Rude Teenage DS

[newfoundland]

Not everyone Guinea Fowl Galore, I'm with you on this. I am a mother and grandmother, my eldest is nearly 40 years old. I have never raised my hand to my children and indeed neither has their father. We have brought them up with, I hope, respect and kindness. Our house rules were simple. 'Never do anything that hurts someone else.' They were encouraged to help around the house and they did. We never imposed severe restrictions on them, but we had rules. 'When you are 12, you can do this, provided you are sensible.' etc. We never expected them to touch our things and we never interferred with their things. We always respected them as separate people from ourselves, who were to be raised, and shown the right way, but not controlled and bullied! They knew, on the few occasions when the had overstepped the mark, by the withering looks! This was the only form of discipline ever used on us, and we employed the same tactics, very amicably and successfully I think. I am truly appalled that people physically hurt their children as a means of discipline, that in my opinion is outrageous! It is also well documented that violence begets violence, and society is not without it's problems in that respect. As for taking off bedroom doors, thereby denying children any privacy, I am speechless!

I respected my parents, as I did my husbands parents. I respected them for their courage and tenacity, the way they forged decent lives for themselves in a post was world. The way they denied themselves to give us a good start in life. Most of all however, I loved them for their gentleness and tenderness. For their unshakable ability to see the good in people. For their kindness to others, and not least for the wonderful feeling of security that their devotion gave us. We never doubted that our arrival, during the hardest of years, was the crowning glory of their lives.

 

[guinea fowl galore]

I didn't think i'd go there re. taking off children's doors. I'd be cooped up for sure

Holly's parents have probably have probably spent a lot of time and effort to help guide her through the process of becoming who she is. Then you guys to just come on here and, not thinking that she is acting in the idealistic way that you think children should act, start telling her that she is a failure and that her parents don't love her enough is just disgusting. and OVER A FORUM.
You told her she is self obsessed. News flash, It's called self worth. Not many things make me happier then seeing a young adult going out in the world with self confidence. Seeing a child/teen who truly believes in themselves now days is rare. So long as a child is not being neglected or abused (although some of you seem to think this is a-okay) then it is none of your business how their parents are choosing to bring them up. Remember that the next time you try to change a child, much less one you've never even met.

 

[zzGypsy]

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totally agree with you on this part.

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self obsessed and self worth are not the same. one values the self in the context of the value of other people. the other only values the self, often at the expense of other people.

the willingness to set off the figerative atom bomb in your parent's lives over them exercising what they deem an apropriate, non-abusive punishment is not self confidence, it's out of control anger and rebellion. creating a warzone in your parent's home where the best deal that can result is an armed truce is not mature.

Sometimes parents and children don't mesh well, parents get a child they don't know how to raise. children get parents that are not ideally suited to them. but warzone with periodic truces is not the answer to that situation.

Holly is clearly smart, driven, determined. I have every expectation that she can become the mature, competent young adult that we'd all love her to be. but she's going to have to get control of her attitudes, anger, and rebellion before she does.

I know that's a long hard road, if you make it so, because that was my road. I could have been much, much quicker to learn. hopefully Holly will be. she has the capacity, it's up to her to make the choice.

 

[eenie114]

Isn't there a quote about none so blind as one who chooses not to see.

There are lots of Kids like Holly out there. Parents raise as friends and not as a parent. Then comes the work word and guess what....your boss does not give a rip what you think or how you want things to be (for the most part) and when you fuss and make the bosses life hard...well that is what unemployment is all about. The boss gets to fire you. Learning how to work with in the rules parents set up is part of your life education. If you skip it, you set yourself up for an epic fail. Parents will deal with you, the rest of the world, not so much. And, it is not the rest of the worlds problem to keep you happy by changing what they do so you can "be you".

But, at this age, we know it all right

My parents have always given me a choice: "We can be your friends or your enemies, but either way, we're still going to be your parents."

 

[redhen]

Sometimes the truth hurts and you NEED to hear it. Simple as that..

 

[newfoundland]

From my point of view, Holly's parents, especially her mum seem very sensible and loving people. I believe their is some monumentally poor parenting in this world, but not because of people like Holly's parents! Who genuinely believes that is is acceptable to beat their own children in the 21st century? Who genuinely believes that it is acceptable to hurt any other living creature? Some of the problem I feel is caused by very early parenting. It is poor practice to ignore the bad behaviour of small children, and then to over react when they are older, because you realise they are out of control! When children are little, it is very easy to gently stop them from bad behaviour and explain why it is wrong. The use of the 'naughty step/corner' as time out, is the most effective form of discipline, as even the youngest child can start to think about why it was wrong to do what they did. Having said that I think their are a lot of people who need to be clear about what their motives are. I only ever wanted my children to be reasonable, sociable, kind and considerate members of society. I think some parents want to control and bully their children, merely for their own selfish motives.

 

[Moochie]

I'm a teenager and I love my parents. I'm glad they didn't give up on me. They love me too. But we have our down moments, everyone does. My dad is handicapped and my mom has bone problems so after high school I'd like to take care of them as much as I can.
I've never had my door taken away and when I think about it, it would pretty scary for me. At night I have hallucinations.. When I was kid they were much worse than they are now. I used to wake up screaming thinking there were ants all over me and in the bed. I used to have a veil thing over my bed, because I thought it looked like a princess bed, I didn't keep it for long because at night I'd have these half-awake dreams and the one that hit me the most was that there were millions of spiders lurking in the veil. My awesome bed decoration had to go because I wouldn't enter my bed. Even now I keep the door closed shut because of weird things I see. Last night I heard something move in my room so I'm pretty shaky..
Lol, my mom got mad at me when I was screaming like a crazy person because of a HUGE spider in my room that was on my arm. It looked like a tarantula the size of a quarter. Scary! First I saw it in my bathroom. I just got out of the shower and changing into my jammies when I see something crawl on my clothes (while the clothes in on me) and I freaked out! I thought it was in my hair and my mom was saying "Cara! be quiet!". After some time I sat down in my room, relieved because I thought the creature was gone, then I feel something funny on my arm. I look down.. There it is.. The spider..

That's when I moved into one of the guest bedrooms too! Mom was very mad about me screaming though. "you're a ** year old girl! why are you screaming! be quiet!"

 

[herfrds]

That's funny someone thinking you can reason with a screaming 2yo child who is in full blown tantrum. Ain't seen reasoning work with that yet.

newfoundland out here where we live my kids learned early that when I said STOP I said it for a reason. Guess killing that rattlesnake in the yard made a big impression.

 

[EweSheep]

Being a parent is the hardest job I've ever done! I agree with Rancher, I've cried plenty and my daughter is only 7 going on 18.

 

[EweSheep]

Reasoning with a full blown temper tantrum kid? are you kidding me? That is what our counsler told us to do and it didn't get us anywhere! You can talk to them until you are so blue in the face. Sending her to her room helped out alot! this is what I had to do with our dd.

That's funny someone thinking you can reason with a screaming 2yo child who is in full blown tantrum. Ain't seen reasoning work with that yet.

newfoundland out here where we live my kids learned early that when I said STOP I said it for a reason. Guess killing that rattlesnake in the yard made a big impression.