should I go to the funeral?

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that's my point too, I don't want the image of her dead in a box. I don't have as many childhood memories as I'd like, but the ones I do have are of her alive and well and doing all the "grandma things" I don't want to put such a sad closure on the whole thing.
 
DH and I have had the same talk about his mother. When she dies, if we go to the funeral we'll be dumped on and if we don't go we'll be dumped on. I would say spend the day doing something that reminds you of her and remember the good times. Her funeral should be a day of remembering and saying goodbye not trauma. When I'm missing my grandma, I buy pretty flowers, get out her quilts and sometimes bake bread. All her quilt patches are made from the clothes she made me when I was a child. Say goodbye in your own way. Good luck!
 
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Yes I do. If you loved your gramma then you should go for her and you. Not for what others think. In the end what will matter is how you feel about yourself and how you treated the grandmother who loved you and who you loved.

Go!

You will feel better

Rancher
 
I agree with Mypicklebird on this one--if you think you're going to regret NOT going--go to pay your respects & leave before the drama starts. I feel your pain there (been there, done that).
You only have the ONE CHANCE to attend someone's funeral, so make sure whatever decision you make that it's one you can live with.
On the other hand, NOT going to the funeral is no one's business but yours. Like most everyone else has said, you can go early or visit her grave alone.
Whichever you decide, don't feel bad about it.
 
I do not want to add to that a vivid memory of her thin, dead body in a box. And as far as saying my goodbyes, I'd be more comfortable going by myself to her grave so I can personally tell her in a more quiet moment that I love her and miss her.

My grandmother recently passed away. Her death was a slow and painful one. I spent a couple weeks caring for her before she died. When the funeral came, I felt absolutely no desire to attend either. I loved my grandmother very much, and I don't feel like the circus of a modern funeral ritual was the way I wanted to begin my mourning process. I didn't. I feel absolutely no guilt over that decision and I know my grandmother isn't offended (she didn't like funerals either and actually insisted they didn't have one). I'll go visit her in the spring alone.

My sister later called and said she wished she hadn't attended, but I won't dwell on that trainwreck.

This is a very personal decision. Don't feel bad about what you decide to do. No one can tell you how to mourn.​
 
No, you're not being selfish. Grieve and remember as you choose; however, don't allow your family to keep you from doing something that you want to do. My Mom's funeral was the occassion that freed me from any relationship with my middle sister. That was a good thing. Sorry for your loss. I never had the luxury of knowing my grandmothers.
hugs.gif
 
I go to all the family funerals, but I have a loving and kind family. What you do in this situation is entirely up to you. Make your decision and stick to it, don't look back, look forward. This is between you, your grandma and God. No body can make up your mind but you.
 
It sounds to me like the funeral would be a stressful situation. People come to honor the dead, but there is a whole lot of ugly subtext too much of the time. If you feel that the funeral would be a loving celebration of your grandma's life, go; if you feel it would be a family feud, don't.

You aren't selfish not to go. Your grandma is past caring, and you are already estranged from your family. Do what is right for you. I like the idea of visiting when no one else is around, if this works for you.

In her memory, you might bake the cookies you remember baking with her, making the whole effort a prayer/meditation on her life. Remember the happy parts, and the things that made her special to you.

I'm very sorry for your loss.
 
I'm missing a grandparents services tonight and tomorrow. Either way, have your own remembrance ceremony now or later. Celebrate her life instead of mourning her death. Go to her gravesite and plant flowers, or plant flowers or trees or something in remembrance of her. Or give a donation to Heifer's International or some other cause. or do something with your time to honor her. Do something meaningful to YOU that you will long remember in honor of her.
 

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