My visit to White Mountains Ranch and Parenting Fail
I thought I'd share the story of how my visit to Cari's resulted in my child eating ice cream for dinner.
A bit of background: my mom is from New Mexico, and I grew up visiting family there. I developed a complete terror of fire ants, not helped at all by my family's love of telling us about the time my cousin crawled onto a fire any mound when she was 1 1/2 and was quickly covered in ants. They had to throw her in the bathtub to get the ants off. *shudder*
Fast forward to last week. I went out to Cari's to pick up my feed order. While she's giving me the tour of her animals, I notice ... fire ants. I'm enjoying the ranch, and for goshsakes I'm a
grown-up, so I decide to forgo the crazy hop dance I mastered as a kid in New Mexico. It's kind of a more aerobic version of the pee dance. I bravely go about the tour, and put the red devils out of my mind.
After I've gotten to see all the adorable animals (including hatching ducklings!) we head to the pallet and my car. As I stand there, I feel a burning pain on my upper thigh. Ow. I rub the spot through my jeans. Ow ow. A light bulb goes off in my head. Oh no. No.
Yes.
I unbutton my jeans and frantically smash the little demon on my thigh. My mind is filled with images of a line of fire ants marching up my legs. The pants must come off NOW. Meanwhile I'm standing next to this very nice person I just met, and I don't want to act like a complete nutter. I said "I hope you don't mind if I take my pants off but I'm terrified of fire ants" or something to that effect, but she could have minded and the world could have been watching and those pants were coming off, stat. Thankfully Cari was not scandalized by my sudden pants-less status. I turn the pants inside out, check my legs and shoes for more ants, and decide I'm clear to re-clothe myself. We conclude our business and I load up my car and drive off.
The place where I've been stung burns. For all of my visits to New Mexico, this is the first time I'd ever been stung. (Note to self: jazzercise pee dance works). I have to drive to North County and pick up my 8 year old daughter from school. I start to feel a little light headed, which could be from the venom or from my panic. I get to where I need to be a little early, and look up fire ant stings on my phone to see if I'm going to die or have to amputate my leg or something like that.
I learn that antihistamines and topical cortisone cream are what's called for. I go straight to the nearest grocery store and get both. The benadryl box says the adult does is 1-2 pills. I'm still really freaked out, so I take 2.
I get to my daughter's school and pick her up. She had an after school club so it's 4 pm. I'm starting to feel a little spacey. I don't have allergy problems, and I can't remember the last time I took an antihistamine, let alone the non-Non Drowsy kind. We get home, and she dutifully goes off to do homework. I try and post on another forum I'm on, but my fingers can't seem to spell anything right and I have to re-type every word 3-4 times. I realize I am being dragged under, but it's near dinner time and I know I'm supposed to feed my child - that's what coherent parents do right? I mumble something to her about the medicine making me sleepy and I tell her she can eat whatever she wants.
My daughter's response is this:
I can't move, but I can hear her scramble into the kitchen and she comes back proudly telling me she's having Easter candy and ice cream for dinner. I don't know if I even grunted in response. My last memory of that time is her explanation that Chunky Monkey is kind of nutritious because it has milk and nuts in it.
In an hour or so I manage to crawl out of my far away place and function again. Groggy, but vertical and speaking. I apologize for passing out on the couch, but she's completely pleased with the evening. Best dinner ever.
Lessons learned:
- hopping around like a weirdo works to keep fire ants off you
- More medicine is not always better
- I am an awesome parent. My kid may be eating a dinner that is 85% sugar, but she has a bright future in marketing, politics, or law.
I'll never get eggs again!
