent. If signing means you need to stop asking for child support you'll never see anyways, it maybe the best solution, but at 16, your daughter should have a say in what's right for her too.

Be cautious with your daughter, often a girl looks for love in the wrong places after getting rejected by her father (not all, but many).

 

[monarc23]

My gosh! makes you wonder how he lives with himself!

 

[Cetawin]

Quote:
We were seperated for 2 years before the divorce was final and then still only 3 miles apart for 1 year and then I moved when DH and I married. However, he was the same way from day 1...even during our separation and even when I came home with her from the hospital. She weighed a mere 3 lbs 14 ounces when they let her come home, I had just had a stroke and renal failure in labor with her... he left that afternoon and was gone for 2 weeks...leaving me home, unable to drive with a preemie and me supposed to be on bed rest. his excuse was "it was a great paying charter"...he was a limo driver.

So, whether we were there or not, and length of time made no difference in this situation.

 

[dun chick]

Quote:
i agree. The likely hood that you will see one dime from this deadbeat dad is close to nil unless something magical happens. Give him what he wants, make sure a lawyer draws it up and it is witnessed by a notary at the least and get him out of her life for good. Let her know that she has a daddy that chose her, what a great hubby you have.