SHe has no more excuses. rant

[Sonoran Silkies]

I don't think there is any single reason that people are chronically late. Yes, with some people it can be a control issue; however being excrutiatingly punctual can also be a control issue. Lateness can also be attributed to a lack of organization skills, a lack of the ability to sense/accurately estimate the passage of time; a too busy schedule; a different set of priorities.

As a person who is chronically late, I do not believe control issues have much to do with it for me. The other ones I mentioned, do. As was mentioned by several, don't let her hold you hostage, but don't judge what is right or wrong for her.

 

[Beekissed]

Discovering and embracing my unimportance was the most freeing thing I have ever done. Now I am able to be important in a real way.

I love this! You are so right in so many ways. And I don't feel you are self-denigrating to say this....it is a basic truth. We are very important to God, but in the broad scheme of things and to others in this world, we are just a little piece of the big picture. When a person can realize that, the little dramas and concerns they concentrate upon can all be put in perspective and you can start to see, really SEE other people and their lives.

As a person who is ADD, I started many years ago to compensate for my disorganization by setting all my clocks up 10 min. except the watch on my wrist. Being considerate of others is a big thing to me, so punctuality is important also. By adding 10 extra min. I could fool myself into hurrying to meet a deadline.

Now I don't have to do this, as I have trained myself to become more organized and routine driven in order to be on time.

I can also sympathize with your annoyance when folks say that you have more time than do they, thus making excuses for their own inadequacies. I'm a single mom of three boys, no child support and a pitiful paycheck but I've had friends that are SAHMs with single children, a husband and a ring on every finger tell me they just don't have the time that I do to make it to a lunch date or keep any commitment whatsoever. Go figure!

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

With this sister the two events that taught me to move on from her lateness were onetime when we all left the same place at the same time planning on meeting at a retaurant about 15 minutes away and she was 45 minutes late....

She had stopped to pick some things up...

The other was when we were going camping at the beach and were supposed to meet her and her kids there. I planned everything out so we could have three meals at our camper, they were only staying the day but they were supposed to be there all day. My family adjusted everything to make room for 4 more people. While we were on the way when she had not called to get the final directions I called her, they had gone to the beach the day before and were now not planning on going. I was angry but what made me change my attitude was that it really hurt my kids feelings. They were very excited about seeing their cousins and now I had to tell them it wasn't happening. That was the last time I planned anything with her. Now I plan things and I do them if she shows she shows if she doesn't it goes on without her.....

I cannot tell you how many things her kids have missed out on. The one daughter's own high school graduation! She was too late to go down the aisle. I wonder now as an adult wether she is prompt or not....

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Sounds like if you are going somewhere, the plan needs to be to meet there.

 

[curliet]

Oh, I must add one last thing. One of the things that make you understand that there is a 'state of mind' behind all this is the fact that all of us (those people in my family) have cell phones, and so does my sis. But, when she's late and we're wondering if she's almost here or if she's just loitering in a department store or something, 'should we wait, should we leave?' we've tried calling her only to get no answer. Later when we say "We tried to call you, why didn't you answer your phone?" The reply...."Oh, I must not have heard it" or "It was turned off" or "The battery must be dead" or "I don't know where my phone is" ..... and then later you hear it ringing in her purse. She chose not to answer when you called her, because she knew exactly what she was doing.

Whether this is a matter of ADD, or just something that was learned since childhood, or is a matter of passive aggressiveness, there is no excuse for making others sit and wait for them, it's rude, inconsiderate and thoughtless. I won't make allowances any longer for this. If I can think ahead enough to make my plans so that I can follow thru with the scheduled events in a timely manner, then so can other people. I hope you realise that I'm not talking about random things that occasionally happen, flat tires, traffic, some kind of accident, etc. I'm referring to stopping to go shopping, or deciding to clean your closet, or going to visit your grandkids when you know that someone is waiting for you.

Sorry that I turned this into a rant, but this has been such a sore point with my sis, and has become a divisive point in our relationship. Her own kids have to deal with it too, but they can't do much about it because, they say "But she's our Mom."